Anne Hathaway Is Engaged To Some Dude Who Hopefully Isn’t A Con Man

November 28, 2011 / Posted by:

Anne Hathaway just won’t let those “Anne Hathaway is a big ole’ lez” rumors be great, because she is now wearing a promise to get hitched ring given to her by a dude who looks like Alice the Goon in disguise as Ryan Gosling. Anne’s rep confirms to People that her 30-year-old boyfriend of 3 years Adam Shulman got down on one knee, gazed deeply into her TEEFS (since there’s really nowhere else for your eyes to go) and asked her to marry his ass. Her rep also said that Adam, who is an actor/jooree designer (HA!), helped to design her engagement ring (click here to see it if you care).

Anne and Adam started bumping teeth three years ago right after she broke up with the Italian fiancé who claimed to be the CEO of the Vatican in order to swindle investors out of millions of dollars. Anne pretty much only started dating Adam so he could hump the memory of Raffy from her brain, but then she fell in love or something. Anne said this about Adam a few months ago, “I am very much in love with him, [only] Adam totally ruined my plan. I was really actually looking forward to a little alone time, and then I fell in love like a fool!”

You know, Anne’s bright white Chiclets are looking extra swole in that picture, which could only mean one thing: the ho is knocked up! (Just go with me on this, you’ll thank me later). This means that Anne is in no condition to finishing shooting that Batman shit, which means her role will have to be completely reshot, which means Julie Newmar will have to be brought in since she knows the role. We’ve been saved from Anne’s Catwoman! Our nightmare is over. We can thank Adam for that. Adam may look like a creeper whose eyes are so beady from squinting through a tiny hole in a public bathroom to watch ladies pee, but he’s our savior!

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