Meet The World's Champion Masturbator!
Hit pause on your Anal Assault 19 clip, put down your Jergen's, and pull up your drawers. Masanobu Sato has got this. He's been declared the World's Champion Masturbator! He's even got a trophy that should totally be a bronze casting of a crumpled tissue but isn't. For you horny bitches who worry that your measly three shots a day in the stall at work might constitute a chronic masturbation problem which is going to get your ass fired when you're found out, think again. According to Kotaku, Sato's record is 9 HOURS AND 59 MINUTES. The judge needs to throw out GaGa's former assistant's sad-ass lawsuit and move on to this one, because Sato's dick has a better case! How does one's peen take that much punishment? The poor thing's probably in tiny traction by now with third degree chafing burns. Amnesty International needs to save that cock from its cruel captor causing it to dry-cum over and over again!
Sato has a live-in girlfriend (!!!) who he doesn't have sex with because she's busy making dresses and timing his efforts. And weeping. Once you watch the vid, you'll note that their apartment is tiny. She must have an umbrella on standby due to his preference for porn. Yes, The World's Champion Masturbator has some hang-ups about sex with live girls. He doesn't even wank to live-action porn. He fucks his fist to hentai (NSFW) because girls are "dirty" and they "smell". Sato's lady and Kate Minor might have some self-esteem issues in common.
Japan is an interesting (read - sucio) place where you can purchase used panties from vending machines, so this is probably no big whoop for them. One of their gameshows involves dudes racing each other after receiving enemas and riding bikes with the seats INSIDE THEM. How much is airfare to Japan from Boston? Check out Sato's story in the video below (NSFW).
Japan is slowly and steadily becoming self sufficient in every way.
In a lot of ways, they appear to be the perfect futuristic couple. He takes care of his business all day and doesn't have to interact with "smelly, dirty" girly parts, and she can convert her sexual energy to cooking, cleaning, and completely taking care of him. Aseptic and completely sterile.
I guess we can think of it in this way... at least they wont be breeding!
Loonies of the world unite.
"No matter how cynical you become, it's impossible to keep up." - Lily Tomlin
*seriously considering investing in lube stock*
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"Uh, hello, room service? I'd like some bacon, a couple of Cokes, and a bunch of whores." -Butthead, of Beavis and Butthead
I was watching some anime porn recently and found it acutely unsexy. That this guys gets off (for hours)on hentai rather than the attractive, REAL woman in his apartment is disturbing indeed.
And to this:
Submitted by ZiggyStardust on Tue, 12/27/2011 - 7:50am.
"You round eyes" wouldn't pretend like you could buy shrunken skulls in Haitian vending machines, would you?
I say YOU are the racist. My eyes are almond shaped TYVM!
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"When I come up, I rush, I rush for you..."
That dude's damage is major and his chick is almost as fucked up as he is. That kitten needs to be removed from the home.
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Taking crazy things seriously is a serious waste of time."
— Haruki Murakami
Gross, man. :( What if he desensitizes himself from normal sex? Fucktard.
Hold, on, isnt kotaku a video game site? why are they-oh wait nevermind, i know why they would report stuff like this :S
(note: also-i think its funny that guys like this get sympathy, like geek guys because people are like "oh girls are so judgemental and dont give these guys a chance i bet they are really sweet" when they dont know the truth about the fucked up ideas these guys have about girls-and especially towards geeky girls like myself. been burned too many times :( )
His girlfriend is completely expressionless. This is messed up on so many levels.
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Never question Bruce Dickinson!
This would have been intriguing if it wasn't a old ugly more than likely short dicked skinny dicked asian man...if it was a hot studly hung man it would be beyond interesting, figures that the #1 masturbator in the world would look like this.
She's seen the tiny meat, (a waste of time IMHO) so I don't understand why she doesn't try to find someone better. She should leave and take the cat with her.
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"You're ugly and your fucking bag is ugly too."--John Galliano (allegedly)
I love a good wanker. Freaks will be freaks.
So the panty vending machine joke would be fine if MK said it, but if he's not saying it then it's not okay? Got it.
By the way, it's not a "racial stereotype," it's true: http://www.snopes.com/risque/kinky/panties.asp
so maybe you want to try Google before you cry racism over stupid shit.
Ugh this is so gross. Im all for the getting it on with yourself but this is not a healthy activity for him. He thinks real females are smelly? Somehow I doubt he has ever been close enough to a female to determine if she is smelly or not. I just cant with the shirt on and naked from the waist down sitting on a bean bag thing going on here.
p.s. WTF is all those tubular things stacked around him?!?
Um, the kitty sniffing his balls while he wanked??? Can I get a WTF???
I'm thinking of all the press he could get with this umm 'talent'.
You know those fuckathons where one porn star fucks as many guys as she can in one day?? He could be on the side wanking and see who goes the longest.. him wanking or her fucking.
Possibly a career as fluffer for gay porn stars?
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America.. fuck yeah!
It's not as if he's unattractive. He must be mentally fucked in the head or something.
