BREAKING: Amazon Confuses Brad & Angie
Soap, marital vows, eating nutrients and 99% of the colors on the color wheel are just a few of the things that confuse Brad Pitt and St. Angie Jo, and now you can add Amazon.com to that list. On a recent night down in the bowels of their chateau, Brad and Angie hunched over their desktop Gateway computer and poked at the keyboard while trying to figure out how to drag shit from their wish list to their cart and what is this doshgarnit 1-click ordering thingamajig? AMAZON.COM: How does it work?!
Angie tells USA Today (via SS) that she can survive in the real Amazon on nothing but the sweat drops of a monkey's nutsack and a few leaves, but she just can't with Amazon.com.
“I always Christmas shop early in case we have to travel somewhere. Brad and I were on Amazon.com for the first time a week ago. But we got lost. After an hour, we just shut it off. My brain is too scattered and the wires go in different directions. I’ll stick to catalogs.”
Let me sum up that entire quote for you in 3 words: BITCHES WERE STONED! Oh fucking well, I guess this year Maddox is going to get another clothing stamper from Lillian Vernon and finger beams from Oriental Trading Company.
And here's a scene from the near future of Maddox playing dubstep for Brangie:
Too stupid for amazon.com but that Junkie is able to write a script about the Bosnian war ? Jolie must be the biggest liar in the showbiz. I hope she and her loons drive the highway to hell !
Submitted by louise_brooks on Tue, 12/13/2011 - 12:36am.
LMAO She is like Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer. "I'm just a caveman. Your world frightens and confuses me! Sometimes the honking horns of your traffic make me want to get out of my BMW.. and run off into the hills, or wherever.. "
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Lol, this was *exactly* what I thought of the other day when I was watching a video on youtube of someone interviewing Michael Shannon about his role as General Zod. The guy doing the interview actually asked him, "have you even *seen* the original Superman?", as though Michael Shannon has been under a rock for the last 50 years & has just now decided to crawl out, & is "frightened & confused" by the "tiny people in the magic box".
Needless to say, Michael Shannon confirmed, to no one's surprise, that he had not only seen the original Superman but had even seen the sequel that actually features General Zod as a primary character. Celebrities: they're just like us!
Submitted by WTFOMGLOL on Tue, 12/13/2011 - 9:05am.
Okay cool. I didn't want to unknowingly offend everyone. :-)
Submitted by WTFOMGLOL on Tue, 12/13/2011 - 4:57am.
Huh??? I don't really understand what you are trying to say. I wasn't making fun of anyone (except the two dummies in the picture), if that is what came across
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I wasn't saying anything bad about you.
Just pointing out, that the comment you made, pretty much describes the mentality of Aspergers, that's all...
sorry about that, no offense meant.
Submitted by WTFOMGLOL on Tue, 12/13/2011 - 4:57am.
Huh??? I don't really understand what you are trying to say. I wasn't making fun of anyone (except the two dummies in the picture), if that is what came across
Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer was a Phil Hartman character on SNL in the 90's. He Looked like one of the geico cavemen, but with better hair. He would claim to be "just a caveman and your world frightens and confuses me", but then he'd be talking on a cellphone, talk about his vacation house in Martha's Vineyard or give a complicated legal argument.
Seriously? How incredibly stupid can you be?
Submitted by louise_brooks on Tue, 12/13/2011 - 12:36am.
LMAO She is like Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer. "I'm just a caveman. Your world frightens and confuses me! Sometimes the honking horns of your traffic make me want to get out of my BMW.. and run off into the hills, or wherever.. "
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you've just described Aspergers. in a nutshell. you know that, right ?
WTF??? How do they not know how to use Amazon.com? It's find and click! Not that hard! But, then again they probably have people that do that for them.
Submitted by beakers bitch on Mon, 12/12/2011 - 6:55pm.
Their kids are photographed all the time holding Xbox and other video games on their way out of their jet. So, either Angie Jo is nowhere near the kids while they're playing the games or using the computer, or she's full of shit. Acting like one of those aliens on Star Trek with her bobble head cocked to one side asking, "What is this 'television'?" Skeleton, please.
LMAO She is like Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer. "I'm just a caveman. Your world frightens and confuses me! Sometimes the honking horns of your traffic make me want to get out of my BMW.. and run off into the hills, or wherever.. "
Hw stupid must you be when amazon confuses you? I love that site. It's really very easy to navigate - you have a box where you type in what you want, and it gives you a choice of categories to look in, and when you select one, it gives you all the results. You even have product reviews and ratings so you won't buy something crappy. SIMPLE.
