Ali Lohan, the future face of fashion and the frontrunner for the role of Jen if there’s ever a Dark Crystal remake, is on the cover of Page Six Magazine for reasons that lie on the cum-covered Kleenex that got tossed into Rupert Murdoch’s trash can after White Oprah paid him a visit. Page Six asked Ali about her facial transformation into a Ren Faire Goddess Bunny and she answered it the only way a Lohan can:
On the rumor that she Kardashian-ized her face: “I was cracking up. Because, like, when would I do that? I’m 17 years old. That’s not legal! I would need my mother’s signature, and do you think my mom would ever sign off on that? No!”
On drugs: “I just say no. I’m lucky enough that I had my sister to learn from. I’ve seen people do it to her, so I’ve learned to be like, ‘That’s stupid, no.’ I admire how strong she is. That’s why Lindsay and me are so close, because we’re able to talk about those things together.”
Oh, Ali, bless you and your Paul Pfeiffer in drag-looking ass. White Oprah would sign off on the sale of Ali Lohan to Doug Hutchison for a bottle of Popov and an unused prescription pad, so signing off on plastic surgery is nothing to her. I’m sure the Lohan family plastic surgeon already has her signed permission on file just in case the coke numbs take over her signing hand and she can’t operate a pen. And the only thing LiLo has taught Ali is how to lie, cheat, steal and snort with the best of them. I swear. We already know this, but this interview has confirmed that being delusional does not skip a generation.