It’s Official: Madge Will Bring Her Thrusting Granny Poon To The Super Bowl

December 5, 2011 / Posted by:

After weeks of rumors, NBC officially announced yesterday that Animal Planet won’t be the only ones who will have a pussy spazzing out during their halftime show. Madge will pop her crotch and put censors on labia slip watch during the Super Bowl XLVI halftime show on Feb. 5 in Indianapolis. Prudish parents better have a good explanation ready for when their innocent snowflake asks, “Why is a charred firework snake sneaking out of that old lady’s bloomers?” While those parents look to the Witch of Endor section in the Bible for an explanation, you can read the full press release:

MADONNA, a multi Grammy Award-winning Universal Records recording artist, will perform in the BRIDGESTONE SUPER BOWL XLVI HALFTIME SHOW on NBC at Lucas Oil Stadium in Indianapolis on Sunday, February 5, the NFL and NBC announced during tonight’s Sunday Night Football game between the New Orleans Saints and Detroit Lions. Madonna’s performance will be imagined by CIRQUE DU SOLEIL and JAMIE KING. The Bridgestone Super Bowl halftime show is the most-watched musical event of the year. More than 162 million viewers in the U.S. watched last year’s show. The Super Bowl and halftime show will be broadcast worldwide. Madonna joins an esteemed list of recent halftime acts that includes The Black Eyed Peas, The Who, Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band, Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, Prince, the Rolling Stones, Paul McCartney and U2.

A world class entertainer, singer, songwriter, producer, director and video visionary, Madonna has sold more than 300 million records in the course of her three decade career as The Material Girl. She is a Rock & Roll Hall of Fame inductee. Her last tour was the most successful tour by a solo artist in history. Madonna is currently in the recording studio working on a new album scheduled to be released next year. Her new film W.E. which she directed, wrote and produced is opening in a limited one week release December 9 in Los Angeles and will open nationally on February 3, two days prior to Super Bowl XLVI. Madonna has partnered with a creative team from Cirque du Soleil, Jamie King, and multimedia artists from Moment Factory, to create a signature performance for the BRIDGESTONE SUPER BOWL XLVI HALFTIME SHOW. This year marks the fifth time Bridgestone Americas has sponsored the Super Bowl halftime show. The tire company’s new brand campaign, fittingly titled “Time to Perform,” will debut during the game. The BRIDGESTONE SUPER BOWL XLVI HALFTIME SHOW is an NFL NETWORK PRODUCTION and will be executive produced by RICKY KIRSHNER and directed by HAMISH HAMILTON.

Wait. Hold my dildo. This press release changes EVERYTHING. Thee Ja’mie King of Summer Heights High will imagine this show? Finally, the robot shit stain left on the Super Bowl from this year’s dreadful Black Eyed Peas show will be wiped away with Ja’mie’s signature hot moves:

And here’s Madge throwing a not-so-subtle TAKE THAT to stache waxers at the screening of her movie W.E. in NYC last night.

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