Nobody Wants Lindsay Lohan's Playboy Spread, Or Do They?
Lindsay Lohan's boring ass Playboy spread, which was so damn airbrushed that Photoshop received a Purple Heart for it, oozed out of the Internet's pores a week before the issue came out, so anybody who really wanted to see it, saw it without having to pull out their wallet and do the walk of shame up to the counter. The pictures are everywhere, like a first-time herpes outbreak. If you Google "Photoshop OVERDOSE," LiLo's freckled titty dumplings will be staring back at you. The only bitch who would want to buy a copy of LiLo's spread is a serial killer who wants to torture his victims more by covering their cage floor with it. So it's not actually surprising to hear from Fox411 that LiLo's Playboy issue is about as successful as the current state of her career.
Fox411 spent Friday morning trolling the shelves of newsstands and gas stations from New York to Philadelphia only to be confronted with the same reality at each: Lohan’s glassy-eyed stare peaking above the backs of more family friendly fare, with no one staring back or making a purchase.“No one has bought it,” was the resounding answer to our query at each stop.
But wait! TMZ has basically called Fox411 a bunch of lie-tellers, because they're saying that mess of an issue is selling out everywhere. Re-orders are coming in from NYC, L.A. and a bunch of other cities that Playboy usually doesn't get re-orders form.
WHO TO BELIEVE?!!! Do we believe Fox411 who actually makes sense since why would you buy the freckled sag sacks when you can get that shit for free on the Internet? Or do we believe TMZ? I'd totally believe TMZ if they added that White Oprah stood at the newsstand and agreed to slap herself in the face every time somebody bought a Playboy.
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I would love to have a job where my hard-hitting investigative research involved driving from convenience store to convenience store asking the cashiers how many Playboys they sold that day.
Or better yet hanging out at TMZ printing whatever White Oprah or the Kardashians suggest and not even bothering to spellcheck the headlines.
I'm very superficial, I hate everything official.
Today's winner for comment of the day:
Submitted by loopygorilla on Sun, 12/18/2011 - 9:48pm.
This is just too much for me, Hohan's name being used in the same vain as leaked and spread.
i never want to hear lindsay's name being used again with those two words.
Even as a dlisted bitch i have to draw the line.
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Please report to the home office to collect your McD's ketchup packet.
Submitted by super martian r... on Mon, 12/19/2011 - 10:27am.
How is Playboy not out of business? The only people who buy it must be collectors and old men too stupid to navigate the internet for soft core dullsville porn.
My hubby was a subscriber, he is a collector (mags, sports memorabilia, etc), and almost every month he is always asking "who the hell is this?" or "Playboy has gone down way down hill" etc..., he recently canceled after about 25 years of subscribing.
Submitted by super martian r... on Mon, 12/19/2011 - 10:27am.
How is Playboy not out of business? The only people who buy it must be collectors and old men too stupid to navigate the internet for soft core dullsville porn.
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IKR? At one time, perhaps even still, Playboy had stellar writing. I have not seen one since the 80s, at least so, I don't know how the writing is now. I see enuf vapid twats on the D to know that the magazine is probably much of the same.
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Visit Anthony Higgins Performances on Facebook.
What's up with the hairless crotch areas these days? My boyfriend shaved his once, but I made him grow it back because I felt like a child molester whenever I pulled his pants down.
Who could've failed to realize that the messiah otherwise known as Lilo was bound to excel all expectations? After all, one isn't hardly buying into a blonde skank with fake breasts and a cute giggle but the enigma that is Lilo: her horror stories, her crack teeth, her post adolescent truant missions in and out of jail and the veneer of White Oprah staring from above the headlines imploring us to understand that her baby is not a white crack reject but rather the reincarnate of cucumber scented love kisses that one greedily applies in gentle half motions against their soul.
Of course Lilo was bound to break all records, and the old man Captain Hugh knew it.
http://scallywagandvagabond.com/2011/12/my-hero-lindsay-lohan-would-like...
How is Playboy not out of business? The only people who buy it must be collectors and old men too stupid to navigate the internet for soft core dullsville porn.
At least the pictorial is appropriate. Marilyn Monroe was unstable skank and died of a drug overdose. I'm sure Lindsay Lohan will meet the same end. they are both so pathetic yet people can't stop talking about them. They're both pathetic.
Submitted by TequilaTax on Mon, 12/19/2011 - 6:30am.
If this was the spread that Hef had redone, I wonder what the original spread looked like?
