With her ladies-in-waiting at her side, Suri Cruise stomped through the streets of Manhattan this morning wearing a fur coat and a pair of gold heels that you might think she stole from a middle-aged hooker in the Bronx. But how dare you think that. Suri never touches an average mortal until their Thetans have been choked out with barley-scented steam. Suri’s coat is made from Auntie John Travolta’s old wigs and her exquisite heels are made from the gold coins the Scientologists throw at her feet when she walks up the church aisle to her throne. It really takes a lot of money and effort to dress like Strawberry Shortcake as a mafia wife.
And I know that Tommy and Stepford Katie are simply Suri’s handmaidens, but couldn’t they at least try to catch up to her glamour? Those two homely hags look like they should be sorting fish on a boat and I know that’s not the look Tommy is going for. Burn both of those ensembles, Suri!