"I Swear That Last Fart Came From His Butt"
Jessica Simpson is at least into her 5th month of being knocked up (I think) and at this point you'd think that she'd only be able to get around on a manatee gurney carried by highly trained coastal conservationists. But nope! Chestica only needed help from her gold digging fiancé while walking the carpet at last night's Shoe Fetish Awards (aka The Footwear News Achievement Awards) in NYC. I can't believe I am about to type the following sentence in the year 2011 without Papa Joe holding his loaded dick to my head: Chestica looks good. Maybe I only think that because her pregnancy farts are so damn potent that they've turned into scented pixels and have seeped through my monitor causing me to hallucinate. Let's go with that.
My only complaint is that Jessica's shoes don't match her dress. Oh, well. Chestica can't even see her shoes due to the triple mounds o'plenty blocking her view, so I'll let that shit slide this time. Seriously, though, I think Jessica's carrying Beyonce's baby in her tits.
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Oh please. This bitch is still a fucking idiot. She got on the mic at this event and told everyone she "had to urinate real bad right now" fucking seriously, bitch?
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
Ya know, I can't hate on her. She looks really happy and even though she's not the brightest, I'm sure she's going to be a great mother.
People always be hating on JSimp, but that just seems to endear her to me even more. I think she looks super cute here with her babeh belleh. Although I don't know how she's walking in those heels.
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Devil's advocate.
I find this broad so much more annoying after finding out she's knocked up with some random guy's baby. (I know he has a name, but still.)
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"Submitted by suckandfuck on Fri, 04/16/2010 - 5:46pm.
I would slaughter a thousand babies for an hour alone with Mike Rowe."
I don't like her, NOR that June Carter Cash hair But she looks great in the bodies. Which is weird, because she normally looks like shit when she is NOT pregnant.
And *sigh* he is going to take her for everything she has and sell his story to tabloids. Trust.
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I can't judge... the cheese biscuits at Red Lobster make me wanna touch myself
--Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Fri, 11/04/2011 - 9:41am.
beyonce take note.. this is what preg looks like.. and don't give me that every woman is diff looking when preg..
beyonce is boned like a house.. no way she wouldnt be a hippo if she is due in dec..
She looks happy and he obviously went to the Guy Richie School and graduated with High Distinction in his class, How to score a Rich girl and knock her up.
He must have been inspired after hearing from special guest speaker K-Fed.
Im gay but I would probably knock up Jessica Simpson, that bitch has a $1 billion fashion empire... IMAGINE ALL THE SHOES and ACCESSORIES.... GURRRRLLLL I'll hook you up...mmmmkay
Jessica isn't due for another 4 1/2 months....she's looks full term now, going to be HUGE!!!!!!!!
She's the less annoying of the Simpson sisters, I'll give her that. Pregnancy suits her well, like Nicole Richie.
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Never question Bruce Dickinson!
She looks beautiful. As for pregnancy farts, I miss them *sigh*. Sometimes when I was pregnant, I would let out a sheet-ripper while eating lunch at the park as people walked by, and when they looked at me I would blame it on them.
For Jessica Simpleton, this is very tasteful attire.
She could lose a good foot off those stringy horsehair extensions, though.
I miss her duck mouth...
http://www.cirugiasdeestrellas.com/2010/11/labios-con-colageno-de-jessic...
aaahhhhhhhh, it's cute. She looks almost like Britney if Britney blew up like Xtina!
I feel for her. I am normally a fairly small person in weight and average height 5'7. My tits were like freaking basketballs toward the end of my pregnancy. I do have implants of modest size but I *do not * recommend getting implants until after you are done having kids. They cause a lot of problems.
POOOHTEEEE!
urmomma: Eh, I think most people here either somewhat like Jessica or find her inoffensive.
I have grown fond of her, myself.
And I think she looks pregnant and very very pretty.
Note to Beyonce: THIS look is what your Fake Team should be shooting for. Of course it's probably a bunch of gay guys who don't know anything about pregnancy anatomy, so you might want to hire a pregnancy consultant.
Submitted by Athina on Wed, 11/30/2011 - 2:33pm.
I envy women who actually "look" pregnant when they're pregnant. I am in my 8th month, and very few people tell me I look pregnant. Hell, most people at work didn't know until I told them a few weeks ago. The only way I look pregnant is to wear a really tight top and stick out my stomach.
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Some just carry more in than out, nothing wrong with that. Those of us with bellies that stuck out far enough to look like we were carrying triplets envy women like you, I assure you.
there's a sexual napalm joke in there somewhere too
the power of michael k compels you!
the power of michael k compels you!
I think she's more like 7months pregnant
she's pregnant? she's barely showing...
the power of michael k compels you!
the power of michael k compels you!
She actually looks pregnant. Take note Beyonce.
Not sure if she's announced the sex of the baby yet, but I predict a boy.
And she does look radiant. I agree with some of the other comments that over time, she has held up better than Britney and Christina in the looks deptartment. She might play for team chunk, but she is very pretty, and let's face it, Britney and Christina both play for for team chunk now too so it's a brand new ball game.
I really hope she's happy and this dude doesn't turn out to be another Kris Humphries. Who is this guy, again? Is he an athlete?
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"I have a very poor way of concealing my dislike of people and/or things." -- Evil_Cupcake's Mom
If she were wearing a purple dress, she would look like Violet Beauregarde from Willy Wonka. On the other hand, it's good she's not starving her baby.
