The Jokes Write Themselves: Joe Jonas Goes To The E.R. With Stomach Problems
Poor Joe Jonas had the aches in his stomach so bad on Sunday that he had to check into the emergency room at The Children's Hospital in L.A. Yes, the fucking children's hospital. I did hear once that Joe Jonas has the esophagus of a 5-year-old boy (No Sandusky). TMZ says that Joe was partying hard in Chicago on Friday night, yodeled out musical notes during a concert on Saturday night and when he got back to L.A. on Sunday his insides were gurgling like the soul-devouring minion Disney implanted in there was trying to eat its way out.
Joe's spokeswhore wouldn't say why he had the sicks, but they did say that he was released shortly after he got there and was well enough to eat sushi with his brother later last night. So to recap, Joe Jonas had to go to a children's hospital for stomach problems and he later drowned the pains with a whole lot of raw fish. This story is a spread eagle Hilton who doesn't ask you any questions. Just too too TOO easy.
But seriously, why is this giving me shades of the "Jordan Knight gets a gut full of jizz pumped out of him?" urban legend? Well, Joe Jonas is this generation's Jordan Knight, so I guess this is his destiny. This should also teach him to have a private medical team standing by when his piece convinces him that an arm-sized dildo covered in Mexican cocaine will make his prostate's life! Tommy Girl would never make that mistake.
(Image via Fame Pictures)
There was the same rumor about Jon Bon Jovi and Richie Sambora.
joe joe joe, who knew you were such a huge whore.
obviously that orgy got out of control and he drank way toooo much cum.
Hasn't Joe been photographed with the yellow shorted slam piece before? This canoodling looks very familiar....
He's hot.
I don't know much about the Jonas Bros. Are they under contact with Disney or some shit and can't come out of the closet? I mean, look at Joe standing there - the elephant in the room - with his yellow-short-clad power top beside him. Be all that you can be, wee gay baby Elvis.
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"When I come up, I rush, I rush for you..."
When did Joe start wearing board shorts? I miss the tiny shorts he and his brothers would wear.
The poster formerly known as Snow Owl formerly known as Night Owl!
Who's the tall drink of twink to the left?
I think he looks kinda hot here.
Give him a little overbite and he could play Freddie Mercury.
Submitted by Meatblocks on Mon, 12/19/2011 - 1:24pm.
rod stewart here
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I'm a great fan on your work. <3
I lol'd when a classmate admitted he still saw his pediatrician at age 17. I was like, "that is so stupid, who sees a pediatrician after age 10?"
Dork.
Submitted by Whamo on Mon, 12/19/2011 - 2:39pm.
Oh, that was you who threw the five dollar bill in the back seat!
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Don't stand on my tits, bitch!
Submitted by christine the hoff on Mon, 12/19/2011 - 2:20pm.
Submitted by Whamo on Mon, 12/19/2011 - 1:27pm.
Submitted by christine the hoff on Mon, 12/19/2011 - 1:11pm.
spit, don't swallow!!!
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Your bumper sticker? :)
Who told you?
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I think I saw your car in front of my local peeler joint, I think there's something wrong with your suspension because the car was rocking for some reason.
My honest guess is condom retrieval. If you fuck a trick who thinks he needs magnums and he doesn't the condom can slip off while getting it on and then then the bottom has to go to the emergency room so the Dr's can pull it out of his ass.
Since it isn't actually stomach pains or the flu he can later eat whatever he wants.
Yes, because the thing I most want to eat after debilitating stomach pains is... Sushi.
Usually you start with applesauce and rice and take it from there.
Submitted by Whamo on Mon, 12/19/2011 - 1:27pm.
Submitted by christine the hoff on Mon, 12/19/2011 - 1:11pm.
spit, don't swallow!!!
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Your bumper sticker? :)
Who told you?
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Don't stand on my tits, bitch!
Oh my God, I remember the Jordan Knight rumor! I was in 6th grade and I was DEVASTATED that people were saying that shit about my favorite New Kid.
"Every time an asshole signs off with 'love and light,' hate and darkness eats a kitten." -MK
Nobody stands like that unless you know you're having your picture taken and are ever so diligently sucking in the belly.
