How Could You, RPattz?!

December 5, 2011 / Posted by:

The Daily Mail has a few pictures of unicorn tamer RPattz leaving the perfectly-named bar La Poubelle (translation: TRASH CAN) with a trick who doesn’t look like the part of her brain that operates her motor skills was eaten away by snorting actual bath salts. RPattz left the bar with actress Sarah Roemer (Disturbia, The Grudge 2) and the two got into the same car together. Hit the ESCANDALO alarm! When two Hollywood hos get into the same car together, it obviously means that he’s spreading his sparkly dick cheese all over her American biscuit. That’s the only explanation, because Hollywood bitches don’t carpool!

The literary journal of truth, The Daily Mail, said that after they left Trash Can Bar, they headed to SoHo House in West Hollywood with their friends. After that, RPattz got into Sarah’s car and they drove away together. Kristen Stewart was nowhere to be seen! RPattz probably kept Kristen Stewart busy at home by daring her to win a staring contest against a blinking strobe light. (SPOILER ALERT: She lost every round.)

I’m one of those cynical hos who believes that the studio pushed Kristen Stewart and RPattz together in real life to give the Twihards even more frenzied crotch seizures, but I don’t think he’d be this obvious about it. RPattz only has a few more months on his contract with Kristen and then’s free. This is obviously just one of those “boy dude having drinks with his lady friend” things. Or maybe RPattz is Kristen’s pussy wrangler and he just went out to find her some coochie while she tried to win that staring contest. Yeah, that’s probably it.

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