Hopefully someone leaks them like those pics of Vadge pre-photofuckery for D&G. I heard Hohan's were so bad not only the body but Hef sent her out to get her teef fixed.
I can't believe anyone would want to buy this issue so I'm calling bullshit that they're 'flying off the shelf'.
Submitted by TheBreakdown on Mon, 12/19/2011 - 6:36am.
LMAO!
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He kinda reminds me of Ron Jeremy, but...not as classy! - Submitted by david Letterman
Besides, it's just marriage! Who in the hell takes that shit seriously? - Michael K
honey, I wouldn't pay to see this tired thing's nekkid ass if I was suffocating and the paper it was printed on had oxygen in it -
now we know where missing $10k went:
white o bought all the issues
no poon, no sale.
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♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
It was a "classy" photo spread which usually means boring and it was. Will not be buying it.
Well it IS an oddity; in all of my years, I have never seen tubular tits. Since the leak, I now know such things exist, if only in Hollywood.
to quote Rosie O'Donnell to Madonna in "A League of their Own" (a great movie):
"Do you think there are people out there who haven't seen you naked?"
go sell your day old pastries elsewhere, sweetie. nobody's interested.
Please.
If this strawberry snortcake was posing buck ass nekkid in my driveway, I would not even peek through the blinds from my bedroom at her tainted poon and other assorted fart parts.
And now that I think about it, I'd probably snipe that trick for trespassing on my fuckin' property.
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If this was the spread that Hef had redone, I wonder what the original spread looked like?
I kinda find it hard to believe that any news stand would sell and adverage of 40-50 copies of Playboy.
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He kinda reminds me of Ron Jeremy, but...not as classy! - Submitted by david Letterman
Besides, it's just marriage! Who in the hell takes that shit seriously? - Michael K
i hate giving the "thumbs up" to anything fox, but, i'm gonna side with them on this...anyone with internet access who cared to google this skank, could see her firecrotch on display for free..
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"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr
who buys Playboy anyway?
let alone putting this slag on the cover....
super fail.
So Lindsay's career is as dead as the magazine format? Believable.
OR pepaws who don't understand the internets are crawling out of their retirement homes to buy the issue.
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What kind of fuckery is this?
If you read through TMZ you'll notice that they're promoting certain people by saying only positive things about them. Hef is one, Joe Francis is another. Which leads me to believe these people are paying TMZ for positive press.
(Edited to add: ba-buttons is right, only funnier, which only makes me hate him more.)
So I'd believe Fox411. Not to mention the fact that Blohan is not only box office poison but poison in every other regard, and nobody really finds her "fascinating" any more, they just want to see trainwreck and Playboy photoshopped that right out.
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"This is so over the top the director must be a Sherpa." -- Who Datt
Nothing to do with Playboy or Lilo herself, but I've always hated that Dina's name is pronounced "Deena." Dina should be "Dai-na", in my mind.
Fox411 did actual research by calling numerous magazine vendors & retailers. TMZ got it's information directly from hefner, who has to ship this non-selling toxic waste to pay for blowhan's totally unwarranted salary. Who to believe...
Edit: Just drove past 3 different magazine stands here in the Seattle area and, out of curiosity, I stopped and asked them how sales were going. Of the 3 (which are located in high traffic drive & walkby areas), only 1 has sold more than 1 copy; he's sold 2. Per them, usually they sell 40-50 copies by now. One of the vendors called it "the shittiest selling issue I've seen in 25 years". I'm guessing Fox411 found the same thing...
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"There's not enough liquor or therapy in the world to help me forget that..." - Archer
Miss Fire Crotch is Axe body spray personified. I guess this is the Christmas value pack offering?
"This better be important Jack, I was bidding on a bag of bras on ebay."
Liz Lemon
I will not pay money to see this crackwhore desecrate Marilyn Monroe's image any further.
Besides, everyone has seen her photoshopped fatbags already.
Submitted by Darth Stoner on Mon, 12/19/2011 - 12:26am.
Submitted by kittymuffin on Mon, 12/19/2011 - 12:21am.
lol.. * slaps you in the face with a McGriddles*
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Nom nom nom! You bought it! I ate it. I WIN!
You owe me a Lindsay Lohan Playboy yuletide log, Kitteh Mouf
How about a tommygirl yuletide log,dat's all thats left in in da stalking yo
Oh, Heffy Baby, not only must you pay Lunacy Lyin' to pose, you must now pay to get the issue talked about online. When Dina gets down on her knees it's never worth the price.
