Open Post: Hosted By The Mayor Of San Juan's Extremely Classy Christmas Card
Look at that leopard eating an antelope on a family Christmas card! Nope. Chuck Testa.
I haven't even seen your Christmas card and I can guarantee your ass that it's not as fucked up as the mayor of San Juan, Puerto Rico's official Christmas postcard. (Note: If your Christmas card looks like this or this, that last sentence isn't for you.) Mayor Jorge Santini explained this Planet Earth mess of a Christmas card by saying he wanted to promote the San Juan Wildlife Museum. Um. This doesn't promote the Wildlife Museum, this promotes fresh foolery of the highest order. I don't know if that antelope has the look of sheer fear in its eyes because the feeling of hot death is on its neck or if it's just terrified of that little Rebecca Black on the left eating souls with her eyes. Seriously.
Nothing says the birth of Jesus like a leopard killing a fucking antelope as a little girl shoots terror into your being. And by the "birth of Jesus" I mean SANTO DIOS! Ayúdame!
And there's a major typo in that card. It should read: Que esta Navidad ilumine tu pesadillas!
via elnuevodia (Thanks Alexandra & Cristina)
• 
For Louise Brooks:
1915 concert poster from Zagreb, Croatia.
http://www.muo.hr/hr/zbirke/zbirke/zbirka-grafickog-dizajna/plakat-konce...
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"This is so over the top the director must be a Sherpa." -- Who Datt
Submitted by humans_off_earth_now on Sun, 12/11/2011 - 8:27am.
Bible: And the lion will hang out with the lamb, etc.
Modern interpretation: KILL KILL KILL
Jesus: Love your neighbor, don't be a dick, etc.
Modern interpretation: KILL KILL KILL
etc.
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I missed the part of the bible where Jesus said don't be a dick. Then again I didn't read a lot of it cause it burned my hand when I held it. ______________________________________________
McGill Class of '97
*swoon* at DWM... such a BITCH! by Jack-n-the-
crazy eyes.. they have them
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McGill Class of '97
*swoon* at DWM... such a BITCH! by Jack-n-the-
Is the gorilla part of the family?
he fits right in!
"NOSOPD -Not our sort of person darling"
Submitted by stinkbutt on Sun, 12/11/2011 - 5:03am.
What sort of awesome class did you take that you get to write essays about Pink Floyd?? I have to do a presentation about early 20th century European modern graphic design which is exactly as exciting as it sounds. :-\
Submitted by Bjork You on Sat, 12/10/2011 - 11:34pm.
I was just writing about those today. I have a relative who does them, updating everyone what her family has been doing all year on to one page. But I think those update letters will be a thing of the past with the advent of FB.
Noooooo!!! I look forward to the one my bat shit crazy cousin sends! Like I said, it's like a slow moving train wreck. She's put things in there like her dog dying, her 12 year old daughter's weight, when the daughter got her period, her irritable bowel syndrome, their "living below the poverty line", her son's love of musicals and magic (it will surprise no one when he comes out in his teens, which will be awesome because cousin claims to be uber Christian) and all sorts of crazy crap.
My FIL's new wife sends one out, too, and it's two pages in very small font about every single thing her family has done in the past year and then the last sentence is something like, "And Ken's family is good. The end."
The cheetah isnt't killing the antelope...they're just necking! LOL
What a horrible thing to put on a Christmas card!
That little girl is just... gross!
Bible: And the lion will hang out with the lamb, etc.
Modern interpretation: KILL KILL KILL
Jesus: Love your neighbor, don't be a dick, etc.
Modern interpretation: KILL KILL KILL
etc.
****
"End well: this isn't going to." - MK
Submitted by ImpertinentVixen on Sun, 12/11/2011 - 7:40am.
Hey, at least you finished. Good for you.
I can't run at all, on accounta my fucked up knees. But I can walk like a boss.
