Michael Lohan Is A-OK With His Daughter's "Playboy" Spread
Sometimes at night I suddenly sit up straight in bed, covered in sweat and barely slapping my mouth shut on the scream that wants to shatter windows (my partner: "What are you DOING? Fuck, go back to sleep. Jesus. (pause) Did you fart?"). What was so terrifying that I have this cinema queen reaction?
It's the thought that someday the ancient astronauts who started this grand experiment are going to return to see the results. They're going to pick a couple of humans to investigate to see what their efforts have wrought, and then decide if we're worth continuing. Who will they pick, you ask? Will it be Nobel Peace Prize winner Ellen Johnson Sirleaf? Frank DeMartini and Pablo Ortiz? These people? It would have to be this guy, right?
Fuck, no. It's going to be Michael Lohan. The star gods will check him out for about ten seconds, shake their heads, and open a black hole in the center of our planet (SCIENCE!) and we'll all die screaming cuz' of this dumb motherfucka of famesuck. Thanks, asshole.
Papa Lohan went on Dr. Drew's Lifechangers show (Pinsky's become a bit of a famesuck himself) to talk about the Photoshop renderings Lindsay Lohan posed for in Playboy. It looked like an infomercial for how Men's Wearhouse changed Mr. Lohan's life. Despite having a bone on in his trousers over A) his daughter in Playboy and B) getting a live studio audience to play "doting father of celebrity fuckup" in front of, Mr. Lohan went for the Cable Ace acting award.
"I haven't seen it and I won't look at it. I've never looked at it," he tells Pinsky. "I heard it's 'classy'....she did some movies that were a little risque at times and I couldn't even go to the movies and watch them."
Lying sack of spew! He jacked on them SO HARD. People with cell phones clipped to their belts are either the nicest albeit most clueless guys in the world or the pages of their personal copy of their junkie daughter's Playboy debut are stuck together. He would be the latter. Mr. Lohan considers Lohan showing off her milky goodness for the general public a "move" that's positive because it means she's "working". Yes, she's showing the maximum effort.
Lohan reportedly goes on to express concern over Lohan's sea jasper use and her getting involved with "the wrong people". Bitch could be getting mani/pedis with Casey Anthony and Leatherface and she would still be better off than with you.
Papa Lohan also reveals his ex-girlfriend Kate Minor (in Stupid, the one he seems to regularly beat the shit out of, and who inspires dramatic cunt moves like leaping out of windows and faking heart attacks) might be carrying his latest big mistake. Sweet Jesus.
"Before I went in, she thought that she might be pregnant," Michael says. "When she left her dads house, she left some medication and her pills there and she was off the pill for like four or five days and of course we had sex...so there was a chance...from what I understand now, she says she's pregnant or she could be. Evidently she is taking the test so she thinks she might be."
Of course they had sex. Who could resist a man who just kicked you in the face and whose pet name for you is "Cunt"? Romance.
This dude is SUCH a junkie for the camera/gossip column item/blog post that you can almost see him QUIVERING in lust as Drew sinks the needle into his arm. What a sad piece of shit. He definitely made valedictorian at the Joe Simpson Academy For Completely Inappropriate Fathers, though.
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Submitted by MedusaChrist on Mon, 12/26/2011 - 9:02pm.
WTF, is he wearing Gucci shoes from the 70s?
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That is the first thing I thought when I saw this!!
One of the definitions of "not end well" in the dictionary of truth is: "crackhead leading a crackhead to Mexico..." MK--8/20/11
You are welcome, ponchiks!
Wink, wink..
That's not so bad.
I think that's just Nancy Grace's senior picture.
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
*googles blue waffle*
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
I thought he was supposed to be in rehab here in Ft. Myers FL? Why the fuck can he fly around making public appearances?
WTF, is he wearing Gucci shoes from the 70s?
Okay, I sacrificed 107 brain cells and 4 seconds reading MLohan's fking dumbshit explanations for KMajor's preg scare. LMAO and CMAO (crying my...). Is what he said not the dumbest thing, or is it not the dumbestest thing to have ever been said????? WHAT.A.FUCKING.MORON.HOPE.HE.TRIPS.INTO.A.WOOD.CHIPPER. FML for reading this shit about him. Damn
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"Discussions about what is good, beautiful, noble, pure, true, could always go on. Why is that important? Because that is the only conversation worth having." Christopher Hitchens,1949-2011. (RIP Winehouse,1983-2011) *caprica six was/is here*
im sure if somebody went through the trash at michael lohans house they will find lindsays playboy edition has sticky pages.
Lovin' me some Nancy Grace tonight!
Going to Dr. Drew for help with yer addictions (ON TV!) is akin to buying a bottle and staring at it: hopeless! On a side note: I had a bee-yoo-tiful Christmas sans the sweet nectar which is NO small feat for me, so YAY!!! Lovin' life, I am!
Dr. Drew ain't no muthafukin dr. Bitch a fame ho.
Why the fuck is that scuz Dr. Drew talking to Michael Lohan when he could be interviewing the ultra-fab and -funny Leymah Gbowee?!?
