Blind Items: I Guess, You Guess

December 14, 2011 / Posted by:

She was brought in from outside the United States. She only speaks Spanish (or Portuguese?), and has a child who is approximately Kindergarten age. She is fairly attractive, looks like she is in her late twenties, and has thick, dark brown hair and medium-colored skin. You probably wouldn’t notice her if she was walking down the street. However, it doesn’t really matter what she looks like, as she is simply the Surrogate for a baby that is a genetic combination of the soon-to-be Mom and Dad.

The Surrogate is currently living on the Lower West Side of Manhattan with her first child in a very nice apartment. She is not married, and does not really know anyone in New York, but she does want to stay here once the birth is over. The apartment is being paid for by the Couple. The Surrogate is well-cared for by a full-time staff person and there is always a doctor or nurse on call. She looks like she is approximately eight months pregnant, and is clearly much bigger than the Mom, who is simply playing pregnant.

By the way, the Mom was physically capable of bearing her own child, but she didn’t want to “ruin” her body. (Blind Gossip)

Who else could it bey bey? The only way for Beyonce to shut down this creole spiced ESCANDALOSONESS is to open up the Grammys in February by opening up her House of Pussiere as backup dancers dressed like slutty storks pull out the chosen golden child right before Jay-Z chews off the umbilical cord with his camel teeth. Beyonce announced the making of her golden child with a STUNT QUEEN move so she might as well announce the arrival of her golden child with another STUNT QUEEN move. It’s the only way to shut up the tea splashers.

But if these pillow baby rumors are true and not something created by out-of-work All My Children writers, then I need to ask why didn’t Beyonce ask Basement Baby to be her fetus oven? Basement Baby is in the family, doesn’t have anything else to do and could use the Christmas money. Now, Basement Baby has to give everyone ear muffs made out of basement moth balls for Christmas. DAMN, Beyonce. Always keeping Basement Baby in the basement.

Well, this certainly has been the most incredible pregnancy ever! Bellies growing and shrinking! Breasts swelling and flattening! Prosthetics flopping and popping!

Frankly, all this trickery is exhausting, and hasn’t been nearly as convincing as she hoped it would be. Therefore, Floppy will be keeping a low profile for the next month.

So, she’s not really pregnant, but there will be a baby soon. And Floppy has been very busy behind the scenes shaking that baby money tree! Some money is going out (payments to medical professionals who will swear that they were there for the birth), but much, much more money will be coming in.

She will be making money off of the fake story of the baby’s birth (which will be a C-section for Real Mommy but a “vaginal” delivery for Floppy). And more money off of the baby photos. And the story of how important it is to her that she “breast-feeds” her baby. And the story of how she lost the “baby weight”. And the photos of her “new” body (with no stretch marks!) achieved with grueling workouts and healthy eating. And more stories about how amazingly fast she got back into shape and got back to work. What an incredible woman! Hey, there’s serious money to be made off of this baby, and you can be sure that Floppy will “milk” it for all it’s worth. (Blind Gossip)

See above.

This star was reported to be carrying a lot of cash lately in public. We know where she got it- lots and lots of staged paparazzi setups. She’s getting paid to get her picture taken wherever she goes. (BuzzFoto)

What paparazzi agency is paying Lindsay Lohan thousands of dollars to pose in staged shoots? Don’t they know that if they took pictures of a malnourished, cracked out, shaved yellow-skinned alley cat and said it was Lindsay Lohan nobody would question it.

Which Oscar-winning actress caught her then-husband in the middle of a steamy gay encounter with his film’s young American co-star? The British couple separated soon after filming ended and divorced two years later. The couple has since remarried, but the young stud has never wed. Who are they? (National Enquirer via Blind Gossip)

Kenneth Branagh and Emma Thompson divorced in 1995 and they made Mucho Ado About Nothing in 1992-ish with Keanu Reeves. So that’s my guess. No wonder Keanu is always so sad. Bitch is a homewrecker and he’s never forgiven himself for it.

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