In 1994, two things happened: Mimi released the Christmas song that will be played in every single store from October to January for centuries to come, and a surrogate Canadian beaver gave birth to Usher’s daughter. Cut to 17 years later, those two things have come together to turn your eardrums into wet coal. The rotten eggnog of a video for Justin Bieber and Mimi’s remix of “All I Want For Christmas Is You” is pretty much just a shameless commercial for Macy’s and a public service announcement for why trying to hit high notes while going through puberty is not a good idea. I can practically hear Justin’s balls drop and pop up again with each note and that’s not right. That’s not Christmas.
Never mind that Mimi’s spreading some HO HO HO shit on the fake stone wall that your elementary school used in every holiday pageant, why does Justin look like the mom from Webster (or like a live mannequin in Talbots’ window)? The only thing that saves this shit is the PUPPY!!! at the end who temporarily distracts you from the bleak scene Mimi and The Lesbeaver are giving us. That end scene looks like a final days Mae West picking up boys at the local junior high school. WHY, MIMI, WHY? (answer: $$$)