Demi Moore Is Getting Herself Some Of This

December 1, 2011 / Posted by:

AssStain Kutcher is barebacking his way through the cream of Iowa’s whore crop, but Demi Moore is the one who’s winning the rebound game by getting glitter bombed every single night. What you’re looking at is not only what you get when you morph Donny Osmond, Eric McMormick and Sal from Mad Men together. This is also the gaydar-breaking beauty who is leaving a thin layer of juicy fruit nectar on Demi’s lips when he blows her an air kiss after each date.

Radar is trying to say that Demi has been dating beauty mogul (FYI: beauty moguls don’t only exist in soap operas and late-80s movies) Scott-Vincent Borba for about a week now. So when Demi tells her friends that Scott gave her a hot facial last night, she really means that he scrubbed her dead skin off with honeycomb bits and lavendar-scented sea salt. (Although, I wouldn’t be surprised if Scott-Vincent cums honeycomb bits and lavendar-scented sea salt.) Radar’s source had this to say about Demi’s new “romance“:

“Demi and Scott-Vincent started dating last week. They have known each other a long time and he’s really been there for her by her side through the whole Ashton thing. It’s easy for Scott-Vincent to keep his relationships a secret because he’s so often photographed hanging out with celebrity clientele. But he’s head over heels for Demi and there’s definitely potential for a lasting relationship between them.”

Getting with an immaculately groomed gaydonis whose sugar walls are sweeter than theirs didn’t work for Star Jones and Liza Minnelli, but that doesn’t mean it can’t work for Demi. I’ve always believed that somewhere over the rainbow, a cougar’s true soulmate awaits.

I, for one, am dripping with jealousy. Scott-Vincent’s eyebrows are so exquisitely beautiful that it’s a shame they don’t wiggle around like a tongue, because it would be nice to get some reciprocation when you make out with them. Not only that, but Demi gets to slip into a warm dream fantasy after Scott-Vincent serenades her with this at bedtime:

In case you haven’t already figured it out, that tingly sensation you’re feeling down below is just your b-hole winking at this video.

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