Some People Don’t Know When To Shut. The. Fuck. Up.

December 27, 2011 / Posted by:

In yet another stellar call in the life of Jerry Sandusky, TMZ reports that he has decided to speak publicly again on his child sexual abuse allegations, but hasn’t yet decided whether Oprah or Barbara Walters will be the luckiest woman alive to be graced with his presence.  He and his wife Dottie are wanting to set the record straight and clear his JeffreyDahmerwasanaltarboycomparedtoyou good name (I had to get drunk just to type that) by going on the air again and this time he’s practiced so he doesn’t pause when asked if he’s sexually attracted to young boys.

Strangely, neither Oprah nor Barbara’s camp can be reached to confirm the interview, so there’s a good chance that this is all wishful thinking on the part of the Sanduskys.  I would think his showing-young-boys-how-to-shower-properly ass would have a hard time getting an interview on QVC, so I hope these ladies aren’t really entertaining the idea.  And if so, I hope they make him pay them for the privilege.  His lawyer must be a glutton for punishment, both for representing him and for allowing him to dig holes in their defense with dynamite.

The Sanduskys maintain that nothing inappropriate happened, and the 52 now adults who have brought charges against Jerry are all lie tellers trying to make a little fast cash.  Um.  I know that in America you are innocent until proven guilty, but this is not so much a “where there’s smoke there’s fire” situation as a HOLY SHIT THERE’S A MUSHROOM CLOUD one.  So.  Good luck with that Jerry (not really) and I hope you don’t land in a prison as the cell block bitch (not really).

ETA: There are 10 accusers, with 52 counts of abuse. Thanks Nit Witty for setting my ass straight.

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