Unsuspecting Dallasites were sitting at lunch yesterday afternoon when the cup of sweet tea on their table started to quiver Jurassic Park-style from the quiet boom of impending doom coming its way. It wasn’t caused by a T-Rex’s stomps or from the vapid whore bitches of The A-List: Dallas sucking all the oxygen from the city by gathering together in one room for the reunion. WORSE! It was from the entire city dry heaving over the upcoming terrorization of THE KUNTRASHIANS! Board up your windows, hide all the black dick and hang all your cameras in the trees, because the Kuntrashians will wet hump any lens they come across.
The L.A. Times Lakers Blog reports that Khloe Kardashian’s husband Lamar Odom was traded from the Lakers to the Dallas Mavericks, because apparently they want to dump his $17 million salary and use that money to pick up Dwight Howard. And because they’re sick of the taste of bile that fills their mouths every time they stare at the piles of useless dumps sitting courtside for practically every game. Khloe already said that she’ll gallop after Lamar wherever he goes and wherever Khloe goes, so does E!’s cameras, the other Kuntrashians, a Dash store and her secret wookie pack who will NOM NOM on half of the city’s supply of small dogs. Khloe got on her Twatter shortly after Lamar’s trade was announced and said leaving L.A. is giving her the sads:
We are all sad but positive energy gets you farther then negative.
I have no doubt about it! I am excited 🙂 I know this is for a reason.
Isn’t there a team in Chernobyl Lamar could’ve been traded to? The Kuntrashians have already infected L.A. and NYC, and now those human herp warts are sprouting up in Dallas? I know everything is bigger in Texas, even the Karkrashians, but this isn’t right. Just image Khloe in a cowboy hat and splitting ear drums in half by putting a Texas twang on her slutty baby voice. Not only that, but think of the rodeo bulls. They already have it bad enough and now when Khloe struts into the rodeo, they’ll be left wondering why that big beast gets to sit in the stands while they get rode hard? GOD: There isn’t one.
And here’s the soon-to-be Sasquatch of Texas taking Mason out for his weekly photo-op.