Mindy McCready’s Life Is Still A Mess

Former country singer and current mess Mindy McCready has been arrested five times and has tried to off herself numerous times including once while she was knocked up. Well, Mindy made heads shake once again yesterday when an Amber Alert was almost issued in Florida after she was accused of kidnapping her 5-year-old son Zander. Mindy’s mother has custody of Zander and she’s only allowed to visit him at her father’s house. But on Tuesday night, Mindy took Zander from her dad’s house which forced The Department of Children and Families to file a missing persons (Dale Bozzio does not approve) report. A few hours after the report was filed, Mindy issued a statement saying that Zander is with her in Nashville and she never snatched his ass.

“I am working with lawyers to try to get all this straightened out. I did not steal my child, as it would be impossible for me to kidnap what already belongs to me! There never was any missing persons report and never an Amber Alert.

The court system in Florida is tragically corrupt….. Maybe if I speak out and stand up for my child it will keep other parents from having to fight the same corruption to protect they’re children.”

Florida police spoke with Zander on Skype yesterday to make sure that she didn’t trade him for a meth hit. They gave Mindy until today to return Zander to her father’s house or they might throw her in jail again.

And because Mindy’s file with Child Protective Services isn’t thick enough, she’s done gone knocked up. Mindy told the NYDN that she’s pregnant with twins. The father is some music producer she’s been with for two years.

It really has been a shit week for fetuses. First we find out that Kourtney Kardashian is growing her klan’s newest kash kow and then we find out that Mindy McCready is carrying two future wards of the state. But I’m sure I’m just being melodramatic again. Mindy’s history has proven that she’s an upstanding citizen, loving mother, pillar of all communities and a stable individual, so I’m sure those twins’ childhoods will be nothing but teddy bear farts and rainbow hugs.

Remember that episode of Celebrity Rehab where that dumb bitch Mackenzie Phillips thought Mindy was faking a seizure and started laughing? I feel like Mackenzie whenever I read about Mindy. I start to laugh at Mindy’s crazy antics and as soon as shit gets real (see: pregnant with twins) I start screaming for the police.