Hot Slut Of The Day!

Nestor, The Long-Eared Christmas Donkey! Those stop motion animations from the 1970s are pretty much my personal bible when it comes to all things Christmas, so to me Nestor is the reason why celebrate Christmas in the first place! If it wasn’t for Nestor’s Tommy Lee condom-sized ears, there would be no Nestor. If there was no Nestor, then there would be no Tilly the Angel who looks like an inbred Ashlee Simpson impersonator. If there was no Tilly, then there would be no an angel to tell a bitch to use his long dong ears to hear the sounds that will guide him on a path that’s straight and true. If there wasn’t a bitch who used his long dong ears to hear the sounds that will guide on a path that’s straight and true, then Mary’s knocked up ass would’ve never gotten to Bethlehem. If Mary’s knocked up ass never got to Bethlehem, then Jesus would’ve been born in the middle of absolutely nowhere. If Jesus would’ve been born in the middle of absolutely nowhere, then we probably wouldn’t celebrate his birfday by buying each other Starbucks gift cards and getting so fucked up drunk that the bottom of the Christmas tree seems like a perfectly comfortable place to take a damn nap.

So we should thank Nestor for EVERYTHING! Do a shot of something mind altering out of an extra-long lady condom in Nestor’s honor and then sing this song:

Merry Christmas to one slut and to all sluts!