Lindsay Lohan is still in Hawaii continuing her well-deserved vacation from her exhausting life (that line is best snorted with a straw made of sarcasm) and while she’s there she continued to prove that all the sea jasper dust she’s inhaled has completely eaten away her common sense cell. TMZ says that a completely sober LiLo went to a house party in Laie last night and left her $5,000 Chanel purse in the car. Well, it’s nice to see that the Lohans are still coming up with ways to show us that they are the opposite of smart.
When LiLo got back into the car after leaving the party, her purse was magically missing along with everything inside of it including her passport, some probation paperwork and a bunch of cash. (Insert antoinedodsonyouraresodumb.gif here) Just like the look of youth, Blohan’s passport keeps running away from her, because this is the second time it’s suddenly gone missing. The police are currently investigating this shit. TMZ also brings up the fact that LiLo has a probation hearing in L.A. on Wednesday and she could be throw in jail for contempt if she doesn’t show.
This whole mess of a story brings up a million questions. Why would THIS BITCH leave her passport and a stack of her Playboy money in an unattended car? Why wouldn’t THIS BITCH leave her passport at the place she’s staying and make Ali Lohan stand guard since that trick looks like a malnourished gargoyle? If THIS BITCH wants to extend her vacation why is she recycling a bullshit-covered excuse she’s already used?
I know, I know, the answer to all three of those questions is: BECAUSE SHE’S A LOHAN! I swear, it’s like LiLo got ass fucked by a black cat on top of a bed made of broken glass under a ladder. Unless……LiLo really is a mastermind scam artist and before she left for Hawaii, she took out travelers insurance on her friend “Chanel.”
In other LiLo news, Playboy has released a few quotes from their interview with her, and yes, delusion is still her best friend:
On how she’s following nature: “Sex and sexuality are a part of nature, and I go along with nature. I think Marilyn Monroe once said that. I certainly agree with her.”
On how flashing her flesh-colored nipple plates gives her confidence: “Knowing yourself and your body is so important because it gives you confidence, and in life, women need confidence. It’s a very male-dominated world to begin with, so knowing yourself and being comfortable with your body is an important thing for me as a woman.”
On her past fuck-ups: “Ultimately we are each responsible for ourselves and for our actions. Looking back, I probably would have listened to and taken more advice from the people whom I admire and would have followed through with it more. My stubbornness at 18 and 19 years old got in the way. During the past five years, I’ve learned that time flies faster than you think, and because you only live once you have to learn from your mistakes, live your dreams and be accountable.”
My response to all of LiLo’s answers is best expressed through this picture taken in Heaven’s library:
UPDATE: Aaaaaand LiLo’s purse is back. One of LiLo’s friends asked a shady-looking local if he knew where her purse was and he denied everything, but a few seconds later he showed up with the purse. Everything was in it except for $10,000 cash. Yes, ten thousand dollars cash. Something in the milk ain’t clean, but the milk is always dirty when it comes to this ho.
(MM picture via ONTD, thanks CC)