Seen here locking out Kim Kardashian’s check cashing cooch until Pimp Mama Kris finds a suitable (read: dumb, rich, famous and with a bladder that’s always ready to party) suitor for her to suck the life out of, the KKK are on January’s cover of Glamour (just read that as “Glum Whore” and it’ll make more sense) Magazine and are giving their first interview since they pulled a giant scam on everyone. The already annoying interview turned into an annoying dry queef fest about how Kim’s dream of becoming a mom at 30 is officially dead and it’s only a matter of time before Pimp Mama Kris closes a deal with E! for a 16 hour-long “Kim & Her Uterus Say Goodbye To Each Other FOREVER” special. After Kim covered the permanently-attached silicone alien mask on her face with a “WOE IZ ME” mask, the KKK got deep:
Kim: …I think I’ll always be a hopeless romantic.
GLAMOUR: What do you mean by that?
Kim: It means that I believe in love and the dream of having a perfect relationship, but my idea of it has changed. I think I need to not live in a fairy tale like that. I think I maybe need to just snap out of it and be a little more realistic.
Khloé: I love Kim’s belief in love and the fact that she feels so strongly about it. She has that dream every girl has.
Kim: Well, I don’t think I have it right now.
Khloé: Which is fine, but I’m your sister and I know why you don’t have it right now. But I know you will get it again.
Kim: I hope I do. But by then I hope maybe I’m a little bit more realistic.
GLAMOUR: Realistic about what?
Kim: The fact that what I want isn’t possible.
Khloé: What, a guy on a white horse coming to get you? That doesn’t happen!
Kim: I don’t know. I always wanted what Mom and Dad had. And at first I was like, I want six kids. Then I went down to four, then I was down to three.and now I’m like, maybe I won’t have any. Maybe I’ll just be a good aunt.
Khloé: But Mom and Dad got a divorce, and she met Bruce. And you were a child; you don’t know what Mom and Dad had. As an outsider looking in, it probably looked like paradise.
Kim: At this moment in my life, I feel like maybe I’m not supposed to have kids and all that.
Khloé: Oh my God. Don’t be dramatic all of a sudden!
Kim: That’s how I feel. Maybe my fairy tale has a different ending than I dreamed it would. But that’s OK.
Before Pimp Mama Kris ran that interview through the fake machine, it really read like this:
Kim: …..I think I’ll always be a hopeless famewhore.
GLAMOUR: What do you mean by that?
Kim: It means that I believe in whoring myself out for fame at any cost and dreaming of having permanent relevancy, but the game has changed. I think I need to be choosier about the fake husbands I cast. Did you see the first episode of Kourtney & Kim Take New York? Of course you did. Over 3 million stupid fucks did. Cha-ching, beyotches! You saw how Kris farted in my sister’s face on camera. He farted on my sister on camera! I know Kris was my stage husband, but he signed a contract in blood stating that I’m the only one he’s supposed to perform a bodily function on in front of the cameras. I was humiliated! How can I have a publicity stunt baby with a monster who farts on my sister? That’s cheating!
Khloé: Wookie like eating baby. Wookie like eating baby.
Kim: Um. Anyway, back to me. I don’t have that dream anymore.
Khloé: But Wookie want baby to NOM NOM on.
Kim: No, you dumb dumb! I’m still going to have a baby, but I’m going to be a little bit more materialistic about it and I don’t need a fake husband to do it.
GLAMOUR: Materialistic how?
Kim: Everybody is having a baby with their husbands. That’s been done, is boring and only gets you a maximum of 3 People Magazine covers. That’s why I’m going to get knocked up and won’t tell anybody who the father is. The evil scientists at E! are making a fetus out of my old face and all the used condoms I stole from Reggie Bush’s trash can as we speak. Think of all the magazine covers, specials and endorsement deals with Indentigene! There’ll be a “Who Shot A Load In Kim’s Pussy?” special and covers of Life & Style will be flying out of my twat like black dick does. You stupid Americans will eat it up and I’ll be more rich and more famous than ever. I’m so glad dad sold my soul to the devil to get O.J. off. No morals equals more money! Cha-ching!
Khloé: Wookie happy about having baby to nibble nibble.
Kim: Wait! How did you sneak into the middle again? Get back, beast! Back! I’m the Chynna! You’re the Carnie! To the side where you belong.