Submitted by christine the hoff on Mon, 12/19/2011 - 1:11pm.
spit, don't swallow!!!
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Your bumper sticker? :)
Anybody from Chicago-land here??? Please, please, please tell us Board Room Nightclub is a gay bar....
rod stewart here too ... "blew his band" & "stomach pumped" was what was whispered in confidence to all us under the street lamp, right before getting called in for the night. i didn't even know wtf that meant.
*peddles off in a mint '88 yugo*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2vF3cRi8bkA
Never heard the Jordan Knight rumor. Certainly the Gere and Jagger one though (didn't that also involve Rod Stewart? Or was it Bowie?)
Ahh urban legends.
Also, the decision to go to the Children's Hospital may have been because he wanted to go somewhere with people who have actually heard of him? (Kidding, sort of). It would be interesting to know if an ambulance took him there (which means it was out of his control) or someone drove him.
Bwaaaaaaahahahah @ Hoffalina.
That's all just children's hospital code for a rectal foreign body extraction. See also: Rectal Foreign Bodies
spit, don't swallow!!!
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Don't stand on my tits, bitch!
Submitted by letinstar on Mon, 12/19/2011 - 1:03pm.
Same thing I was wondering!
Slooooooooooooowwwwww news day.
Hahahaha. What a pussy.
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Douchechill!
I know the Jonases as the cute one, the married one, and the other one, which I think this is, but don't care enuf to actually Google.
The children's hospital at 22?? WTF?????
*stuffs coal up Joe's ass*
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I'm gonna just come out and admit that I think he looks pretty hot in that Just in Love video. Phew, now I feel better.
I feel your pain, joe. My stomach is killing me right now, serves me right for all the pre-christmas face stuffing. *cries*
It's never too late to be who you might have been.
~George Eliot~
Submitted by guest on Mon, 12/19/2011 - 12:51pm.
*googles Joe Jonas's age* god help me. lol.
22??
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whaaaat?
why would a children's hospital not turn his ass away at the fucking door? why would he even GO to a children's hospital if he's in his damn 20's??? Seventeen or 18, I could see, if maybe his pediatrician was based there. Good lord, what did the driver say when he said, "take me to the children's hospital"?
since when does children's hospital specialize in cock juice removal?
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"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr
Submitted by M.E. on Mon, 12/19/2011 - 12:39pm.
I remember the Richard Gere gerbil rumor.
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I remember when Richard Gere's gerbil had to get IT's stomach pumped!
I'm with MK and others. I think this bitch was more filled with jizz than John Wayne's colon was impacted at the time of his death! Strange that a children's hospital would be the go-to place to have a semen extraction done!
Soggy Biscuit!
Sometimes I get hangover induced migraines. I am so sick I want to take myself to the hospital. You would think I would learn my lesson but noooooooooooooooooo.
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You really have to side clap and pucker for a piece who can stand next to a white feather and out-gay it. - MK 8/3/2011
*googles Joe Jonas's age* god help me. lol.
22??
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
I'm old enough to remember it as the Elton John stomach pumping after they passed around a bucket at a concert and all the guys jizzed in it so Elton could eat every drop. You sure don't hear about concerts like that in elementary schools these days. But I never believed that one. Not nearly as realistic as Prince Andrew losing at the soggy biscuit game during the Falkland War.
If Joe didn't shave his chest, he would make a very passable '70s Castro Clone. I approve.
Childrens Hospital?
Is this bitch serious?
I had forgotten all about the existence of these fools. Too bad it couldn't have stayed that way! Damn Joe Jonas for being such a pussay.
I'm sure what really happened was Josephina was eating his boyfriend's pussy then his boyfriend farted and Josephinina said "no do it again, I like it."
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
The Children's Hospital , wtf? Doesn't this fool know he's a grownup now?
I remember the Richard Gere gerbil rumor.
Maybe he was getting his ribs removed a la Marilyn Manson!!!!!
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
It's called a hangover dude. Eat some pizza, take some advil, gnaw on a tums and deal.
Rod Stewart=stomach pump.
Richard Gere=gerbils.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
i remember the rod stewart one too!!
edited to correct my bad spelling!
I'm old enough to remember it as Rod Stewart getting his stomach pumped.