The Kuntrashians Are Multiplying
Today, we are all Sigourney Weaver and this UsWeekly cover is the alien nest she discovers. They're spawning! The whorror never ends. Four weeks ago, Pimp Mama Kris gathered all of her precious whore loaches together and demanded that one of them deliver a smoke screen baby to distract everyone from the fact that they're all soul-fucking whores of the highest order. Pimp Mama Kris mostly stared at Kourtney Kardashian during this conversation since every time Lamar Odom mounts Khloe, the Wookie wail of ecstasy she lets out scares the neighborhood children and Bruce Jenner has to run into the room with a garden hose and a hot fireplace poker. So Kourtney it is!
Kourtney announced this morning that she's 9 weeks knocked up with her third child (Scott Is Dick being her first and Mason being her second). Yeah, Kourtney is saying 9 weeks, but I'm saying that the three kings of hell have plenty of time to get a present for the spawn that will keep the evil going since I'm sure she'll magically be a few weeks overdue. Here's Kourtney and Scott reading from the script Pimp Mama Kris gave them:
The E! reality star, 32, took a pregnancy test about five weeks ago -- and woke up Disick, 28 (not a morning person!), around 7.a.m. to tell him the positive results."Now I'm nine weeks along," Kardashian tells Us. "You're supposed to wait 12 weeks to tell people, but I feel confident."
"It wasn't like we weren't trying," Disick, 28, says. "We kind of just said, 'If it's meant to be, it'll be.'"
Kourtney also launched some stupid ass mommy blog on Monday. Koincidence! The Kuntrashian plague continues and there will be several more weeks of listening to Kourtney's warped cassette tape voice fart on and on about how she laughs every time the ultrasound tech blacks out American Horror Story-style when she gets a sonogram. I mean, where is a swarm of locusts when we really really really need them?
Here's Kourtney doing stupid shit in L.A. yesterday with Lady CaCa's sister Lady PeePee (You know Kim's crotch makes a Slushie every time she hears that name).
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Submitted by sweet_b on Wed, 11/30/2011 - 6:41pm.
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I dont believ one bit that the whore Cim wants kids, not yet anyway she just plays that nice card and like her fame is just a consequenz sorta thing.
I saw her when she said to that insuferable Jonathan she thought she gonna have kids by the age of 30 and he said that she is the HOTTEST star right now, wich filled me up with rage.
Cim, wants to be the sexsymbol and the good girl anthing to take away from the "men piss on me image". If she wanted kids she would of had em like she has anything else she wants.
Yeah but atleast like you said we agree on them being whores, we all agree.
I hope this is Humphries' baby. "Humphries' baby" has that Rosemary's baby ring to it too.
"It wasn't like we weren't trying," Disick, 28 - DICKSTICK, DO YOU MEAN YOU WERE TRYING TO BLOW A LOAD IN KIM'S SWAMPHOLE AND NOT "TRYING" TO ENTER KOURTNEY'S?? YES, WE NEED TWO MORE BRAINLESS WHORES IN A WORLD OF 7 BIL PPL. THANK YOU ASSHOLE.
Shit for brains. Fuck.
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"...To feel your pain, you feel mine
Go inside each others' minds
Just to see what we'd find
Look at shit through each others' eyes..."
-Eminem, "Beautiful" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lgT1AidzRWM&ob=av2e
From what I saw on the show she hates her boyfriend, who is an ass, they dont even sleep together. But since this is their only way of relevancy they will pop out another baby.
Hellraiser, I will attach the same disclaimer and state that I ALSO saw that episode...because it was on and my housemates wanted to watch it. (yeah, that's the ticket).
I remember that birth scene. That's one thing I'd like to forget. I can assure you, when/if I have kids, the fucking LAST thing I want in the delivery room is a camera. Hubs better keep that shit the fuck outta there and wait until the baby is cleaned up and I'm reasonably coherent to start snapping photos.
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Never question Bruce Dickinson!
Submitted by Allessandra on Wed, 11/30/2011 - 5:53pm
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Oh Kim wants kids or atleast that what she would say on her show....that by the time she was 30 she wanted to be married with 2 kids (a boy and a girl)....hence my comment b/c Kourtney already has a boy. And Kim IS jealous of Kourtney for having babies and Khloe for being married to a successful black athlete...all things that Kim wants. But then again maybe your right I don't l know and who gives a bitch anyway. That whole show is a farse to create this image that Kim is so in love with love and wants to be married and have babies and blah blah blah blah. When the truth is she just wants to be an overpaid talentless fame whore.
