JWoww’s Bikini Line Is A Thing Of Sophistication

December 23, 2011 / Posted by:

JWoww, the Audrey Hepburn of the Jersey Shore whores, is known as being a pristine pearl that fell out of an an empty bottle of Thunderbird at the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean many years ago and her new bikini line completely reflects that. Aren’t you staring at the triangle pasties hugging onto JWoww’s dried concrete titty balls and thinking to yourself that you too want to look like you’ve got suction cup nipples? No, you don’t? Well, that’s because you obviously don’t have an eye for the elegant things in life.

JWoww’s Perfect Tan Bikini Line uses an “innovative” silicone based adhesive that sticks to your silicone based titties and allows you to freely lay under the cancer beams without worrying about tan lines. Yes, when you rip that shit off, it’ll also rip off any feeling you had left in your nipples. But if you’re like JWoww, then you don’t have any feeling in your nipples anyway. And I’m sure JWoww bought this “innovative” sticky technology from a dude named Lizard in the parking lot of an abandoned strip club on Staten Island, so it will most likely seep into your pores and cause your nipples to foam at the mouth, but that’s a small price to pay to look this exquisite.

And I don’t know if they broke every computer from Photoshopping the shit out of JWoww, or if she just naturally looks an extra in a CGI porn.

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