Do celebrities actually pull this crapola about not understanding the Web? Yeah, way to make yourself look like a mush brained Luddite.
I guess Brangelina think it makes them look deep and unaware of the material things of life, being such deep souls as they are. Blech.
Submitted by Zorba-the-Geek on Mon, 12/12/2011 - 4:35pm.
Oh yes! I remember that book! It was really wrenching...
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
Wow they truly are morons. I freaking love Amazon. It must suck to be so fucking stupid.
Submitted by Bjork You on Mon, 12/12/2011 - 4:42pm.
The best part about Facebook are the updates from George Takai.
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mr. ka told me one day he heard george on stern say that brad writes his twitters. i do love his twitter updates, so maybe fb is not hopeless to me after all.
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A baby's first words should not be: "DEATH DON'T TAKE ME NOW!!!" - MK
Submitted by Ms. Caligula on Mon, 12/12/2011 - 8:59pm.
I tend to compare it to the two big ones: "Cannibal Holocaust" & Gaspar Noe's "Irreversible". These two films are the two most disturbing films that I've ever seen.
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oh wow. i am so not into horror movies - i dont like all the blood and gore. i find it boring. but i am way into cannibals and i thought that film was ridiculous. except for the shit they did to animals. that shit was real and it was way fucked up. but you gotta seriously fuck me up in the head and shock the shit out of me for me to get creeped out by something. one scene i remember is the dismemberment scene in last king of scotland. that shocked me. maybe i just get shocked by the wrong shit? idk
i do love a movie that leaves me with the what the fucks so i'm taking notes as i read the comments.
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A baby's first words should not be: "DEATH DON'T TAKE ME NOW!!!" - MK
Wow you know you're a fucking idiot when you cannot figure out how Amazon works. You type what you want in the box and press search, it's not rocket science.
Submitted by Ms. Caligula on Mon, 12/12/2011 - 9:04pm.
I totally agree, on both posts! I was so disappointed by Human Centipede because it was kind of gross but nowhere near the "OMG I ALMOST BARFED" factor that I was hoping for, that everybody was saying was there. I want to be horrified, I want to be grossed out, I want to walk away thinking "what the hell did I just watch?" That's what I look for in horror movies!
I love findadeath too, I'm going back through some of the ones I read a long time ago just because it's so interesting to me. Part of it is my way of coping with death and part of it is the fact that celebrities always seem so unreachable..so invincible..until something happens. Even with Amy Winehouse, I should have expected her death and I definitely wasn't surprised to hear about it..but it was still kind of shocking in a way.
I also look at MyDeathSpace and that kind of gets to me. There was one post about a girl who wrapped her car around a tree while she was texting and the officer found her unfinished text when he showed up on the scene. I think stuff like that is actually GOOD for people to see. You hear about texting and driving all the time blah blah but it doesn't really hit home until you see a face with it.
On topic so people don't yell at me: Brad Pitt is definitely looking like a lesbian here. But Angie has slept with ladies before, so I guess it's all good by her? I wonder if they have this crazy sex life anymore with all those kids around.
I have no idea what shopping in the USA or France, or whatever country Brangelina is currently in, is like, but I do know, that it sucks to try to get something in regular shops. I think it's been like that since our country changed to Euro which was the beginning of the financial crisis (oh well, but we love the EU, don't we?) - so shops stock sensible since then - you don't get anything. So I basically am doing all my shopping online, via Amazon, now.
Not for groceries though, though I wish it were that way; I tried to get ground hazelnuts this saturday. So I drove to a shop, the streets were jammed. No hazelnuts. Okay, I had to get cash anyways, so I drove a bit further the streets were even more jammed, no hazelnuts, so I drove a lot further, a car crash in front of the shop, the street blocked (and yes, jammed) because a lorry was involved, went into the store, no hazelnuts. So I went into another store which was jammed with people and bought 4 packets of hazelnuts and swore myself to never leave the house on a saturday again.
Next thing, I needed a (paper) notebook, a simple one, but no pad, so I went to a store today, and thought by myself, that I could also use some good old washing agent (for wool) - the only thing I got was a bar of chocolate. And you really wonder why the chain is forced to close 600 of it's shops?
