The sound of a high-pitched, virgin blood-curdling wailing poured out of Castle Grayskull on the day that pictures came out of JLo’s hobbit whore playing with her children in Hawaii and so it’s no surprise that Skeletor wants REVENGE! The easiest way to destroy JLo would be to switch the things she loves most (see: her diamonds) with cheap rhinestones since the bitch can’t start her day until she sniffs the luxury fumes off of them while telling them how much they mean to her, but Skeletor thinks he has a better idea. Skeletor is going after (cue up lightning bolt sound effect) THE CHILDREN!!!!
Some source tells UsWeekly that Skeletor and JLo’s child custody negotiations were going smoothly until he found out that her 24-year-old piece has been hanging around the kids. Skeletor is thinking about going against everything he promised to ruin that bitch. The source said, “He wants to make Jennifer suffer because she’s having fun with someone new, and he knows this will hurt her on the deepest level.”
Um. If JLo was a pool, she’d be all shallow end, so I don’t know where the source is going with this “deepest level” shit. There’s two levels in JLo’s soul: the first is MONEY and the second is MEEEEEE! There’s no basement. But Skeletor still shouldn’t go through with this. If he takes the Dragon Tales Twins away, who is JLo going to whore out in a magazine spread when she needs some quick attention? Without any kids to whore out, she’ll want to make some new ones with that Casper Smart troll. She’ll hire a team of scientists to speed up Casper’s puberty and make his balls drop so he can start churning the sperm out. Then they’ll start spawning! Can you imagine what their babies would look like? I’m sure you just did and the image that terrorized your head looked a lot like Griphook with a pacifier in his mouth. So please, Skeletor, don’t do this. Don’t do this for humanity’s sake!