But aleast we can agree that Kourtney is a whore :)
Disclaimer: I solemnly swear that I AM NOT a regular viewer of E! and especially of whatever the hell the Kardashian show is called.
Having stated that for the record, I must admit to having caught the episode where Kourtney gave birth to Mason. Bitch didn't cry, didn't scream, didn't poop (which many new mommies do, I hear). She was totally chill, scooped down and pulled that little bebeh out of her vagina, and laid him on her tummy. I was and am still in awe of her mad birthin' skillz. And whatever amazing painkiller/sedative she was on. I am guessing Toradol with a Klonopin chaser.
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"When I come up, I rush, I rush for you..."
damn....Kim really is the smart one.....
just remember Kim, you are not meant to breed!
Submitted by sweet_b on Wed, 11/30/2011 - 3:26pm.
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But why would Kim be jealous of someone having kids?? if Kim wanted kids be sure she would have atleast one!
Many of the women I know dont want kids and sometimes petty women who ave kids, and its not fake either they mean it, plus getting preggers for a woman isnt exactly hard.
In hollywood it works the other way around anyway, when you are preggers, for atleast a while it takes away from the sex appeal. Im very confident that this is why Kim doesnt have kids.
Just read sites like Idontlikeyouinthatway, as soon as someone is preggers they are alot less interested.
So my point Kim is absolutely NOT jealous of Kourtneys kids, if she wanted to she would o had some of her own.
And Kourtney the whore OBVIOUSLY announces that for publicity, and Im not surprised if its a lie and then she will act like she lost the baby for sympathy.
Getting pregnant is not a skill set. How this chick could voluntarily get herself knocked up with Scott's child a second time just proves that everything this family does is for ratings and magazine covers.
Several months ago I was getting my hair done and the woman in the chair next to me was saying how she couldn't stand her husband and was seriously considering leaving him. She then proceeded to say how she thought about it and was going to wait until after she got pregnant with her second kid. That way, both of her kids would have the same baby daddy. Mind you, her husband apparently made a boatload of money. I'm sure he would have loved to have known he was the scoop of the day at the salon.
Damn, this family will say and do ANYTHING to stay in the famewhore spotlight. They're disgusting.
Who announces to anyone other than their family/close friends that they're 2 months pregnant?
Sincerely,
Alana Smithee
Out of all of them, this one is the worst. I can only listen to that nasally, Valley Girl voice for a few seconds before I want to blow my head off.
http://smellmybutt.tumblr.com/
I let out a "wookie wail of ecstacy" just reading that line. Brilliant' brilliant, brilliant from our gay Shakespeare gossip poet Micheal K.
Why isn't Michael K of www.dlisted.com more famous than these 3 famewhoring Godzillas already?
Respect bro!!
I can almost hear Khloe smacking her lips at the prospect of another placenta to chow down on.
I am still trying to get a grip on the Kim K husband from hell article / cover... believe me, it takes more than 72 days to earn the husband from hell title! It has taken me years to perfect!
the power of michael k compels you!
the power of michael k compels you!
Not for nothing but you Kim is PISSED about this....here she whining about being 31 and never being able to have kids or that fairy tale life that PMK promised her but now Kourtney who is one year older than her is on baby #2!!! I really really hope it's a girl...PLEASE let it be a girl and let her be really pretty so Kim can just DIE already.
And who wants to bet that PMK begged Kourtney to give Kim the baby (you know cuz her wittle feewings are hurt) and Kourtney would just carry the baby in secret....you know like what Solange is basically doing for Beyonce
I'm convinced the only reason she is still with Disick is to keep him quiet. He MUST have so much crap on her and the Kardashians and I bet he regularly threatens her with it. If she marries him he's up for half of her assets, on top of the blackmail payments.
She's trapped herself, the silly whore. Great innit?
Submitted by Hekki on Wed, 11/30/2011 - 9:25am.
Here's my theory about why Kourtney isn't married (besides the fact that PMK is "saving" her for someone better and forbids her to tie herself up with her babydaddy, even though having a second child will make her less tempting to any future husband, but whatever):
Demographics
The Kuntrashian characters are designed so that girls will be able to identify with them, much like the SATC characters.
They're not having success appealing to affluent women (who find them tacky), so they're appealing to a lower soci-economic demographic. There are many shiny things to look at and covet, and the girls don't have hifalutin' college degrees or actual careers, so young girls don't have to feel inferior. Kourtney's not married to HER babydaddy, and look how nicely her baby is dressed! They all live together in a big noisy jumble.
The Kuntrashians have more than they do, but they don't act any better than ghetto or trailer park dwellers!
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I agree, except for one thing - I think this pregnancy is fake and will be followed by a fake miscarriage.
