Nobody Wants Lindsay Lohan’s Playboy Spread, Or Do They?

December 18, 2011 / Posted by:

Lindsay Lohan’s boring ass Playboy spread, which was so damn airbrushed that Photoshop received a Purple Heart for it, oozed out of the Internet’s pores a week before the issue came out, so anybody who really wanted to see it, saw it without having to pull out their wallet and do the walk of shame up to the counter. The pictures are everywhere, like a first-time herpes outbreak. If you Google “Photoshop OVERDOSE,” LiLo’s freckled titty dumplings will be staring back at you. The only bitch who would want to buy a copy of LiLo’s spread is a serial killer who wants to torture his victims more by covering their cage floor with it. So it’s not actually surprising to hear from Fox411 that LiLo’s Playboy issue is about as successful as the current state of her career.

Fox411 spent Friday morning trolling the shelves of newsstands and gas stations from New York to Philadelphia only to be confronted with the same reality at each: Lohan’s glassy-eyed stare peaking above the backs of more family friendly fare, with no one staring back or making a purchase.

“No one has bought it,” was the resounding answer to our query at each stop.

But wait! TMZ has basically called Fox411 a bunch of lie-tellers, because they’re saying that mess of an issue is selling out everywhere. Re-orders are coming in from NYC, L.A. and a bunch of other cities that Playboy usually doesn’t get re-orders form.

WHO TO BELIEVE?!!! Do we believe Fox411 who actually makes sense since why would you buy the freckled sag sacks when you can get that shit for free on the Internet? Or do we believe TMZ? I’d totally believe TMZ if they added that White Oprah stood at the newsstand and agreed to slap herself in the face every time somebody bought a Playboy.

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