Christian Bale And China Are Fucking Done, Professionally

December 16, 2011 / Posted by:

With a CNN camera crew at his side and his foolery meter set somewhere in between BRAVE BITCH, STUNT QUEEN and No Fucks to Give, Christian Bale tried to visit detained human rights activist Chen Ghuangcheng. And by “tried to visit” I don’t mean that Christian Bale glided in on his batwings, landed on Chen’s roof and stealthily slipped in through a chimney. Christian tried to use the front door, so you already know how that went.

Christian Bale was in China to promote his movie The Flowers of War, and wanted to drop in on the 40-year-old blind activist who has been locked up in his house ever since he was released from prison last year after serving time for damaging property during a protest. As Christian and CNN walked up the road to Chen’s small village, they were stopped by guards who refused to let them pass. At this point, Christian could’ve made the guards explode into outrage by bringing up Anne Hathaway as Catwoman and quietly snuck past them as their minds boggled inside of their heads. But Christian didn’t go with tactic, and instead he asked the guards “Why can’t we visit this free man?” Err. This is the point in the video game where your Xbox360 controller starts vibrating and you should run the other way.

The guards started punching at Christian’s camera and he and the crew ran back to their car. The guards weren’t through with them and chased them for 40 minutes. When they finally knocked those hos off their trail, Christian had a moment in the car:

“What I really wanted to do was to meet the man, shake his hand and say what an inspiration he is. I’m not brave doing this. The local people who are standing up to the authorities, who are visiting Chen and his family and getting beaten or detained, I want to support them.”

There are many things you really don’t mess with like a chihuahua gnawing on a bone, Tommy Girl’s Scientohole gnawing on a man bone (the little troll will cut you good), Jessica Simpson gnawing on a Kandy Kake, but if there’s one thing you really don’t mess with it’s Chinese security guards. But since Christian Bale decided that he is the one to fuck with Chinese security guards, I wish he would’ve went all the way by trashing some lights and calling all of them unprofessional assholes before stomping off to his trailer.

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