Courtney Stodden Brings Raggedy Stripper Glamour To An Outdoor Mall

Because Courtney Stodden’s whore master of a mother sold her to a has-been Hollywood actor at the age of 16, she never got to go to prom like other teenage amphibians. So the delicate lizard slut made up for lost times by buying a truly exquisite gown she found bundled into a ball at the bottom of a clearance box in the back of the Frederick’s of Hollywood Outlet at the Ontario Mills. Some might’ve dropped the dress after reading the line “Sold As Is (mysterious bodily fluid stains, etc…)” on the tag hanging off of it, but Courtney wasn’t going to let that stop her from bestowing a Classy Old Hollywood moment upon The Grove in L.A. Why do I have a sinking feeling in my colon that this is what Rosie O’Donnell’s wedding pictures are going to look like? Complete with awkward “kneeing in the pussy” pose and everything.

There’s a serious civil war going down on top of Courtney’s head. Courtney’s ashy real hair is trying to fight with her fake hair. One of Courtney’s tooth is also trying to emancipate itself from her mouth. And her toes are desperately trying to break free from the clutches of her elegant silver whore heels. There’s just a whole lot of uprising on Courtney. Courtney is truly the most gorgeous battlefield I’ve ever seen.

And here’s the latest gifts to alliteration from the head writer of Pugs with Courtney Stodden Tweets:

Secret Santa: Id love to lure you in by caressing my red lips up against your rosiness as my lustrous legs lie on top of your levitating lap

Had such an erotic afternoon after being elegantly bound with whips & chains for a brand new foxy photo shoot… XOs

Tenderly trembling my tantalizing tongue up – down – & all around the sugarcoated candy-cane of Christmas! XOs

I’m calling it now. The last one is my Christmas card. Stay away, bitches.