BREAKING: Amazon Confuses Brad & Angie

December 12, 2011 / Posted by:

Soap, marital vows, eating nutrients and 99% of the colors on the color wheel are just a few of the things that confuse Brad Pitt and St. Angie Jo, and now you can add Amazon.com to that list. On a recent night down in the bowels of their chateau, Brad and Angie hunched over their desktop Gateway computer and poked at the keyboard while trying to figure out how to drag shit from their wish list to their cart and what is this doshgarnit 1-click ordering thingamajig? AMAZON.COM: How does it work?!

Angie tells USA Today (via SS) that she can survive in the real Amazon on nothing but the sweat drops of a monkey’s nutsack and a few leaves, but she just can’t with Amazon.com.

“I always Christmas shop early in case we have to travel somewhere. Brad and I were on Amazon.com for the first time a week ago. But we got lost. After an hour, we just shut it off. My brain is too scattered and the wires go in different directions. I’ll stick to catalogs.”

Let me sum up that entire quote for you in 3 words: BITCHES WERE STONED! Oh fucking well, I guess this year Maddox is going to get another clothing stamper from Lillian Vernon and finger beams from Oriental Trading Company.

And here’s a scene from the near future of Maddox playing dubstep for Brangie:

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