“The Only Way Is Hyuk, Hyuk, Hyuk”

Hiya! I’m J. Harvey. I used to write for Socialite Life (then I got fired) and then I wrote for Celebitchy for two whole days (and then I got fired from there, too), and now I blog about guys fucking over on Manhunt Daily.  It’s not as seedy as it sounds (yes, it is). You’re figuring out that Michael K. wanted to get to Italy stat so he could get fucked up on vino and suck off a gondolier so he just picked some mullet off the blogging street, aren’t you? Poor Sweetas. I have horrible grammar, and my run-on sentences are legendary. Fuck grammar! I refused to be chained by your grammar ways.

Oh, and I heard the last guest blogger had an epic meltdown and is currently sporting a self-hug coat and recuperating in a rubber room somewhere due to you fiery cunts in the comments. It’s ok if you hate me. I’m drunk right now and can’t feel anything. I can’t feel anything anyways because I’m dead inside. And drunk. Seriously, you can sneak nips into Starbucks here in Boston. We’re a drinking city.

Hopefully while he was on his layover in London, Michael K. spotted this white carnation out on the street and gave her the hug she needs. A girl who will let someone do that to a body part is actually looking to fill the hole in her heart with love, and settled for innnertubes in her face lips. I know why she did that to her pucker, though. It’s that overbite. Edward Norton’s character in American History X would find curbing her too easy with those choppers. She figured she coud hide em’ with the lip job. And then distract us with BOOBS.

Those lips! They look like Michael K’s asshole after Fleet Week!

This is British reality television gal Lauren Pope out on the town with some co-tarts in London last night. She’s following up her tasteful debut in THIS dress. Let’s choose to believe that some The Only Way Is Essex hater slapped her gently with a brick, or put some embalming fluid in her Grape Crush shot. Cuz’, DAMN over the “cartoon hillbilly” expression. What drink is that? Pink Umbrella Homeless Dude flanking you is wondering.

Note – FUCK! My very first DListed post and I gave the bitch the wrong name! Ugh, already revealed as a FUCK-UP. The Only Way Is Drunk-Blogging. This unfortunate creature is actually named Chloe Sims. I bet she still borrowed that dress from her friend, though. They share it. It’s ventilated and easy access.