I can imagine that internet killed regular shops in the first place, but now they're killing themselves by not having the simplest things in stock.
(Then I went to the store next door, but all I got was a salad - so I went to work, my mother later drove me to my car which was parked at the uni (she swears she'll never drive me there again), then I drove through the jammed streets to a store which had notebooks in stock and then I drove to yet another store to buy groceries - goddammit, I don't have time for this shit!)
Amazon us really the most idiot-proof way to shop. In fact, I do 100% of my Christmas shopping this way. Standing in line at Wal-Mart? That's for suckers.
Oh...I get it...Angie us above technology.
http://smellmybutt.tumblr.com/
Callie:
That's a good point. OMG. Why DOESN'T Brangie have a Facebook or Twitter account? Not that I think everyone should, mind you. I have a FB but barely put anything on it and I have never Twittered. I find sites like this more tolerable .. AND online shopping.
I am watching Takeshi Miike's "Audition" tomorrow.
"Why We Crave Horror Movies""
http://drmarkwomack.com/pdfs/horrormovies.pdf
Submitted by Ms. Caligula on Mon, 12/12/2011 - 8:59pm.
I love "Baise-Moi," the novel, too.
Submitted by Bree on Mon, 12/12/2011 - 8:43pm.
Super, thanks for posting that.
I have a fascination with all things creepy. I like reading about peoples lives and manners of death, I like reading about serial killers and murders, and I like gory horror movies. Does that make me Charles Manson? Uh no. People who know right from wrong, have no mental deficits, and can separate reality from fiction aren't altered by reading or seeing those things. It satisfies my curiosity about death and I'm not crazy so I'm not going to go out and murder people. You'd be surprised how many empathetic, normal people who are mothers and executives and crap who have the same interests (just look at findadeath.Com) Not into it then that's fine, but curiosity about life and death is perfectly natural.
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I love findadeath.com. I have such a morbid fascination with that stuff. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I'm terrified of death, & reading about it & the different ways in which it occurs is kind of my way with dealing with it & getting close to it without actually experiencing it.
Wow! Didn't mean to start controversy with my "A Serbian Film" comment. And I guess I am a "sick puppy" cuz one of my problems with the film was that it didn't go far enough. I'm a big movie buff & I'm always up for a good exploitation and/or boundary-pushing film. Whenever I go into something as hyped to be some sort of "extreme" movie (like A Serbian Film has been) I tend to compare it to the two big ones: "Cannibal Holocaust" & Gaspar Noe's "Irreversible". These two films are the two most disturbing films that I've ever seen. Especially "Irreversible". I've never had such a visceral reaction to a film before. That film actually made me physically ill, which is part of what I believe it was supposed to do. "A Serbian Film" just didn't have the same effect. It was kind of a disjointed mess that looked like something someone had put together just for the sake of shock value (which was probably the case). There are plenty of films that have done similar things before, & better. And except for a few scenes, it wasn't even particularly gory. I guess I was expecting kind of a combination of "Inside" level gore (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0856288/) meets the graphic porn/violence combination of "Baise-moi" (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0249380/), & I got neither. Instead I got a kind of sloppy, half-hearted mess. I almost get the feeling that the filmmakers realized where their film was going & suddenly decided to puss out because they were afraid of what the backlash would be. Or, more likely, somebody had some good ideas for a really fucked up story with a nihilistic message & just did a really shitty job of putting it on paper & translating it to film.
So, I give it 5 outta 10, I guess.
Anyway, I just pictured in my head Brad Pitt in his goofy hipster glasses screaming "NEWBORN... PORN!" at the top of his lungs to a terrified Nick Manning-type porn actor who's trying to escape his dark lair, & I thought it was funny. That was the original point I was trying to make;)
Super, thanks for posting that.
I have a fascination with all things creepy. I like reading about peoples lives and manners of death, I like reading about serial killers and murders, and I like gory horror movies. Does that make me Charles Manson? Uh no. People who know right from wrong, have no mental deficits, and can separate reality from fiction aren't altered by reading or seeing those things. It satisfies my curiosity about death and I'm not crazy so I'm not going to go out and murder people. You'd be surprised how many empathetic, normal people who are mothers and executives and crap who have the same interests (just look at findadeath.Com) Not into it then that's fine, but curiosity about life and death is perfectly natural.