Submitted by kittymuffin on Mon, 12/19/2011 - 12:21am.
lol.. * slaps you in the face with a McGriddles*
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Nom nom nom! You bought it! I ate it. I WIN!
You owe me a Lindsay Lohan Playboy yuletide log, Kitteh Mouffon!
Who came up with Ketchup Packet ? HAHAHA
Submitted by Darth Stoner on Mon, 12/19/2011 - 12:05am.
Submitted by kittymuffin on Sun, 12/18/2011 - 11:59pm.
It looks like a porn Happy Meal box with a toy volkswagen in the box
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SLUG BUG! *steals your fries*
lol.. * slaps you in the face with a McGriddles*
Submitted by kittymuffin on Sun, 12/18/2011 - 11:59pm.
It looks like a porn Happy Meal box with a toy volkswagen in the box
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SLUG BUG! *steals your fries*
Submitted by cdawg on Sun, 12/18/2011 - 11:57pm.
I know exactly one person who has a subscription to playboy mailed to his abode. So there ya go.
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You know Hef?????
It looks like a porn Happy Meal box with a toy volkswagen in the box
Submitted by SANS FARDS on Sun, 12/18/2011 - 11:11pm.
Harsh, but true. I don't know any teenage boys who would wank to this issue.
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HAHAHA do you often talk to teenage boys about their wanking habits?
i have no idea why ANYONE would fap to this. it's so damn boring. i've seen more explicit tattoos.
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A baby's first words should not be: "DEATH DON'T TAKE ME NOW!!!" - MK
I know exactly one person who has a subscription to playboy mailed to his abode. So there ya go.
Besides, I read playboy for the articles.
be cool about fire safety
LOL @ the ketchup comments. Notice the mustard yellow print too? This is one fast food pussy fail.
DivaDee Rocks- umm if Valtrex came out with a special Herpes Simplex 2 magazine to show that the medicine really works I'm sure it would sell. Umm but her naked with that dead ass comotose leg she needs more ppl!!!
Ketchup Packet....best thing ever...who said that?
I feel like Andre Leon Talley when I look at this picture. There is nothing right about that face. Where's your smizing Linds? And God damn her left leg just looks like a Heather Mills original.
Submitted by ba-buttons on Sun, 12/18/2011 - 8:43pm.
TMZ is the latter day Entertainment Tonight - celebrities pay them to air 'stories' about them.
So yes, I believe Fox411 when they say no one is going to cough up $10 for a porn mag that hasn't been relevant for 20 years to see a coked out, pasty, freckly, atrophied crack whore flash her sagging udders.
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Harsh, but true. I don't know any teenage boys who would wank to this issue.
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Never question Bruce Dickinson!
Besides looking a like a McD's ketchup packet, the whole spread (no pun intended) is lazy. Lazy in it's conception and execution. It's too generic to be erotic and too lethargic to be art.
Please let this be the last time this ugly magazine cover is posted - the harsh primary colours, her lack of style and grace, the overdone (badly done) theme are all washed up. Flotsam fail!
I'm sure a few rolled up shitty Playboy mags are cheaper than a duraflame log in THIS ECONOMY.
I usually believe TMZ but there is no way in hell that this shit I selling out. No way, no way. Who would pay for that shit, especially when everyone has already seen it for free.
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I'm not a slut, I'm sexually liberated. There's a difference.
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There is not ONE photo in that Hohan spread that looks good. None of them. And I don't know why she opted for this grainy/blurry period piece kinda images because they make her look even worse.
If she had just done a Maxim cover, she would have fared better.
EPIC FAIL!
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Facebook: Triston Negreaux
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That cover girl is very pretty--who is she?
And, who on earth buys Playboy anymore? That washed-up rag is about as relevant as Hef's wrinkly ball sac.
TV!!!!!!
yes, your doggie poo is prettier than Lohan. I am sure it smells better than her feet too.
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What kind of fuckery are we?
Nowadays you don't mean dick to me
I might let you make it up to me...
-Amy Winehouse
Submitted by JessicaGiovanna on Sun, 12/18/2011 - 9:57pm.
She lacks grace and is very sloppy.. she never knows what to do w/ her legs and feet when she is posing.
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or walking
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"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"
She lacks grace and is very sloppy.. she never knows what to do w/ her legs and feet when she is posing.