The Photoshop Awards: Wonky McValtrex On Vanity Fair España
The offices of Vanity Fair España must have been sucked into a time warp and shoved into the raw asshole of 2004 while they were doing their January issue, because why in SANTO DIOS fuckery hell would they put this vapid relic of skank trash on their cover? Parasite Hilton shouldn't have been on the cover in 2004, and she really shouldn't be on that shit now. Was nobody else available? Paz Vega's dog walker? Pedro Almodovar's nipple hair dandruff? The assistant to the royal groomer who prunes the ethereal dandelion bush on the Duchess of Alba's head? A homeless man who barfed on Javier Bardem's shoes once? Any of those should've been on the cover before this wax dildo in a weave. But you know, I'm not even sure that is Wonky. It could be an alien lizard wearing a mannequin's torn off face.
And do you blame that poor dog for wondering if there's enough coffee in that cup for it drown itself in? It's either that or face the doggy death closet of doom.
via HuffPo (Thanks, Glasgow!)
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What an evil duck faced looking whore.
Why is she trying to be all Charlize Theron in the J'Adore commercial?
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"That's an awfully high horse sir, may I pet him?"
Karl J. Anglin
The dog looks soooooooooo cute!!!!!!!!!
I never thought I'd say this but I LONG for the days of Paris Hilton's fame. She had one show, one sister (who pretty much stuck to the background) and pretty much stuck to terrorizing the West Sunset Strip Clubs. The Kuntrashians OTOH are a battalion of skanks with enough TV hours to fill a charity telethon, and they're spawning.
Lastly, Spain is in Europe not in Latin America. So she's not "testing the Latin Markets".
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"How nice, to feel nothing, and still get full credit for being alive."
- Kurt Vonnegut, Slaughterhouse-Five
she has great bras. Her boob size changes all the time.
I actually think she has very pretty boobies.
Her face looks like shit though.
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Flirting with this disaster became me
It named me as the fool who only aimed to be
Almost blue
-Elvis Costello
In one picture she has boobies, the next she doesn't... I'm confused.
"Put a needle in my hand, I'm a regular Victor Van Gogh"
Dinosaur Bob
You mean to tell me out of all the very relevant Spanish and Latin celebrities that are actually interesting they decided to go with Paris Hilton! Dios Mio!
That puppeh!!! Soooo cute.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Robo Teen-boy Paris! RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!
That shit looks horrible. VF can't afford someone who knows their ass from their elbow on photoshop? Her face looks like a still from another shoot 2 years back put on with a cut and paste tool. A Russian porn site could have done a better job.
barzzini
Oh how i love waking up to your insights. Funny shit and always right.
Submitted by Cat
Joan Van Ark never looked so good.
LOL! Spot on:
http://images.search.yahoo.com/images/view?back=http%3A%2F%2Fsearch.yaho...
This is an anime cover. Right?
*bleaches out eye herpes*
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Visit Anthony Higgins Performances on Facebook.
I thought she was news 5 years ago
www.theinfamouslife.com
www.twitter.com/so_infamous
Funny, but in my country, when we say "Mas Lista" it really isn't a compliment. It's like she's "Slick ass".
"Pulling the wool over your eyes" slick.
Not sure why she is even relevant anymore.
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Brevity may be the soul of wit, but to twit without wit is soulless -- Johanne Savoie
everything about this monstrosity is an assault to the senses...right down to that ridiculous wig...what did that dog do to deserve all this...
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"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr
I cancelled my subscription to Vanity Fair years ago, the first time they put this wonky bitch on the cover. I think the only time I've ever writen a magazine, and the only time I've requested a refund for the remainder of my subscription.
I got a "we want you back" letter a couple of days ago in the mail. A years subscription for $12... I was thinking about jumping back on board, so the timing on this couldn't be better. $12 saved.
lets all do the time warp dance
oh yea.
☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
ewww!
'We are responsible for what we do unless we are celebrities.'
She looks exactly like a mannequin, especially the way she's posing, with her right hand pointing like that. Creepy.
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"I prefer my pieces the same way I prefer my Slim Jims, long, lean and mute" --the incomparable MK
She's blonde because she bleaches her hair and the extensions she wears.
She's rich because her parents have a lot of money.
I suppose Vanity Fair España wants people to buy the magazine to find out why she's such a genius.