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"This is so over the top the director must be a Sherpa." -- Who Datt
Ah! I just realized this is an open post, so I'll ask a question that's been driving me nuts: There's an editor at VF called Punch Hutton (daughter/sister to actors Jim Hutton [RIP] and Timothy Hutton.) WHAT THE HELL IS HER REAL FIRST NAME? You can't tell me that people were naming innocent young girl babies "PUNCH" back in '71. It HAS to be a nickname. Siblings are Heidi and Tim, so don't tell me Mom and Dad made a sharp left turn at PUNCH. Anybody know her birth name?
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This episode brought to you by the letter SHUTUP.
WHAT THE...???
I'll turn away from the carnage for a moment to note that the little girl in the photo is ADORBS, but should NOT be wearing frickin' lipstick at her age.
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This episode brought to you by the letter SHUTUP.
On the fiiiirst day of Chriiiistmasss my truuuue lovee gave to meeeeeeeeeeeeee...
A cheetah ripping an antelope's throaaaaaat!
I cannot even deal with this.
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Visit Anthony Higgins Performances on Facebook.
Submitted by Chris Eccleston... on Sun, 12/11/2011 - 7:04am.
Running my first 5K today. Nervous as fuck!!!!
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Congrats and good for you! I've done several and my advice is to keep your normal pace, don't try to race people. Just do it for you. I started out all power running and ended up with side cramps and had to walk. Blurgh.
►◄ ►◄ ►◄ ►◄ ►◄ ►◄ ►◄ ►◄ ►◄ ►◄ ►◄ ►◄ ►◄ ►◄ ►◄
Visit Anthony Higgins Performances on Facebook.
Submitted by atlantapug on Sun, 12/11/2011 - 7:07am.
That deer died for your sinz! Tis the reason for the season! Or something like that.
Thanks, Migraineuse.
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My obsessive fascination is in your imagination.
Ummmm, my husband's brother sent us a Christmas card a few years back that showed his 7 year old crouching with a rifle over a dead, bloody deer carcass that he had just shot.
Not kidding.
I wish I saved that shit to show people.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like dead bleeding carcass!!!
Sandbitch, your av!! ROFLMAO!!! That's the funniest fucking thing I've ever seen and I'm sure most cats are like that! I know my little schizo pussy is!
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My obsessive fascination is in your imagination.
Good luck, Chris.
*______________________________________*
"This is so over the top the director must be a Sherpa." -- Who Datt
Running my first 5K today. Nervous as fuck!!!!
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My obsessive fascination is in your imagination.
Just had the most awesome night! Found out I'm a pretty big fucking deal....a legend round these parts.
b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b
"One does not simply walk into the Open Post. There is fuckery there that never sleeps..."-Sans Fards
I fucking hate finals!! AND I hate that I have a take home essays that I have to turn in before the final. AND I hate that we're going to have a in class essay on the final!!! Ughhhh
I will admit my take home essay wasn't the worst question I've ever had. I had to write about PINK FLOYD. I sure learned a lot about this band, they were and are fucking awesome. I'm sad Syd Barrett is gone though that mothah fucker was a goddam GENIUS.
Night Mickey, night Bjork night everyone else lurking!
The poster formerly known as Snow Owl formerly known as Night Owl!
And what's that huge buffalo beast doing in the background??
KHLOE!
This reminds me of a horrifying shop window I once saw in Samarkand.
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"This is so over the top the director must be a Sherpa." -- Who Datt
Night all...
Classy porn is boring, I like the true grit of the amateur stuff. It's real indie cinema.
Submitted by MickeyHolland on Sun, 12/11/2011 - 1:57am.
Submitted by Bjork You on Sun, 12/11/2011 - 1:38am.
In all honesty, I don't have such tabs. Mind you, that's not for lack of curiosity, but mainly because I fear that someone else might accidentally stumble upon my navigation history. For the the digitally impaired like me the net is restricted to mainstream sites only. The one time I strayed I accidentally invited some Russian criminals who had already shut down my firewall by the time my hubby found out they were in. That left me scared shitless without a diaper.
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Just hit the "Clear History" button. Or reset your web browser.
