The 2012 Golden George Nominations

The Golden Globe nominations were announced this morning and it was just a clusterfuck of questions marks and puddles of cold crap with added drops of Gosling, Clooney and Brangelooney (sorry, I wanted that mess to rhyme together).

The Help got a bunch of nominations and I don’t even know why. The only thing that mess should be nominated for is Achievement In Terrorizing My Ears By Using That Colbie Caillat Song In A Trailer That Played Every 2 Seconds On My TV. I had “Ooooooh, this is how it starts” trapped in my head space for months and hearing it made me want to sniff a sunflower while swinging on a tree swing. Shit is awful. My Week With Marilyn got nominated for Best Musical and ho sings like twice. Brangelina both got nominated, because not nominating them would go against the highest holy law. And George Clooney pretty much got nominated in every single category. The Golden Globes need to tear their tongue away from George’s anus for five seconds so they can slap the shit out of themselves. George already has two drawers full of gold-plated butt dildos and he doesn’t need another one.

All the nominations are after the jump. The only real good news to pinch my nipples to is that Jessica Lange, Madeline Stowe and Tilda Swinton all got nominations. They shouldn’t even bother with handing out the awards. Just get everyone tanked and let Ricky Gervais make fun of them to their faces for three hours straight. Their awards will be waiting for them in the car along with a baseball signed by Derek Jeter. Yes, the winners will all get 7 minutes of herpes heaven with Jeter. JUMP!

BEST ACTRESS, TV DRAMA
Claire Danes, Homeland
Mireille Enos, The Killing
Julianna Margulies, The Good Wife
Madeline Stowe, Revenge
Callie Thorne, Necessary Roughness

BEST ORIGINAL SONG
“Hello Hello,” Gnomeo and Juliet
“The Keeper,” Machine Gun Preacher
“Lay Your Head Down,” Albert Nobbs
“The Living Proof,” The Help
“Masterpiece,” W.E.

BEST ACTRESS, TV COMEDY
Laura Dern, Enlightened
Zooey Deschanel, New Girl
Tina Fey, 30 Rock
Laura Linney, The Big C
Amy Poehler, Parks and Recreation

BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE PICTURE
The Flowers of War
In the Land of Blood and Honey
The Kid With a Bike
A Separation
The Skin I Live In

BEST SCREENPLAY
Midnight in Paris
The Ides of March
The Descendants
Moneyball

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A SERIES, MINISERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
Jessica Lange, American Horror Story
Kelly MacDonald, Boardwalk Empire
Maggie Smith, Downton Abbey
Sofia Vergara, Modern Family
Evan Rachel Wood, Mildred Pierce

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A SERIES, MINISERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
Peter Dinklage, Game of Thrones
Paul Giamatti, Too Big To Fail
Guy Pearce, Mildred Pierce
Tim Robbins, Cinema Verite
Eric Stonestreet, Modern Family

BEST ACTOR, TV COMEDY
Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock
David Duchovny, Californication
Johnny Galecki, The Big Bang Theory
Thomas Jane, Hung
Matt LeBlanc, Episodes

BEST ORIGINAL SCORE
The Artist
W.E.
The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo
Hugo
War Horse

BEST MINISERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
Mildred Pierce
Too Big To Fail
Cinema Verite
Downton Abbey
The Hour

BEST TV SERIES, COMEDY
Enlightened
Episodes
Glee
Modern Family
New Girl

BEST ANIMATED FILM
The Adventures of Tintin
Arthur Christmas
Cars 2
Puss in Boots
Rango

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MINISERIES OR A MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
William Hurt, Too Big To Fail
Hugh Bonneville, Downton Abbey
Idris Elba, Luther
Bill Nighy, Page Eight
Dominic West, Appropriate Adult

BEST ACTOR, TV DRAMA
Steve Buscemi, Boardwalk Empire
Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad
Kelsey Grammer, Boss
Jeremy Irons, The Borgias
Damian Lewis, Homeland

BEST TV SERIES, DRAMA
American Horror Story
Boardwalk Empire
Boss
Game of Thrones
Homeland

BEST ACTOR, MUSICAL OR COMEDY
Jean Dujardin, The Artist
Brendan Gleeson, The Guard
Joseph Gordon-Levitt, 50/50
Ryan Gosling, Crazy, Stupid, Love
Owen Wilson, Midnight in Paris

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Bérénice Bejo, The Artist
Jessica Chastain, The Help
Janet Mcteer, Albert Nobbs
Octavia Spencer, The Help
Shailene Woodley, The Descendants

BEST ACTOR, DRAMA
George Clooney, The Descendants
Leonardo DiCaprio, J. Edgar
Michael Fassbender, Shame
Ryan Gosling, The Ides of March
Brad Pitt, Moneyball

BEST MOTION PICTURE, MUSICAL OR COMEDY
50/50
The Artist
Bridesmaids
Midnight in Paris
My Week With Marilyn

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MINISERIES OR A MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
Romolai Garai, The Hour
Diane Lane, Cinema Verite
Elizabeth McGovern, Downton Abbey
Emily Watson, Appropriate Adult
Kate Winslet, Mildred Pierce

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Kenneth Branagh, My Week With Marilyn
Albert Brooks, Drive
Jonah Hill, Moneyball
Viggo Mortensen, A Dangerous Method
Christopher Plummer, Beginners

BEST DIRECTOR
Woody Allen, Midnight in Paris
George Clooney, The Ides of March
Michel Hazanavicius, The Artist
Alexander Payne, The Descendants
Martin Scorsese, Hugo

BEST ACTRESS, DRAMA
Glenn Close, Albert Nobbs
Viola Davis, The Help
Rooney Mara, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
Meryl Streep, The Iron Lady
Tilda Swinton, We Need to Talk About Kevin

BEST ACTRESS, MUSICAL OR COMEDY
Jodie Foster, Carnage
Charlize Theron, Young Adult
Kristen Wiig, Bridesmaids
Michelle Williams, My Week with Marilyn
Kate Winslet, Carnage

BEST MOTION PICTURE, DRAMA
The Descendants
Moneyball
The Help
Hugo
The Ides of March
War Horse