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you know what? no bitch, no. if my dad who just learned to navigate the internet 1 year ago can figure it out, without even typing mind you ( bless his heart) then you can do it. Either you're fucking with us or you are that dumb. I'm going with the latter for obvious reasons.
Submitted by Migraineuse on Mon, 12/12/2011 - 6:28pm.
Submitted by super martian r... on Mon, 12/12/2011 - 4:17pm.
It's not about personal preference. You're not watching that shit in a vacuum. These movies normalize child abuse, rape and murder and that affects all of us.
People who watch them think they're somehow immune to their influence. No one is immune. What we allow into our minds shapes us, for better or worse.
I used to watch horror movies as a kid without the slightest flinch. I thought I was so cool for being able to do that. What a hard-hearted little asshole I was, actually.
With maturity, my perspective has changed. Movies that glorify and normalize violence make me sick now. I have more empathy than I used to, even for a fictional character on a screen. I like to think that means I've learned something from life and am getting better at this business of being a human.
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Ah, I see. You're better than I am because we have different tastes in movies. Good for you. I know you won't respond back, you're probably out at a tupperware party or something. For the record, though, I don't think I am "cool" because I liked the movie. It affected me in a disturbing way and I found it very interesting because of the shock value, the amazing acting and the unusual and well-written story. I don't condone any activities from it in real life (since I am not a psycho) and stories of horrible things in real life make me sick and depressed. I can separate fiction from reality so no need to be so condescending, alright?
What, does she order her kids backpacks from L.L. Bean and gooseberry-colored sweaters from J. Crew and Land's End? Bitch, please. What catalogs is she ordering from?
Well aren't you just carrying around a big bag of nothing!
Submitted by beakers bitch on Mon, 12/12/2011 - 6:55pm.
Their kids are photographed all the time holding Xbox and other video games on their way out of their jet. So, either Angie Jo is nowhere near the kids while they're playing the games or using the computer, or she's full of shit. Acting like one of those aliens on Star Trek with her bobble head cocked to one side asking, "What is this 'television'?" Skeleton, please.
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LOL! "Skeleton, please" really needs to be a new tag for Angie, Posh and Leanne Rimes BS.
You know she reads EVERY article there is about her on the web. that is what
Narcissistic people like her do. I don't buy this whole act we don't know how to us AMAZON. You put the item in your bag and check out and pay.
Their kids are photographed all the time holding Xbox and other video games on their way out of their jet. So, either Angie Jo is nowhere near the kids while they're playing the games or using the computer, or she's full of shit. Acting like one of those aliens on Star Trek with her bobble head cocked to one side asking, "What is this 'television'?" Skeleton, please.
Amazon is sooo/ almost too easy to use. It was one of the easiest places to order from.
I'm kind of glad Angie and Brad pretend not to be Internet savvy. Can you imagine the stupid arrogant BS they'd tweet?
Submitted by Phoebe on Mon, 12/12/2011 - 4:01pm.
How does she get catalogs ? Do they have an actual address?
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they're probably referring to an ipad ap.... that Maddox put up for them............ and they can't figure it out because they can't let HIM see what they're ordering...........
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I guess it's best to end a relationship the same way you start it: absolutely fucking tanked. MK 6/11
I think they tried to buy some stuff from me on etsy but they couldn't get their Paypal to work. Are they from Canada?
http://burning-plastic.tumblr.com/
This Serbian movie film or whatever sounds like a real barrel of laughs.
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Never question Bruce Dickinson!
Submitted by super martian r... on Mon, 12/12/2011 - 4:17pm.
It's not about personal preference. You're not watching that shit in a vacuum. These movies normalize child abuse, rape and murder and that affects all of us.
People who watch them think they're somehow immune to their influence. No one is immune. What we allow into our minds shapes us, for better or worse.
I used to watch horror movies as a kid without the slightest flinch. I thought I was so cool for being able to do that. What a hard-hearted little asshole I was, actually.
With maturity, my perspective has changed. Movies that glorify and normalize violence make me sick now. I have more empathy than I used to, even for a fictional character on a screen. I like to think that means I've learned something from life and am getting better at this business of being a human.
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"This is so over the top the director must be a Sherpa." -- Who Datt
I have a love/hate relationship with Amazon. So easy to use, but tends to put small book and record shops out of business. I try to buy from mom n pop shops first and save Amazon for the hard to find stuff.
