SPOILER ALERT: Who’s Coming Back For Season 2 Of American Horror Story

December 22, 2011 / Posted by:

Sadly, the American Horror Story season one finale didn’t end with all of the Kardashians moving into the house and the camera panning to that anti-christ child throwing us a “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it!” wink, but it did end with the entire Harmon family living happily ever as ghosts who can still cum. There was still a bunch of questions that went unanswered (examples: Who is Constance’s fourth kid? Why did Mena Suvari look like Michael Jackson? How come Beetlejuice didn’t make a cameo? etc…), but shit pretty much wrapped up.

Ryan Murphy said way in the beginning of AHS that his original vision was to do every season in a different city with a different house and that’s apparently what his ass is going to do. The Harmons are finished, that house is a thing of the past and spending your Wednesday nights humping your sofa pillow to a topless Dylan McDermott soaping up his nipples is behind you. During a conference call today, Ryan Murphy said this is what’s going to happen next season:

– The fuckery will go down in a different house or building and the entire second season will have a new “overriding theme.”

Connie Britton and Dylan McDermott will not be the leads of season two. Connie, Dylan and some actors from season one will hopefully be back, but they’ll play different characters. Ryan’s talking to some cast members from season one about playing lead characters in season two, but he won’t say who.

– In February, FX will announce the new cast, storyline as well as where it will take place. Ryan says that there’s a clue in the last three episodes on where season two will take place. Ryan ended with, “Getting to tell a different aspect of what an American horror story can be [every season] is fascinating.”

I went to a few websites and read what commenters had to say about this shit and some people were chewing their own nipples off and spitting the pieces out at Ryan’s face because they’re so outraged. But I’m kind of into it. Who wants to see the same ass faces doing the same ass shit? This is kind of like novellas. It goes on for a quick minute, then it ends and a new story begins with some of the same actors playing different roles. My abuelita approves. But I just hope that Ryan keeps Jessica Lange as Constance. Jessica Lange could read the ingredients on a bottle of lube and my ears would curl out to eat more of her voice.

Constance should move to the Glee town, enroll her anti-christ son into that high school (He’s a prodigy. He skipped a lot of grades, okay.) and let him viciously murder each one of those annoying bitches one by one MID-SONG. That needs to happen.

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