Meet Arlene Mossa Corona, a chick from La Jolla, CA who has resorted to good old-fashioned HO SHIT to get back her lost chihuahua Chispeta. Arlene skipped Thanksgiving this year to run around the streets in a two piece while holding up a sign asking for the safe return of the precious fur baby she likes to dress up as a fucked up ballerina. Why do I have a feeling that Chispeta is watching this news segment while barking to her captors, “See the shit I have to deal with.”
As some of your asses know, I have a chihuahua (Stereotype = Me, I know) and if he went missing I don’t know if he’d appreciate me begging for his return while wearing purple bikini bottoms and red shoes. Mostly because: a) he thinks wearing purple and red together is some tacky shit and b) he’s seen me in my chonies and he cares about the public too much to put them through that kind of painful trauma. But I have to hand it to Arlene for doing what she’s gotta do to get back Chispeta. Arlene is STARVING TO DEATH, FREEZING HER NIPPLES OFF and even has to deal with Pervert McNasties driving up next to her in their mid-sized sedans to say, “I’ve got your dog right here, girlie.” Actually, since I put it that way….
Arlene, you’re too innocent for the hard streets of La Jolla (aka the most affluent community in Southern California)! Leave that color blind ensemble on your front porch and I’ll do BRING BACK CHISPETA bikini duty for you this weekend. I’ll get Chispeta back for you, one sloppy handy in a mid-sized sedan at a time.