Now I'm not SURE this is the case with them, but nothing says irresponsibility like having a kid when you're having relationship problems. There is little that irks me more when I hear on and on and on how unhappy a female acquaintance of mine is and how she needs to leave the marriage or the relationship only to discover weeks/months later, lo-and-behold, she's pregnant!
It's seems just a little unfair that you place the burden of fixing your marriage/relationship upon a child the second he pops out of the womb. Fuck you guys. And guess what? It doesn't work.
You need a licence to drive a car but anyone can have a baby. In this case the rules need to be changed.
Mommy blogs?! GAH! No one cares, mommies, no one fucking cares!
dp hard
The unpretty sister strikes again.
Submitted by TEE on Wed, 11/30/2011 - 11:19am.
LMAO at this headline:
http://www.starmagazine.com/news/pick-weeks-star-18
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OMG really, this is just revolting, how many stories about Kris do you have to come up with. Give it up BITCH, no one is buying it. You are a self absorbed, walking urinal, WHORE, who needs to just go the fuck away and suck it.
Everytime I see Khole I think back to that totally nonfaked lumbering yeti film of yesteryear.
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Visit Anthony Higgins Performances on Facebook.
What an idiot. She's in a very dysfunctional relationship. Does she think another baby will fix it? Or does she need another baby to keep her bed warm at night?
Submitted by babybunny on Wed, 11/30/2011 - 11:33am.
I really don't hate this one too much cause even though her voice makes me want to poke my eyeballs out, at least she kept her natural Armenian face.
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Considering what cosmetic surgery has done to Kim, Kris, and Bruce, I can easily see why neither Kourtney or Khloe for that matter didn't bother with dramatically scalping the Armenian off of their faces.
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What would Jesus do for a Klondike Bar?
http://chakrakahn.tumblr.com/
I want to know why Scarlett hates Blake, duh! But still, details pleeeeeze.
Little_Rascal perhaps they caught him getting a hummer from Rob, anyway nothing surprises me from this family anymore, even if they didnt spin this story, they've spun so many, i wouldnt believe them if they denied it. meh TEAM 007 guy who said they're fucking idiots.
her makeup artist looks like Taylor Swift. Even has the same derp face!
LMAO KRIS IS GAYYYYY. These bitches will say anything to get themselves sympathy. Really though, it's the beginning of the end. They're on the same trajectory as Kate Gosselin. Her show debuted with huge numbers right after she dumped the dude and now she's gone.
I'm waiting for the planned sex change from one of the following: Khloe, Bruce, Mason.
She still has sex with Scott? Ewww that is gross. When will Khloe have her cover of Animal Digest saying she's pregnant??
sad times when Taylor Momsen goes from sexy jailbait tv star to chubby Kardashian coattail rider. you'd think PMK wouldn't want her childrenbots hanging out with someone so rebellious...may give them ideas.
but then again, you need a brain to have ideas, so...
Submitted by TEE on Wed, 11/30/2011 - 11:19am.
LMAO at this headline:
http://www.starmagazine.com/news/pick-weeks-star-18
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Kim's bombshell : Khris is gay!
ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!
I can't stop laughing!
Submitted by TEE: "LMAO at this headline:
http://www.starmagazine.com/news/pick-weeks-star-18"
Good grief. Next week we'll find out that he roasts puppies alive on a stick. And after the divorce is finalized we'll hear about his secret Satanic orgies and Communist ties. Maybe a pedo scandal?
Submitted by loopygorilla: "...blake lively and scarlett both auditioned for Girl with a Dragon tattoo..."
For the character of Erika Berger, right? Right?
@ Snowpiece I was brushing my teeth this morning and the news was talking about them as i rolled my eyes and swooshed i heard the hubby say the tramp is accusing the idiot of being gay now, we started laughing. I also read somwhere (i think too fab) that PMK is going to be on DWTS next season, hey that was Gosselins final nail on her reality coffin so im just here waiting patiently for the Kardashians but I'm also a little scared of what reality whore will be spawned next...
Submitted by dementa on Wed, 11/30/2011 - 9:01am.
