“You Are The Most Beautiful Princess I’ve Ever Seen…”

December 20, 2011 / Posted by:

Yes, that headline quote is one hundred percent accurate. Tommy Girl cooed out those words after catching his own reflection in Stepford Katie’s glazed over eyeballs. You really haven’t seen your own reflection until you’ve seen it in a pair of face globes whose e-meter-induced sparkle hides the pieces of her soul trying to knock their way out of her head.

After days of dragging Suri out for staged photo-ops, Tommy Girl finally had his big premiere in NYC last night for Mission Impossible 4: You Try Getting Suri Into A Pair Of Flats, and he torched the red carpet by working the shit out of that flesh-colored cheek nipple on his face. Tommy didn’t only make no-nos pucker by winking at the camera, but he also induced vomiting when he talked about Stepford Katie to People. Tommy said, “Every day I fall more in love with her. It’s been quite an amazing five years because of her. She’s an incredible woman. She’s everything to me.”

Tommy laid it on so slimy and thick that if he scooted his Scientolohole across that quote, he wouldn’t ever have to reach for a bottle of ass lube again. Bitch’s butt cunt would stay forever lubricated. Damn. I know Katie has been an indentured beard and Tommy will have a short (very short, shorter than him) case of the sads when he has to rip her off of his chin after their 10 year contract ends, but “EVERYTHING TO ME”?! Tommy should save those words for the L. Ron Hubbard hologram in his dungeon or his favorite pair of lifts. Not Katie. For shame.

Anyway, here’s the whores and bores from last night’s premiere. In order: Tommy & Katie, Simon Pegg, Paula Patton with Robin Thicke, Josh Holloway with his wife, Alan Thicke with his wife and Jeremy Renner.

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