The ultimate act of romance will take place soon when Jason Trawick asks the judge in charge of Brit Brit’s conservatorship case if they will grant him her hand in marriage as long as he promises to honor her, cherish her, obey her team of handlers and hide her meds in pizza rolls just like her daddy does. TMZ, UsWeekly and everybody else is reporting that Our Lady of Cheetos is about to become somebody’s wife woman for the third time in her 30 years on Earth.
The hybrid of Sam Merlotte and a bodybuilding turtle dipped Brit Brit’s sausage finger into a tub of Crisco and then slipped on an engagement ring at a private dinner for his 40th birthday last night. Daddy Spears has already taught Jason how his baby likes her Velveeta grits (that’s the equivalent of giving his blessing) and now the judge just has to sign off on this shit. Brit Brit Twatted this out this morning:
OMG. Last night Jason surprised me with the one gift I’ve been waiting for. Can’t wait to show you! SO SO SO excited!!!! Xxo
That Tweet really doesn’t mean anything. Jason could’ve given her Slim Jim-flavored lip chap for all we know. But anyway, congrats to the future Mrs. Trainwreck. And also, congrats to the makers of the Cheetos wedding dress, the Frappuccino fountain, the Gummy Bears bouquet and also to Del Taco’s fine dining catering department, because something tells me they’re about to get some business.