From Daniel Craig:
In a candid interview with the January issue of GQ magazine, the British actor branded the famous family as "f**king idiots," and RadarOnline.com has a preview of his no holds barred interview. The cutting comments came as 43-year-old Craig opened up for the first time about his marriage to fellow Brit, Rachel Weisz, who he secretly wed last June. "I think there's a lot to be said for keeping your own counsel," he told the monthly men's magazine. "It's not about being afraid to be public with your emotions or about who you are and what you stand for. But if you sell it off it's gone. You can't buy it back - you can't buy your privacy back. "'Ooh I want to be alone.' F*** you!" he said vehemently. "We've been in your living room. We were at your birth. You filmed it for us and showed us the placenta and now you want some privacy?" As an example of his disgust with celebrities who sell out so blatantly for fame, Craig name checked Kim Kardashian and her clan. "Look at the Kardashians, they're worth millions. I don't think they were that badly off to begin with but now look at them," he explained. "You see that and you think, 'What, you mean all I have to do is behave like a f***ing idiot on television and then you'll pay me millions?’ "I'm not judging it - well, I am obviously," the witty Brit concluded.
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Daniel Craig perfectly stated how I feel about these people. I hope the article gets repeated over and over all over the internet forever.
I think when celebrities start speaking out about their worthlessness, the Kuntrashians are in trouble. In a recent episode of American Horror Story, a potential buyer for the murder house was introduced. When the character made a point of saying, "I'm not Persian, I'm Armenian," I wondered if the writers were taking a little dig at these girls. If the guy wasn't sleazy enough, he later said something like, "my interactions with women involve only three things: sex, money, or making me sandwiches."
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 11/30/2011 - 10:55am.
Sweetas - last week on a jobsite, this week sick as a dog...
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Pfffffffft! I feel fine, thankyouverymuch! Arf!
In all seriousness, Jack, I hope you feel better. Why are you at work if you're sick? Is that woman you used to make me crack up about still there? The one with the after-lunch fart issues? Are you trying to infect her just because you can? LOL!
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
oh my GAWD tee! that's crazy, is there no where they won't stoop too?
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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK
"WE ARE THE TRIFECTA OF HATE ENTER THE TRIANGLE." Sucky 6/14/11
why is this news??? and why the fuck does this make headlines...every single freaking time I announced I was preggers before the three month marked I miscarried....it really is a dumb thing to do....but I really don't hate this one too much cause even though her voice makes me want to poke my eyeballs out, at least she kept her natural Armenian face. Her sig o is just too American Psycho for me....I am expecting him to go on a murdering rampage any day now. That is good news though cause he can kill off all these Whoretrashian skanks...but leave the babies cause they are innocent.
Submitted by little_rascal on Wed, 11/30/2011 - 10:52am.
Submitted by Anonymous101 on Wed, 11/30/2011 - 9:56am.
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I agree that they're AIMING for sympathy, but wouldn't it ultimately look suspicious that her 'pregnancy' and 'miscarriage' would come at a time when their publicity is going downhill fast? When it's pretty much a given that Kim's marriage is fake? Or would people still believe this sh!t? If so, I really weep for the future.
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"He had an okay body. Not fat at all. And naturally toned abs. She could pour a shot of tequila down his belly and slurp it out of his navel without getting splashed in the face." - A Shore Thing, by the
KIM K SECRET SEX TIPS REVEALED
golden showers for the holidays
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♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
Aw jacko that sucks, hope you feel better soon! *fluffs your boobie pillow and feeds you chicken soup*
OT *stomps a cockroach*
LMAO at this headline:
http://www.starmagazine.com/news/pick-weeks-star-18
Whoa nelly. Does she keep that s/he around to distract us from the fact that she's setting her babies up for a lifetime of heartache?
It's ALMOST working!
♥ Threadkilla!
"God gave you breath to waste. Waste your breath!"
Angelic, Bad Girls Club Season 7
Hot Youtube Vid Description: "have something dumb to say ? comment and see if i give a dam !" by KayyRosee1
*pictures Blech UnLively as Lisbeth*
*LOLS hysterically*
who is the fat one MK called Lady Pee Pee?
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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK
"WE ARE THE TRIFECTA OF HATE ENTER THE TRIANGLE." Sucky 6/14/11
Stupid to have another baby with this dickhead.
Stupid to announce before first trimester's over (11 weeks, minimum).
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This episode brought to you by the letter SHUTUP.
Submitted by But.Seriously.Folks on Wed, 11/30/2011 - 10:51am.
How do you stop these people? It's like that Mira Sorvino movie where giant roach like critters disguised themselves as almost human looking. Yeah, that is this.
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Hah! I just watched Mimic recently. I'd actually watch the episode of Keeping Up... where they all revert to their insect form.
Sweetas - last week on a jobsite, this week sick as a dog...
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"Dog, Jack drinks exclusively at the Braille Bar." EastEndGirl, 11/01/2011
Okay guys, I am out of here. I am going to pick up MY NEW CAR!!!!
I am getting a 2012 Volksagen Tiguan. See you all later!!! xoxoxoxo
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So may I introduce to you
The act you've known for all these years,
Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band