Prince Hot Ginge can no longer tiptoe into his grammy’s bed chambers in the middle of the night to sneak a few quid (I’m speakin’ British!) out of the pocketbook she clutches onto when she sleeps, because there’s not going to be anything in there anymore! The sport of extreme couponing is calling The Queen’s name, because her pay for being THE QUEEN!!! has been frozen until 2015 and she’ll only be given $50 million of taxpayers’ money to pay for travel expenses and palace upkeep. NPR says that Prince Charles will have to reach into his own pocket to pay for Princess (serious typo and it’s not moving) William and Duchess Catherine’s household staff. GOD (in the form of a sale at Tesco) SAVE THE QUEEN!
NPR reports that shit is getting so dire that the Queen is considering renting out rooms at St. James Palace during the Olympics next year. HA. St. James Palace is turning into a flophouse. Can’t you just imagine coming down the stairs late at night to drink tap water from the kitchen faucet and you see your landlady, Queen Elizabeth, sipping canned wine from Bargain Booze while knitting mittens out of her Corgis’ hair to sell on Etsy. Book me a room, now.
And before you go on and on about how Queen Elizabeth is nothing but a welfare leach, stop yourself. If England wants Queen Elizabeth to show up to stupid weddings and national events, they have to pay to play. Queen Elizabeth does not change out of her housecoat for her health. I mean, my abuelita refused to come out of her bedroom for my birthday party unless I promised her the corner piece of my sheet cake. #getmoneyqueen!
Or England can just fire Queen Elizabeth completely and replace her as the “Face of England” with Jodie Marsh, because that trick will work for bootleg HGH injections and a box of gently used condoms.