JWoww's Bikini Line Is A Thing Of Sophistication
JWoww, the Audrey Hepburn of the Jersey Shore whores, is known as being a pristine pearl that fell out of an an empty bottle of Thunderbird at the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean many years ago and her new bikini line completely reflects that. Aren't you staring at the triangle pasties hugging onto JWoww's dried concrete titty balls and thinking to yourself that you too want to look like you've got suction cup nipples? No, you don't? Well, that's because you obviously don't have an eye for the elegant things in life.
JWoww's Perfect Tan Bikini Line uses an "innovative" silicone based adhesive that sticks to your silicone based titties and allows you to freely lay under the cancer beams without worrying about tan lines. Yes, when you rip that shit off, it'll also rip off any feeling you had left in your nipples. But if you're like JWoww, then you don't have any feeling in your nipples anyway. And I'm sure JWoww bought this "innovative" sticky technology from a dude named Lizard in the parking lot of an abandoned strip club on Staten Island, so it will most likely seep into your pores and cause your nipples to foam at the mouth, but that's a small price to pay to look this exquisite.
And I don't know if they broke every computer from Photoshopping the shit out of JWoww, or if she just naturally looks an extra in a CGI porn.
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I like Jwoww and all in terms of voice of reason on the show, but the thought of sleeping with a guy after he slept with her makes me throw up in my mouth a little.
And there are so many that find her hot...it's scary. I mean the Kelly Bundy spandex dresses and the bronzer, really? Attractive? To each, how own, I guess.
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I can't judge... the cheese biscuits at Red Lobster make me wanna touch myself
--Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Fri, 11/04/2011 - 9:41am.
Horrible. That is all. Merry Christmas!
Submitted by BorgQueen on Fri, 12/23/2011 - 9:22am.
Its funny to me that off all the Jersey Shore twits, Jwoww was actually the least sluttiest, sometimes was the voice of reason and the only one that didnt fuck her roommates.
What about pauly? and she's been after Ron the whole time. Besides, none of the guys want her, she scares that hell out of them.
also, bikini tape is so weird. try to swim in that shit.
lol..really? She says she is a graphic designer so everyone assumes she's smart and fun. bitch needs to show less leather tits and more portfolio if that's the angle she's working now. Ten bucks says everything she "designs" has a leopard background with black bold font text and features at least fifteen pictures of her surgi-fuxx tits. Bitch sucks bigtime, she's an awful igno slore...even Snooki has more class.
Submitted by notreallyworking on Fri, 12/23/2011 - 6:14pm.
turn those 15 minutes into 16 girlfriend!
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LOL That whole crew is trying to make 20-minute-fame-extension the new black.
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"Discussions about what is good, beautiful, noble, pure, true, could always go on. Why is that important? Because that is the only conversation worth having." Christopher Hitchens,1949-2011. (RIP Winehouse,1983-2011) *caprica six was/is here*
I recently started watching this show (we finally got a bunch of new channels here in the sticks) and I never realised (from the hype) how nasty they all are to each other. This bunch of neanderthals are mean't to be best buddies? WTF?
The episodes were set in Miami. And the backstabbing, lying, cheating and drama was 'unfuckingbelievable'. Sammie and Jwoww were the most annoying bitches on that show. Sammie and her torturous fighting with Ronnie (?) made me wanna smash the TV lol. It was neverending. But Jwoww was the nastiest, scummiest, trashiest, vile, most aggressive, violent one of them all. That bitch is beyond crazy. How could any of them stay friends with her?
is there really that much of a demand for swimwear that looks like tacky budget porn lingerie?
turn those 15 minutes into 16 girlfriend!
"Put a needle in my hand, I'm a regular Victor Van Gogh"
Dinosaur Bob
They did make her look pretty in these pictures. Those suits are very tacky though.
THIS should top the Photoshop Awards!
If I had to say I liked anyone from the Jersey Shore, I would say I like her the most. I still want her to go away, along with the rest of the cast, but she seems smarter. And she's not everywhere hawking every product under the sun and shit.
These bikinis will not work for large natural boobs. I thought there were straps that could be removed but uhhhhh I think it's going to look trashy to wear on the beach. Don't flame me, I'm just a prude so it's definitely not made for a person like me in mind (I dont mind tan lines).
The poster formerly known as Snow Owl formerly known as Night Owl!
Submitted by parissucksliterally on Fri, 12/23/2011 - 9:56am.
her face is so fake looking now. She went overboard with the plastic surgery.
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I was actually thinking that too. I think Jen is very pretty but I think she is WAY too skinny now and her face looks kinda wonky. She looked so skinny on the last season that it looked weird. She has big boobs and curves, a little meat on her bones does her good!
Don't hate me but I actually like JWow a lot. She is really smart (she's a graphic designer) and has good street smarts and common sense, she is really pretty (she isn't afraid to admit that her boobs are fake), and I'm happy to finally see her with a guy who appreciates her instead of that dick that was controlling her.
That being said, I don't know if this would work so well for natural big boobs. They are a little...hmmm..saggy? IDK, I have issues with strapless bras so I don't this would be useful. Cute styles though.
i like her.. awesome bod..
Did you guys see the pics of Sammy without the trashy makeup? She seriously looks beautiful. And I fucking HATE all things Jersey.
Here's the photo -
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/usshowbiz/article-2077290/Sammi-Sweetheart-sw...
I think she's got a beautiful face, and her body is awesome. Minus the titty balls.