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"'Those who danced were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.' We hear the music and we still think you're insane, bitch. For the record." [Michael K on Megan Fox]
.
I'm having phantom wiener pains just thinking about this guy.
A shame that it has to be tiny, cheesy, uncut Ornamental tinymeat.
Sex issues indeed. I knew this person's significant other wouldn't touch them because he was into masturbating with gym socks.
" a real female smell is dirty"
YES truly you must have a lot of females in your life
I never smell dirty
the cat touched his micro peen, this is so nasty
"I will pee myself today and when someone asks, "what is that smell?", I will happily tell them Veluptuous by KK!" Urmomma
What, the, hell??
Pretty screwed up that he has a girlfriend too.
I mean nothing wrong with masterbating, but come on......
This gives me a case of the sads AND the barfs.
be cool about fire safety
Breakdown, I know I'd be bored after about 3 minutes, 2 of those minutes would be spent laughing at him. So I'm not the best person to ask. LOL!
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Dog:
Sure you COULD, I suppose, but who would WANT to?!
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Facebook: Triston Negreaux
http://www.myspace.com/triston
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Even the cat was in on his masturbation of his micro-peen. What does the kitty do? Scratch his non-existent balls?
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Brevity may be the soul of wit, but to twit without wit is soulless -- Johanne Savoie
HAHA Dog! I bet they get all kinds of perverts to "volunteer" to watch!
But I wondered to, if it was one loooooong time or a bunch of squirts.
*chanting as always*
"I feel the burn it must be Vern" PERKY 2011
Well, it's admirable to dedicate yourself to your hobbies, right?
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Don't stand on my tits, bitch!
Vern, can you imagine the poor person who had to stand around timing it?
Another question since I don't actually have that particular body part. Can a guy hold off for nine hours without finishing the act or did this guy just keep doing it over and over again?
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Who knows Dog. I just assumed it was a Guiness records kind of thing, with officials and stopwatches and shit.
*chanting as always*
"I feel the burn it must be Vern" PERKY 2011
Wait a second. There were SPECTATORS at this shindig? Who the hell stands around watching someone pull their pud for one hour, never mind nine?
Can a peen fall off from overmanipulation?
If his peen is swollen from the overmanipulation, can he still get a bone on?
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Does Octomom get the "proceeds"?
*chanting as always*
"I feel the burn it must be Vern" PERKY 2011
Is the contest sponsored by Kimberly Clark?
*chanting as always*
"I feel the burn it must be Vern" PERKY 2011
Ohh good ones Dog.
Are the spectators workin' it while they watch the contest?
Do they all have ipads or is there a big screen?
*chanting as always*
"I feel the burn it must be Vern" PERKY 2011
Submitted by ZiggyStardust on Tue, 12/27/2011 - 7:50am.
How do you get racism out of this? Show me where anything J. Harvey (or anyone else) said in this post that is racist.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by ZiggyStardust on Tue, 12/27/2011 - 7:50am.
The used panties vending machines are a myth.
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according to Snopes this is true:
http://www.snopes.com/risque/kinky/panties.asp
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"The universe is made of stories, not atoms."
Muriel Rukeyser, poet
Is he allowed to switch hands or does it have to be with the same hand the whole time??? What if he has to pee? Do they allow pee breaks? Is there music?
So many questions.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
A simple and fair question: why doesnt he find another gf if this one doesnt satisfies him? Sorry, but its hard for me to believe someone can masturbate for hours non-stop.
Did anyone else happen to notice the Hitler-Cat creeping onto his bean bag while he was doing fuck-times to himself ? Dirty pussy ......
I have so many questions! Is there a Pubelic contest? Is it televised? Do they win money? Do they get snacks?
*chanting as always*
"I feel the burn it must be Vern" PERKY 2011
The used panties vending machines are a myth.
There was a time when this site didn't rely on racism to get hits. You round eyes wouldn't pretend like you could buy shrunken skulls in Haitian vending machines, would you?
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Submitted by SugarFreeRedBull on Sat, 06/25/2011 - 8:13am.
Ziggy, I hope you fall off your soap box. Then people will pay attention... to the green alien blood.
He seems quite normal as the typical Japanese male with suspended sexual adolescence. Her, on the other hand (pun intended), needs to find a man that knows how to treat her like a woman.
She's hot. What is she doing with him?
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"The universe is made of stories, not atoms."
Muriel Rukeyser, poet
damn wanker!
'We are responsible for what we do unless we are celebrities.'
How ironic that J.Harvey posts this when just last night I was having a conversation with a Chinese guy who told me about all the kinky ass sex practices in Japan.
Of course, fittingly, now I want to go to see this fuckery firsthand!
*checking flights*
***************************************
Facebook: Triston Negreaux
http://www.myspace.com/triston
ask me how to subscribe to Heaux Confessionals©
Damn. Once again, the Japanese are better at manual dexterity than Americans.
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“It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations, if you live near him.” J.R.R. Tolkein
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