*sends Mike over to teach them a thing or two*
Submitted by Zorba-the-Geek on Mon, 12/12/2011 - 4:35pm.
Btw, I'm reading "What is the What?", an autobiographical novel of Achak Deng, one of the Lost Boys of Sudan, as interpreted by Dave Eggars-- a really compelling read about people surviving true atrocities.
Anyhoo, in the novel Achak does mention in very BRIEF passing, Angie Jolie. He and another Lost Boy meet up with some ambassadors and Jolie and tell their story to them.
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Sounds farfetched. Unless Jolie comes down with the flu, spends two weeks in a hotel room writing a screenplay called In The Land of Blood and..uh...Sand, or something, and it just happens to be the exact same story as the one the boys told her, and she makes millions off of it while they get squat, and everybody thinks she's a genius celebrity writer and director.
Oh, and if she eats nothing but air for the sake of the poor starving Sudanese children.
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"This is so over the top the director must be a Sherpa." -- Who Datt
Who are these trolls trying to fool? They have the hired help do all the shopping.
I'm best friends with a hippie who doesn't much care for the Internet and even he is capable of navigating Amazon. Or would at least sit there and try to figure it out. His mind is "free-thinking" and often forgetful due to the weed he smokes... but he still keeps up with technology. You don't need to be a computer wiz to operate Amazon by any means. Or even much more than literate.
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Bitch, please. She does love to seem naive or above the stupid and time-wasting web, doesn't she?
Sorry AJ, but being an internet illiterate is not cool and neither remotely edgy.
The only annoying thing on Amazon is the incredible amount of products you find with one search, and the "customers who bought this items also bought" that leads you to unthinkable shopping paths, in fact I always end up with at least 20 different tabs open on my browser...
Ps: what do rich people buy for Christmas on Amazon?
Does Amazon sell kids, mansions, Ferraris?
Submitted by Bree on Mon, 12/12/2011 - 3:26pm.
Submitted by Few Words on Mon, 12/12/2011 - 3:21pm.
that fire alarm squirrel orders from amazon.
the fuck wrong w/ these 2 stoner cokey retards
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You owe me a new keyboard and another diet coke, you asshole! :P
GONNA BUY ON AMAZON...ooooh so damn edgy of me.
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♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
Oh, so now we're supposed to believe that she allows a Christian religious celebration to be imposed on her precious third world adoptees
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Let us not forget that she's all about exploring each of her childrens culture. She wants them to understand the "customs" of their countries...blah blah blah ... So considering NONE of them were born in the US ( not sure if other countries/continents celebrate christmas like we do) not sure why she's yammering about CHRISTMAS gifts! She was probably trying to order and ship shit for Brad's family in MO.
Ziggy,
Borg.. as in Cyborg? -snerk-
Oh, so now we're supposed to believe that she allows a Christian religious celebration to be imposed on her precious third world adoptees?!? Where is her condemnation on the evils of organized religion? Oh wait, that will be a future media whoring event where she needs attention for a new movie. Since she has a movie to promote right now, she's all about Christmas, otherwise I'm sure it would be some arrogant commentary on how stifling Christmas and Christianity is and she won't force a religion on her precious brood. Blah blah blah.
As if she would do something as low brow as us commoners in ordering Christmas gifts off the internet anyway. Please.
Submitted by KA on Mon, 12/12/2011 - 4:28pm.
Submitted by ZiggyStardust on Mon, 12/12/2011 - 2:37pm.
you are the fucking Borg.
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resistance is futile, bitch.
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The best part about Facebook are the updates from George Takai.
looks like it's been a while since they had something hard anyway....
and wtf makes catalogs anymore...
bitch be trippin'
Submitted by Ms. Caligula on Mon, 12/12/2011 - 2:37pm.
I just watched that movie "A Serbian Film" a couple of nights ago & that's immediately what I thought of when I read "European porn director" written in your post & put it together with Angie's "epic" Bosnian war film. Now every time I see a picture of Brad Pitt I'm going to imagine him shouting "NEWBORN... PORN!!! NEWBORN!!!"
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Sicky puppy, you. I'm bypassing that film, the wiki description was enough for me. Fucking his son up the ass in the end... What a profound lump of exploitative crap. But I know, I should SEE it and all...
Bullshit. Angie's trying hard to offset the rumor that she's a blog junky. Reportedly she spends hours a day surfing the internet reading about herself.