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"And to the commentator who snarked that Boston can't be a drinking city because we don't have a legal happy hour - think again, chief. We work around that shit."
Well, I have three kids and a husband so by definition, I have no life. At least not my own.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Everyone has a life but me (and you (snark!).
I'm so glad just be home on the sofa.
We had a nice Christmas brunch for our family and two other couples yesterday. Everyone went home around 5pm so it was perfect and the day wasn't beholden to the Big Meal that's over in 20 minutes.
When I grew up the women of the house were slaves to the kitchen all Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, only to get about one hour to sit down and relax. Then the man would carve the turkey and everyone would clap like he had been slaving all damn day. I vowed to never be like that when I was an adult! Christmas is for everyone to enjoy!
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Dark-sided!
@whippersnapper
Looks like it's you who's the "whiney [sic] little bitch". And you sure have had your say (and then some), but I wouldn't say you've proved a point. That would have to involve coherency and literacy, two traits that you seem to be sorely lacking.
Aw, Happy Burpday, IF, one day early.
I am cleaning up after the relatives made a hog sty of my house. Booooo!
Where TF is everyone?
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Wonder how much Dr Famewhore paid Michael Lohan to be on his flaming turd of a talk-show?
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Shiitake happens...
Hey Nancy Grace, you can just go fuck yourself. No one was even talking to you twat. This is between me and the bitch, not you.
And the more the pussy posts the more he is proving that he is a whiney little bitch.
I have had my say and made my point.
Dog!
Good to see one of the original Avi's back, god, I love that boxer's side eye!
No-one is posting and my mini's are playing with new Lego and I am done with work and Mr. Fury left to "do something: (ie, get my birfday gift for tomorrow) and I have no-one to talk to.
Get nice stuff for Christmas? Did you drink? Want to have wine with me over the Internets?
I'M LONELY!
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Dark-sided!
@BernardProfitendieu and whippersnapper:
REALLY?
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www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Shut the fuck up, whippersnatcher. No need to shit bricks because someone has an opinion.
Submitted by BernardProfitendieu on Mon, 12/26/2011 - 2:39pm.
@whippersnapper
haha! listen to yourself -you're throwing a Grade A hissy fit 'cause I suggested this post is (way) too long. It is! Get over it, sister! Even J. Harvey is wondering why he didn't edit it before posting.
"When one comes to dlisted and starts taking it seriously they have some serious fucking problems and it is time to step away from the keyboard". -- how true, how true! and when a tool can type those words and not realize he's describing himself, it's priceless!!! ahahaha!!
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Wow. You certainly are not the sharpest tool in the shed. No hissy fit being thrown, I wasn't saying anything about J Harvey's wrting, I was speaking on the entre spectrum of Dlisted as a whole, fucktard. Really who the fuck complains about editing on a blog about trashy celebs? WTF do you expect? If that bothers you then you have some serious fucking problems. If you want intellectual journalism you are in the wrong fucking place. Move along boy.
@whippersnapper
still sounds like a hissy fit to me! ahahaha!
and since the original comment was most definitely about J Harvey's writing, maybe you should think before responding, sister.
Submitted by Versailles on Mon, 12/26/2011 - 12:45pm.
I am 39 weeks pregnant. Being on the computer and missing MK is all I have when hubby is at work, and I am waiting for my laborpains to start.. It's my fourth child, surely this one will just glide right out..?
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Well THANK YOU Versailles- your comment just gave me a mental image of your baby sliding out of your cooch like down a waterslide shouting "woo hoo!".
I didn't know there was DNA in my ass!
I am sick of him and Lindsay.
(973) Jersey Strong
Somehow, Dr.Drew is now the biggest douchebag on T.V. even having this living virus on and giving him airtime is heinous.
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Don't stand on my tits, bitch!
Dr. Drew is no better than the Kardashians when it comes to craving attention. He will stoop to any level as long as he can have his repulsive shows. And he'll use people who are addicts without really helping them just so he can keep his show on the air.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
He jacked on them SO HARD!?!??!?
that's a fucked up thing to say.
it's prolly true though, and it did make me laugh.
wasn't this fool dying of a heart failure or some shit?! now he's on dr drew yapping about how he hasn't seen his daughter's freckled tits in playboy. nigga please!
'We are responsible for what we do unless we are celebrities.'
Submitted by Spaz de la Whoreta on Mon, 12/26/2011 - 1:29pm.
@gee_gee: I think blue waffle is a hoax.
^^^^^^^^^
No hoax. Why do you think Hef re-did BloHan's pics? He knew hers was showing.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by BernardProfitendieu on Mon, 12/26/2011 - 1:41pm.
Submitted by whippersnapper on Mon, 12/26/2011 :
HA! You must be new here. Since when has editing ever been important here? GTFO you uptight fuck if you don't like it. No one made you type in dlisted.com and come here, you did it on your own freewill, whiney little bitch.
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The last resorts of the unclever are always:
a) coarse name calling
b) viewing the length of time they've been coming to a website as some sort of personal accomplishment
c) repeating some variation of, "if ya don't like it why'dja come here?" like a prissy little schoolgirl on the playground
congratulations! you've got a hat trick there!
again, your overprotectiveness is nauseating.
