Jodie Marsh’s Hymen Has Magically Grown Back

December 16, 2011 / Posted by:

Your eyeballs deserve to be fertilized with drops of pure elegance this morning, so please use your mousepad as a Ouija Board and tell it take you to natural beauty. Your mouse will drag you to this NSFW link featuring England’s Finest Rose posing as a tundra slut in the middle of a frozen dick garden. Doctor’s recommend a daily dose of sophistication as part of a healthy lifestyle and you will get a week’s worth if you stare at Jodie Marsh’s nibbled-on sausage coins long enough.

Jodie brought her completely organic titty domes out for the prestigious journal of refinement called The Sun and she also gave them an interview where she talked about how she’s been virginized. It’s been so long since anybody has tapped on Jodie’s pristine oyster (or as the Health Department calls it, “A free pass to the clinic!”) and a cherry pearl has magically grown inside of her sugar shell making her a virgin again.

“I find it so hard to trust men now that I always wait for ages before agreeing to sex. I’ve had so many shit men in my life that I get scared of letting go. I’m basically celibate and like a virgin again. God knows what it would take to sleep with me now! If I could kiss anyone under the mistletoe this Christmas, it would have to be Gerard Butler or Tom Hardy.”

Every maker of topical ointment for genital warts just opened up their windows and jumped to their death since there’s no reason to go one. It’s true, though. Jodie is as pure on the inside as she is on the outside. She has left her shameless slut ways behind her. Need some proof? Well, during this photo shoot, she did get gang banged by those giant dickcicles, but she only let them stick the tip in, so you know she’s a changed whore.

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