Submitted by Bjork You on Sun, 12/11/2011 - 1:19am.
Submitted by MickeyHolland on Sun, 12/11/2011 - 1:06am.
Will we be seeing you nakid under the mistletoe, Owl?
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You can find them on hamster x videos.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*++*++*+*+**+*++*+*+**+*+*++*+*+*+*+*+*+**+*+*+*++**+*+*+
Oh noooo. My nude work is classy. It's very artistic and sophisticated!
*sends photographer to arrange to invite models to play Ethel, and Fred Mertz for orgy involving me and model who plays Ricky for recreation of Nativity that will be posted on classy hardcore porn sites.
The poster formerly known as Snow Owl formerly known as Night Owl!
Submitted by Bjork You on Sun, 12/11/2011 - 1:38am.
In all honesty, I don't have such tabs. Mind you, that's not for lack of curiosity, but mainly because I fear that someone else might accidentally stumble upon my navigation history. For the the digitally impaired like me the net is restricted to mainstream sites only. The one time I strayed I accidentally invited some Russian criminals who had already shut down my firewall by the time my hubby found out they were in. That left me scared shitless without a diaper.
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*in a deep, manly voice*
"Like sands through the hourglass... so are the days of our lives."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m-wErh2qp2o&feature=related
Submitted by beakers bitch on Sun, 12/11/2011 - 1:49am.
Wow. What a....heartwarming Christmas scene. What kind of awkwardfamilyphotos meets Sarah Palin type shit is this?
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It warms my heart, it gently reminds me of why Christ died for all of our sins.
Yes, Mickey. I am planning on having a series of classy nude pictures taken. I will be "homaging" Lucille Ball. and I'm not even a redhead but I am wearing a wig and had somebody spray paint freckles ALL OVER my body! Even my bush was dyed!
One pic will be me stomping grapes. I love pictures that capture people in motion and I was stomping real grapes (I am a method actor). I was REALLY going for it! And if you know anything about me is that I've got big boobs so my left breast is hitting my forehead and the other was hitting my LEFT ARMPIT!
The other pic is me acting out the Vitameatavegamin commercial she was shooting. I even have some of the liquid from the bottle dripping down my right breast!
The last look we've done so far (we are shooting a couple more tomorrow) is the one where she sneaks on stage during Ricky Ricardo's performances dressed up as a cello. Theres a guy we got to play Ricky, and he's zipping down the cello and in there naked making a goofy surprised face.
I will make sure to send you one of each! And you better put them on display every year!
The poster formerly known as Snow Owl formerly known as Night Owl!
Wow. What a....heartwarming Christmas scene. What kind of awkwardfamilyphotos meets Sarah Palin type shit is this?
Dim the lights, smoke a joint, ease into the warm/hot bath...
Old Man Baby Porn where old men wear diapers and have pacifiers in their mouths and cry until their "nurse" changes them and suckles them.
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Aw hell, that just gave me a mental image of MacDonald Carey's old head on a baby body being nursed by Hope Brady.
Submitted by Bjork You on Sun, 12/11/2011 - 1:16am.
Ditto, baths are the best.
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They wash away the sins of the body and mind. At least for me they do.
Submitted by MickeyHolland on Sun, 12/11/2011 - 1:28am.
Submitted by Bjork You on Sun, 12/11/2011 - 1:19am.
Always helpful to have someone knowledgeable in da house. A sachet of Holland's finest (which I have never tasted by the way) should be delivered in your mailbox in 3,2,1 ...
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Don't act like you don't have your own porn tabs.
Old Man Baby Porn where old men wear diapers and have pacifiers in their mouths and cry until their "nurse" changes them and suckles them. I have seen such things and have lived to talk about it.
Submitted by Bjork You on Sun, 12/11/2011 - 1:19am.
Always helpful to have someone knowledgeable in da house. A sachet of Holland's finest (which I have never tasted by the way) should be delivered in your mailbox in 3,2,1 ...
