In a shocking turn of events, Lindsay Lohan sashayed into a court room on time this morning and wasn’t taken away in handcuffs to get her latest mug shot of glamour taken. The bailiff was so confused after Judge Stephanie didn’t order him to take her into custody. That’s not how the game usually plays out and his routine is completely screwed up now. You can find him muttering around in a circle in a back room somewhere.
During LiLo’s short probation progress hearing today, Judge Stephanie gave her a gold star for finishing up her 12 days of community service early and gave her an extra pat on the taint for going to 5 therapy sessions instead of the 4 that are required. The morgue only had good things to say about LiLo and said that she fits right in (TOO EASY). LiLo’s next hearing is on January 17th, and she’ll have to finish another 12 days of community service before then. If she finishes all her shit early, she can travel out of state and go wherever she wants.
It’s sort of weird and slightly unnatural hearing only positive things from a Lindsay Lohan progress hearing. It’s sort of like when a dude butt bangs you with two fingers and then he tries to add a third. At first you’re like, “This is nice…” and then your’e like, “Errr… Not sure it’s supposed to go down like this…”
While watching the hearing, I kept waiting for her to set things right again by spontaneously punching her lawyer for no reason or something. I mean, this is Lindsay Lohan. Bitch likes to do bad things, so it must’ve even been weird for her to only get praise. Latarian Milton seriously doesn’t know what to think anymore.
Anyway, hopefully she keeps this up and gets this probation crap out of the way so she can go back to doing more important things like stealing shit and almost running over babies in strollers.
Here’s LiLo in court today and I think she was so nervous that her tits dropped to her stomach. And I can’t throw too much shade about her overall look, because only once did she look like she was about to push Hansel & Gretel into an oven.