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Time cast a spell on you but
You won't forget me
I know I could have loved you but
You would not let me
-Fleetwood Mac
I have been WAITING for MK to post this.
She and Paulie are the only ones on Jersey Shore I think it might actually be fun to go to a club with, they seem somewhat intelligent (she was a graphic designer before being on the show). Also it is sort of a good idea to make a bikini that stays on and prevents tan lines. good for her
*puts hand over tittyballs*
*faps away*
She has a nice butt. But that`s coming from someone with pancake-ass syndrome, so what do i know?
Well, aren't you just the cosmopolitan Queen Bee of Cuntsville? No, I'm sorry, of "Cuntropolis". Please excuse us in all of our inbred grandpa fucking glory. Karen Flatts, 09/21/11
*throws stone at Sans Fards*
These Photoshoppers put Mariah's Photoshoppers to shame.
are there Photoshop Award shows?
Saying she is sexy is akin to finding Jessica Rabbit sexy. It's illustrated fiction, but how would men's magazines sell if reality was on the cover? (audible eye roll)... At least the Jessica Rabbit character doesn't pretend to represent a flesh and blood human woman, she's just sexy animation.
"This better be important Jack, I was bidding on a bag of bras on ebay."
Liz Lemon
Aside from her disgusting titty balls, I think she looks hot. I wouldn't mind if I woke up tomorrow with that body!
I think she's kind of...well...hot.
*runs away*
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Never question Bruce Dickinson!
I don't know or care who she is. But she has a very nice butt.
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"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK
I suspect most of her target demo has fake boobs.
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Please: It's "rahnday."
her face is so fake looking now. She went overboard with the plastic surgery.
she looks like she is dirty all the time.
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Flirting with this disaster became me
It named me as the fool who only aimed to be
Almost blue
-Elvis Costello
Aww man, you guys with the bellybutton comments.
You're correct, it should be a good 1 1/2-2 inches over to the left.
Yikes
The FAQs at the website are hysterical. Apparently, you can wear the suit 10 times. Then I guess it won't stick "like a Band-Aid" (?!) anymore.
Now with this on a Playboy cover promising to show full tits and minge, I can see a sell out. But with that pasty freckly ginge Blohan, no f-ing way. I'd bet cancellations which is probably what Heff got.
Her body does look good.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
My 15-23 year old self would wear those bikinis.
Yes, I dressed slutty then. I have no regrets, I am older and wiser now for it.
*cusses at kid for runing her body!
Do these bikinis come with extra sticky stuff to put in the cups after the first use, or are they one-off disposeables?
Why am I even thinking about that?
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Masturbation is not a GD game of Clue, there is no reason to head to the broom closet with a rope and a lead pipe. –michelleb
Would love to see Snooki model these or someone with real breastes. Lol.
I just can't with that show.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Bang on, jsanto! I was thinking "That may be fine for someone with fake tatas that stand at permanent attention, but my natural DDD's require more support." (Still not saggier than Blohan's, and I've nursed 3 kids.)
I've always thought she would have been a beautiful woman if she hadn't got the plastic surgery and the tattoos.
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..."suspicious looking local".
That'll do pig.
Ha can't ya just picture Snooki in that bikini...bleach my eyes
Its funny to me that off all the Jersey Shore twits, Jwoww was actually the least sluttiest, sometimes was the voice of reason and the only one that didnt fuck her roommates.
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Live Long and Prosper!!
the "skank" tag fits perfectly...
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"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr
Submitted by snowpiece on Fri, 12/23/2011 - 9:05am.
Sorry but I think JWOW is kinda smoking hot! *hides from all the ladies behind Whamo*
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I'll protect ya Snowy!
*feels up snowy's beewbs*
Submitted by Hekki on Fri, 12/23/2011 - 9:07am.
I'm still waiting for a well-cut line of one-piece that doesn't look sporty or matronly. That are affordable.
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I'm not even going to hate on her line because its almost magical but have you taken a look at Sophia Vergara's line at Kmart? Not sure how long its been out, but they have a built in support system in all her clothes. I'm going to assume she will have a swim suit collection come summer because if so, I'll be the first to buy some.
I feel like she's giving me a bit of a Katherine McPhee vibe in the facial area, if Katherine McPhee had Pamela Anderson's body circa 1996, in some of these pics. In other words, Santa's bringing some Photoshop editors a new set of hands this year to reward a job well done. Bravo...skank.
It looks like the top is about to slip off her tits and fall around her waist.
No way would my rebellious tits stay inside that.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
It's not a bad idea, but i wonder how my real tits would look with this on.
Did you read the FAQs? "Taking the bikini off is very similar to taking off a band-aid." better make sure you pluck any nip hairs before applying.
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*Beauty fades, but bitchiness gets better with age!* - MK
JWOWW reminds me of chicks I went to high school with that had like 9 abortions before they turned 18. Really sexxxayy
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
She's looking a little Catherine Zeta Jones in the face to me.
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"Oh hellllll yes! I just bought a ticket on the RobPatt crazy train!!! Chooo-Fuckin-Chooo!!!"—Clarisse
"Eyebrows, you in danger girl!"
I'm still waiting for a well-cut line of one-piece that doesn't look sporty or matronly. That are affordable.
The best I ever found was low-cut in the back and front and a tad high in the leg-holes. It was made of a black nubbly fabric that hid all the imperfections that a thin layer of spandexy stuff exposes. It was from France and I got it at Daffy's for $30. Wore that thing year after year until it literally fell apart. I still have it because I dream of taking it apart and making a pattern from it so I can make my own bathing suits some day.