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*in a deep, manly voice*
"Like sands through the hourglass... so are the days of our lives."
Submitted by MickeyHolland on Sun, 12/11/2011 - 1:06am.
Will we be seeing you nakid under the mistletoe, Owl?
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You can find them on hamster x videos.
Submitted by Spaz de la Whoreta on Sun, 12/11/2011 - 1:04am.
Submitted by KA on Sun, 12/11/2011 - 12:57am.
I hope you're already in your bath getting rid of that headache, but if you check in tomorrow, thank you.
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Ditto, baths are the best.
Will we be seeing you nakid under the mistletoe, Owl?
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*in a deep, manly voice*
"Like sands through the hourglass... so are the days of our lives."
Submitted by KA on Sun, 12/11/2011 - 12:57am.
I hope you're already in your bath getting rid of that headache, but if you check in tomorrow, thank you.
Lmao Mickey! I love your avie!
The poster formerly known as Snow Owl formerly known as Night Owl!
If any of my acquaintances sends me a nakid Xmas card I will have to do an Angelina and start cleansing "for the sake of the hungry children of this world".
*makes mental note to keep gorgeous male friends only*
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*in a deep, manly voice*
"Like sands through the hourglass... so are the days of our lives."
Submitted by Spaz de la Whoreta on Sun, 12/11/2011 - 12:44am.
i'm sorry to read of your loss. i wouldn't mind sending something religious to a funeral, even if it wasn't my own religion. it sounds like it was a thoughtful gift more than anything. i dont think twice when i get a religious card from a distant uncle of mine because i know he's religious and that's what this time of year is about for him. but fuckers that cringe at the mention of G-d and then send out the bs cards make me laugh.
i'm going to lie down in a very hot bath and see if i cant get rid of this headache. goodnight bitches!
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A baby's first words should not be: "DEATH DON'T TAKE ME NOW!!!" - MK
KA - hahaha!
This week the father of some people I know died, and when I called the local florist to order a peace lily, he remarked that he'd already sent several to the funeral home for the same guy. I asked him to recommend something else, since I don't like to send cut flowers, and he recommended a keepsake box. After he'd taken my credit card info and shit, he told me that the box played "Amazing Grace" and there was some religious verse on the cover which could be pulled out and replaced with a 5X7 photo. I'm not religious at all, but I thought fuckit, I don't want to have to start over. I figured if I got called out on it, I could say it didn't matter if I was an agnostic, since the deceased was a deacon in his church.
Submitted by KA on Sun, 12/11/2011 - 12:37am.
i could use the smoke right about now. i'm starting to get migraines again. nice to see you all.
...i love the ones i get from family members that i KNOW are not religious in the least, but somehow they always end up sending cards with like, a nativity scene and some thing about G-d giving the world his only son, or some shit. i know your story, fuckers. you're not fooling my ass.
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Hah, ha, yeah, but I like the cards that have glitter on them.
Gilitter is shiny.
Glitter is joy.
Some smoke your way for your migraine...
I am like Jesus tonight, all giving and shit.
i could use the smoke right about now. i'm starting to get migraines again. nice to see you all.
i saw the story about the naked xmas card and i guess i dont get it. i love doing holiday cards, but we don't do anything remotely xmas-y. i do the cards with my son's picture because most of my family lives out of town and they don't get to see him. i get the same from my cousins and such. but i love the ones i get from family members that i KNOW are not religious in the least, but somehow they always end up sending cards with like, a nativity scene and some thing about G-d giving the world his only son, or some shit. i know your story, fuckers. you're not fooling my ass.
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A baby's first words should not be: "DEATH DON'T TAKE ME NOW!!!" - MK
lol, the first one, a few years ago, was sort of an accident. They decided to make it a tradition, but last year, their local Kinko's refused to make the card and argued with the dad over whether something was a "you-know what" or a green piece of equipment on their boat. A Kinko's in San Francisco laughed at that and printed it. The parents have to bribe the boys (all the kids are boys) to do it naked, with gummy worms.
Tis the season to be jolly...