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TROLOLOLOLO! U MAD?
Pull the cactus out of your snatch and go smoke a bowl. When one comes to dlisted and starts taking it seriously they have some serious fucking problems and it is time to step away from the keyboard.
And I will say it again...editing has never been important here, so STFU whiney little bitch.
You must be great at parties.
@whippersnapper
haha! listen to yourself -you're throwing a Grade A hissy fit 'cause I suggested this post is (way) too long. It is! Get over it, sister! Even J. Harvey is wondering why he didn't edit it before posting.
"When one comes to dlisted and starts taking it seriously they have some serious fucking problems and it is time to step away from the keyboard". -- how true, how true! and when a tool can type those words and not realize he's describing himself, it's priceless!!! ahahaha!!
Submitted by Spaz de la Whoreta on Mon, 12/26/2011 - 1:29pm.
@gee_gee: I think blue waffle is a hoax.
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Oh no my dear friend. It is entirely real.
Google and feast your eyes on the wonder that is the blue waffle! If you can look at a picture of Goatse you can stomache the blue waffle.
Submitted by gee_gee on Mon, 12/26/2011 - 1:26pm.
Would you like a slice of this lovely bleu cheese?
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by whippersnapper on Mon, 12/26/2011 :
HA! You must be new here. Since when has editing ever been important here? GTFO you uptight fuck if you don't like it. No one made you type in dlisted.com and come here, you did it on your own freewill, whiney little bitch.
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The last resorts of the unclever are always:
a) coarse name calling
b) viewing the length of time they've been coming to a website as some sort of personal accomplishment
c) repeating some variation of, "if ya don't like it why'dja come here?" like a prissy little schoolgirl on the playground
congratulations! you've got a hat trick there!
again, your overprotectiveness is nauseating.
Dr Drew has been a famewhore for a long time. Who does a celebrity rehab show? Why would you want to treat patients on television? I would like to see him state that he thinks it has a positive educational influence.
He tweeted his support for Lindsay when she stole that necklace like everyone should enable her, which is not professional.
Loveline was a good show and he was funny and smart but I think treating celebrities on television is a real sign that he has conflicts between his professional duties as a doctor and as a television personality.
http://burning-plastic.tumblr.com/
gee_gee -- I'm breaking out the smelling salts for you, hon! Once you see it, you can never go back.
If you think the post is too long, skim over it. Shit, half the reason I DVR my favorite TV shows is so I can fast-forward the commercials and boring shit. Your eyeballs can do that, too!
Submitted by gee_gee on Mon, 12/26/2011 - 1:26pm.
Congratulations - you've experienced one of Dlisted's rites of passage.
*passes gee_gee eye bleach*
@gee_gee: I think blue waffle is a hoax.
Fine. Fine. Fine. Let me just go ahead and google "blue waffle". After all how bad could it-
MOTHER OF ALL THINGS GREAT AND GLORIOUS, WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK!?!
For realsies, y'all. I couldn't decide whether I should have the vapors or just pass out - seeing as how I am such a delicate and refined flower and all.
Lesson learned? Google is not your friend, bitches.
Dr. Drew is worse than Dr. Phil ever was.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Submitted by gee_gee on Mon, 12/26/2011 - 11:55am.
I don't know what "blue waffle twat" means.
^^^^^^^^^^^
Google that shit. I dare you. I did and couldn't stop shrieking and bleaching my eyes for a week.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by IrishFury on Mon, 12/26/2011 - 11:09am.
And yes, MK and I have been dating for months, I just didn't want to say. He went straight for me.
^^^^^^^^^^
And here I thought Whamo was the trifling foolio!
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by BernardProfitendieu on Mon, 12/26/2011 - 12:35pm.
Submitted by whippersnapper on Mon, 12/26/2011 - 12:17pm.
This is Dlisted not motherfucking Oxford, editors are not needed here.
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Really? try reading this post over without falling asleep and then tell me the need for an editor isn't desperate.
your overprotectiveness is nauseating.
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HA! You must be new here. Since when has editing ever been important here? GTFO you uptight fuck if you don't like it. No one made you type in dlisted.com and come here, you did it on your own freewill, whiney little bitch.
I am 39 weeks pregnant. Being on the computer and missing MK is all I have when hubby is at work, and I am waiting for my laborpains to start.. It's my fourth child, surely this one will just glide right out..?
I really don't see the problem some people are having with this post. Anybody who can't read it needs to go back to kindergarten.
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"This is so over the top the director must be a Sherpa." -- Who Datt
Dr Drew is almost as big a douchebag as Lohan.
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If you want to keep something precious
You got to lock it up and throw away the key
If you want to hold onto your possession, don't even think about me
-Sting
Dear J. Harvey:
When you're on the phone, do you ever use the top half?
LOL!
Who let him out of jail?
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
next stop: Hustler!
"Put a needle in my hand, I'm a regular Victor Van Gogh"
Dinosaur Bob