Because Lindsay Lohan is allergic to being somewhat fucking responsible, she missed her flight to L.A. and had to skip her appearance on Ellen yesterday. So Ellen needed someone to fill in for that freckled tornado of dumb and they asked Paris Jackson of all people. Paris Jackson was on there to promote being Paris Jackson, I guess, because she mostly just talked about her father, her life with her father and her life now. I think I’ve said this before, but Paris Jackson seems very normal and well-adjusted, which is surprising since she comes from one of America’s first families of crazy. Maybe Auntie La Toya gave her some priceless advice by telling her to let the crazy simmer for a while and then let it explode when she turns 17.
Here’s what Paris had to say about feeling stupid while wearing those disguises and other things:
On those masks: “Yeah, I’m like, ‘This is stupid; why am I wearing a mask?’ But I kind of realized the older I got, like, he only tried to protect us and he’d explain that to us, too.”
On leaving homeschool for a regular school: “I love it. It’s definitely a different experience. … I do have like a regular childhood. I mean, I’m treated the same. When I came to Buckley (her school) they didn’t know who I was. I was like, ‘Yes, I have a chance to be normal.’ ”
On how Michael Jackson talk her how to act: “We would do improv together. He would give us little scenarios. He would (say), ‘OK, in this scene you’re going to cry’ and I’d cry on the spot.”
On the most memorable thing he ever said to her: “He said, ‘If I die tomorrow always remember what I told you.’ I took his advice and I remembered everything he told me.”
See. Kind of normal. Not once did she talk about how Auntie La Toya drags her to Bubbles’ sanctuary and makes her act out scenes from the “Leave Me Alone” video to relive the glory of the old days. Maybe Paris is saving that for the tell-all. Speaking of, it sort of pisses me off when children of celebrities go on talk shows to talk about their lives as celebrity children. Save those stories for the tell-all! You’re not supposed to give everything away for free. Haven’t we learned anything from Christina Crawford? Put it all in a tell-all and then maybe Faye Dunaway will play your parent in the movie. If Suri starts giving interviews to Diane Sawyer before her tell-all comes out, I’ll never forgive her.