I get the gas just lookin' at Jessica.
I still like her. Yes, I know I am pretty much alone.
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The difficult brown?! I think we're all done here. -MK
she looks very happy, and that's all that should matter. but, I have to say her boobs are growing at the same rate of her belly.... she could smother that kid if she breastfeeds..... ahahahahah!!
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I guess it's best to end a relationship the same way you start it: absolutely fucking tanked. MK 6/11
Remember when everyone pitied Jessica after her sister's career took off + her marriage failed and Ashlee was the one who had the happy marriage and the baby and everyone thought that she would end up a 'lonely spinster'? Seems like she got it together after all and her sister is now the one without a marriage AND a career.
♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬
Rrridiaouw woo oo rrri-ou!
She looks awful imo especially that do. Hate that color.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 11/30/2011 - 2:29pm.
IF - my avie is me just days before popping out Little P
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That was very dangerous of you to have a bird around like that. They carry all kinds of communicable diseases.
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McGill Class of '97
*swoon* at DWM... such a BITCH! by Jack-n-the-
She's what I look like now cept I haven't been pregnant since 2004.
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www.dungeonhordes.com
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Well, she's "selling" those shoes also. I'm sure they are her brand.
She looks glowing. People often say that about pregnant women, I usually don't see it, but she does look like she has that pregnancy glow. That dress should be longer though, just below the knee.
I actually own a JS handbag, and I have to say that that's the best quality bag I've ever had- 3 years old, used a lot and no damage or signs of wear to it whatsoever.
I didn't know there was DNA in my ass!
Athina- do you have a long torso? Most women I know with long torsos don't really show as much. The baby and uterus have so much "UP" room to grow that outwards isn't nearly as large as small torso women.
Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 11/30/2011 - 2:09pm.
What is wrong with a pregnant woman dressing up and wearing heels to an event, that they will most likely spend the majority of the night sitting down?
well, coming from a person who (prior to having kids) wore 5 inch heels EVERYWHERE, it just seems like a silly risk to incur, tripping and falling on those heels, to look "hot". it's just weird. but as you said, she probably had to stand there for about 60 seconds and then had her security team carry her off to wherever, so no big deal.
I will if you will, Fishy!
Let's make everyone call us names and vomit and stuff...
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Dark-sided!
Beyonce needs to take a lesson from Jessica. This is what a pregnant body looks like. Although I don't see how she can be that big and still safely or comfortable wear shoes like that. I never could when I was pregnant.
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"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK
Hit refresh IF!
Submitted by Spoiled on Wed, 11/30/2011 - 2:17pm.
I'm not really a Jessica Simpson fan, but to me, it doesn't look like she's had any surgery. She still has the same face as when she first came out. And I think she looks better than Britney or Christina.
I used to hate her for being so phoney with all the virgin bs, but whatever. She doesn't bother me anymore.
Submitted by BaconSlut on Wed, 11/30/2011 - 1:57pm.
Can someone please explain to me how it is even possible for these whorz to totter about pregnant in six inch fuck me pumps?
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When you're in heels all the time, it's no biggie. I made the mistake of showing up to my OB appointment wearing 4-5 inch heels and 6 months pregnant. My OB proceeded to give me a well deserved verbal smackdown, and I stopped with the heels until well after baby was born. Looking back, I probably looked fucking ridiculous anyway.
wow, M.E. you were certainly....glowing....greenish...!
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Dark-sided!
I envy women who actually "look" pregnant when they're pregnant. I am in my 8th month, and very few people tell me I look pregnant. Hell, most people at work didn't know until I told them a few weeks ago. The only way I look pregnant is to wear a really tight top and stick out my stomach. I've gained a total of 20 pounds so far, and doc says that everything is a-ok so far.
Submitted by IrishFury on Wed, 11/30/2011 - 2:17pm.
I dare any ya'lls to post preggo pics of yourselves. I was huge!!!
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Uh oh! Be careful what you wish for! lol
;)
She doesn't bother me as much as her no-talent sister or loser father.
The boyfriend does nothing for me but he's riding her all the way to the bank and she doesn't seem to care as long as she has a boyfriend by her side.
Why doesn't she hook up with George Clooney - she loves to fart and he loves to hear them.
I hate that Southern Loretta Lynn hairstyle. Reminds me of a horses's mane.
She just grosses me out.
Why is she famous again?
Oh yeah, she has a male version of Kris K. Her pimp daddy gives me the Sandusky vibe.
She does look healthy but......the dress?
IF - my avie is me just days before popping out Little P
I didn't realize we had so many OB-GYNs on this board. Every woman carries differently. Even women who have previously been pregnant can look different during subsequent pregnancies. Maybe she's having twins. Maybe she can't lay off the Ho-Hos. I just don't see what she could gain by saying she's less pregnant than she is, unless there was some sort of paternity issue (i.e. she didn't sleep with this guy until such-and-such a date).
Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 11/30/2011 - 2:05pm.
Grossed out yet?
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Ya, not exactly attractive qualities but I just see that as being dopey as much as anything.
Maybe Jessica wants to be on pregnant in heels!
http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/Pregnant-In-Heels/1325839
Submitted by MickeyHolland on Wed, 11/30/2011 - 2:11pm.
@fishsticksfan
Finally someone acknowledges my inhumane suffering. Thank you.
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<3