The wine in Italy tastes like the jizz of the angels to me, so I’ve been drinking that shit by the bottle full. So last night when I came to my temporary home with the hazies in my head and a bladder about to explode, I stumbled into the bathroom and was about to shoot a stream of golden relief into a strange, guitar-shaped toilet when I realized that shit was a bidet! It’s a fountain for your stank parts. It’s not for pissing.
What I’m trying to say is that if 4-year-old Dustin Kruses loses his figurative shit over toilets, imagine how he’d freak out over an ass faucet? His mother would have to hold the back of his head to make sure his mind didn’t blow across the bathroom.