I just saw this bitch get a pole thrown through her head on House of Wax. I figured someone else came up with that scene but now I'm wondering whether she thought of that idea herself!
I'm very superficial, I hate everything official.
I saw "mas lista", and thought "wow, my Spanish must be rustier than I thought".
She's so smart that her gross sidekick stole her "business plan", and pushed her right out.
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I refreshed the page and my PENIS WAS GONE! -- SugarFreeRedBull, MicroPenis Advocate
whotf is this?? almost appears animated as many posters have pointed out.
Can't wait for Kim Kardashian to join this bitch in irrevelance. Then again when that happens some other talent less ho will probably be famous for nothing!!
I feel sorry for this bitch just a little after being upstaged by those fat arsed Kardashians
Her eyes match. This is bullshit.
The offices of Vanity Fair España must have been sucked into a time warp and shoved into the raw asshole of 2004 while they were doing their January issue
^^^^^My. Thoughts. EXACTLY!!!
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"The older you get, the wiser you get...unless you're a banana!" - Rose Nylund
This. Is. Painful.
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I'm cold and there are wolves after me...
She's so irrelevant it's almost sad.
I've seen pics of her pre-plastic surgery and she was actually kind of cute at one time. Her original nose is much better and more attractive than the hook-job she currently sports.
In any event, who on earth gives a shit? She's a dumb, useless, has-been, nobody. Can't wait for Kim K to join her in no-one-cares-about-you-vacuous-cuntland.
LOLOLOLOLOL!
Still single? Yeah, that's what I thought.
♥ Threadkilla!
"god bless, buy my single!"~Courtney Stodden
Jebus tits. I hate when the last post of the day makes me feel the need to be de-loused in a Silkwood stylie. God Dammit!
"Revenge is sweet and not fattening"
-Alfred Hitchcock-
The 1st thing I thought of was a younger Kim Richards.
dear gawd, she is so not attractive normally, but when PhotoShop fails to help, you know you're really fucked.
That is a horrible picture of her! hahahah
She can look very pretty in pictures. She is not aging well at all, and the photoshop is not helping her this time.
More importantly, who gives a shit about Paris anymore? How the hell is she getting a magazine cover? ANYWHERE?
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Whenever I see your smiling face, I have to smile myself
Because I love you
-James Taylor
The blondest(ok fine) but richest and smartest?
Wtf do they smoke in Spain because I sure as hell want a hit of it.
UGH. I still can't stand this ugly, fake ass bitch, but I'd take her over the fucking Kardouchians any day.
Is that some sort of illuminati gesture with her right hand?
“People say I'm indecisive, but I don't know about that.”
G.W.B.
IMAGE REHAB in full effect. Test it in the Latin markets first...then bring it to the U.S.
Yes,the American public is gullible enough to bite.
Why is she still allowed to have pets?
January Jones called. She wants her "Botoxed Sterile Face that will Haunt our Nightmares until Sweet Sweet Death Comes for Us" look back.
Occupy Paris' Pomeranian!
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"Uh, hello, room service? I'd like some bacon, a couple of Cokes, and a bunch of whores." -Butthead, of Beavis and Butthead
Las mas rubia - the blondest;
La mas rica - the richest;
Y sorpresa la mas lista - and surprise the most clever.
PARIS HILTON?!?!
Those Spanish bitches be ethupidos.
Wait.. this ho is still relavent? No, no... was she ever relavent?
Shame on Vanity Fair for covering such trash. At least I won't have to shell out the bucks to buy this issue...
Makes me sad at the whole death of magazines .. really, things like VF and Playboy that used to be sorta-consequential or at least interesting, damn, look at em now - talk about totally scraping the barrel
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"End well: this isn't going to." - MK
This dildo hag should marry Beetlejuice. His crazy hair and striped tongue with his stinky feet would be a good match.
Joan Van Ark never looked so good.
Oh, God. This is the last thing I wanted to see when I got on this site! Eck. Lol. Paris is so FUG.
what a blast from the past Wonky McV. is!
the good news? a year from now all those skanky Kardassians will be just as irrelevant and just as forgotten.
So, so happy to see PMK playing all her cards wrong week after week after week.
If you squint a little, it looks like the dog is resting on her giant, saggy National Geographic left tit.
Submitted by WinterOwl22 on Wed, 12/21/2011 - 8:25pm.
Y los ojos oposum.
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Please: It's "rahnday."