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December 3, 2011 / Posted by:

Jaws from Universal Studios Orlando’s Jaws ride!

Childhoods shriveled down into dehydrated chum yesterday when Universal Studios in Orlando announced that they are releasing the Jaws ride back into the wild on January 2nd after 21 years of scaring small stupid children who really believed that shit was a real shark. Universal Studios is bull dozing that bitch down to bring in an “exciting new attraction” (I’m thinking it’s going to be Doritos and Universal Studios presents Justin Bieber’s Transformers 3D Spectacular Sponsored by Mountain Dew). Universal let out this statement:

“Jaws has been an amazing attraction and an important part of our history. We know that Jaws holds a special place in the hearts of our guests. But we always have to look to the future and dedicate ourselves to providing new, innovative entertainment experiences for our guests.”

The effects on the Jaws ride were about as innovative as a Halloween sounds cassette tape and if I painted my asshole grey and blue, it would look more like a shark than fake Jaws did, but it will still be missed. Oh well, at least we still have Orlando Jaws’ twin brother who lives at Universal Studios Hollywood (please tell me the Jaws at Universal Studios Hollywood is still alive.)

via Orlando Sentinel

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