Angie Is Starving Herself For The Starving Children Of The World

December 8, 2011 / Posted by:

“Okay, we’re going inside this movie theater and your simple ass better not get me any buttered popcorn, because I’m not eating buttered popcorn until the starving children are eating buttered popcorn! Just get me a cup of the frozen tear cubes of a lonely spinster. I’ll take whatever brand they have.” is probably what St. Angie is saying to Brad Pitt above, because according to UsWeekly, she’s on a hunger strike. Grazia Magazine said a couple of weeks ago that Angie barely shoved 600 calories down her throat and it’s because she’s always so busy. But a source tells UsWeekly that’s not the reason why she’s got the body of a Castlevania skeleton warrior.

Just like your 12-year-old Emo daughter who considers Christina Ricci’s character in the Ice Storm as her spirit animal, Angie is trying to make a political statement by giving herself the perma hungries. The source says that she “puts herself on fasts to make statements for the children she visits. She says, ‘If they can’t eat, I can’t eat. [She] does different cleanses from around the world. It’s very dramatic, but that’s how she gets.” A different source says that Brad is worried and has taken her to doctors, but they all tell him that there’s nothing wrong with her.

This doesn’t really make any sense. Wouldn’t Angie want to be as healthy (I know, I know..) as possible so she has the strength to help the children and shit? And if she is starving herself for the children, wouldn’t she do it the old fashioned way by not fucking eating food? Cleanses don’t count. That’s cheating. Yeah, I’m sure the starving children of the world are only starving because their village’s juice bar only serves Master Cleanse water.

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