Since it was Stepford Katie’s birthday yesterday, Suri, her full-time stylist and dresser, let her be a big girl and choose her own ensemble. Big mistake. Big. HUGE! Stepford Katie went to dinner in NYC wearing some shit that is only acceptable at an Amish disco or a pilgrim key party. Katie is only 33 years old, so I don’t think her tits should be slow dancing cheek-to-cheek with her elbows. (Yes, elbows and tits have cheeks. Go back to anatomy class!)
Tommy must be wearing his highest lifts, because if he wasn’t he’d be face-to-nipple with his wife’s chichis. The last time his face got too close to a pair of actual lady breasts, he shriveled down like a snail under a salt shower and a hand full of penis fingers had to stroke his forehead while telling him everything is going to be alright. Tommy’s titty trauma is no joke.
And I’m not sure if Suri is hiding, because she’s sick of her parents parading her in front of the paps or if she’s genuinely I CAN’T-ING inside over her mom’s embarrassing outfit.