And Now, You May Eat The Bride's Face Off
No, this is not another video of a porcupine sucking on corn kernels. This is a preview from TLC's new special Virgin Diaries, which features two virgins, who have never kissed before, kiss for the first time on their wedding day. NOTE TO CHILDREN EVERYWHERE: THIS IS WHY YOU SHOULD MAKE OUT BEFORE YOUR WEDDING DAY! Do you want to look like a mama bird barfing up her entails into her baby bird's beak hole? Do you want to look like you've only practiced kissing on a cat anus? Do you want to look like Jennifer Aniston making out with the hand she painted a groom face and a bow tie on?
When somebody kisses me like a guppy giving a tongue bath to a hermit crab, I quickly switch my face lips with my ass lips by doing a handstand, because maybe they'll have better luck with that.
You know, we can joke all we want, but these two bitches found love and we're all FOREVERALOOOOONE!
via ONTD (Thanks Marion & Beth)
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This is an ankle cheap uggs that has pebbled bomber leather uppers and an extremely stylish appeal that can be worn almost any place. Your feet are free from moisture by the Bamboo Twill sock liner. There is a heat engraved UGG logo on the heel counter that proves that it an UGG boot. More men are beginning to see that bailey button boots is a wonderful footwear selection for them just like women. The sophisticated Herrick will probably be very popular.
Submitted by SpiceDong on Mon, 11/28/2011 - 6:46pm.
Team Test Drive.
all the people I know who waited till marriage, or only dated their spouse (and no one else) are now unhappily married or happily divorced.
I've only been with my husband. Together 18 years, married 17.
Difference b/t me and that chick up there is that I watched movies. And read Cosmo :-P
www.rickspringfield.com
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Mon, 11/28/2011 - 4:44pm.
Im assuming that the bride went "natural" since only hos wax down there or shave.
____________________________________________________Excuse me but I was a waxed virgin at one time.
OMG! This reminds me of my first husband who use to wash my face when he kissed me. It was the worst! He was 32 at the time, and I STILL married him! He never got better no matter how hard I tried to teach him. Shudders.
I'm seriously thinking of e-mailing my mom this video, to show her that my hoish ways saved her from THIS type of embarrassment.
Since when do virgins not even kiss??????????
That was some horrible, HORRIBLE mouth gnawing.
Sorry, I'm on team test drive.
the first time i ever made out with someone, he licked me entire face up and down, side to side...it was appalling and i had no idea how to make it stop. this just brought make those terrible memories all over again. thanks, dlisted!
www.hangryhippo.com: Where hunger, anger, media consumption, and satire meet for a snack
This SO reminds me of my first kiss which happened at age 20. It was him that kissed like this and somehow I had to teach him to tone it down! He was so awkward in so many ways! That's a almost 29 yr old memory for me!
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www.dungeonhordes.com
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My first kiss was when I was 18. I lost my virginity to the dude like 2 weeks later. (I wasn't very discerning, and curiosity combined with horniness will do things to you) Anyway, he overused the tongue. Even with my inexperience, I was like,"Is this right?!"
The sex wasn't any better.
The best kisser I've ever had was my daughter's dad. Good Lord, one kiss from him and I would be ready to go!
As for these two...I imagine a lot of awkward heaving, grunting, premature ejaculation, and then sobbing when they finally did it.
TEST DRIVE.
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Time cast a spell on you but
You won't forget me
I know I could have loved you but
You would not let me
-Fleetwood Mac
Still got my V-card, but I'm glad to say I don't kiss like a hungry goldfish. At least nobody's complained yet. Yech.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
I'm having flashbacks to that shitty Breaking Dawn movie.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
More effective than dental floss for removing bits of food from between your teeth.
When Josh Duggar got married (I call him Smuggar because he is so smug and arrogant), he and his bride had never kissed either. I don't remember them trying to suck each other's tongues out, though. This video was just gross.
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"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK
It won't last, she's way too good looking for him. Once the hymen goes, so will she.
http://claroscureaux.blogspot.com/
http://claroscureauxdeux.blogspot.com
Submitted by ghost of gene r... on Mon, 11/28/2011 - 4:31pm.
Submitted by agirl on Mon, 11/28/2011 - 4:08pm.
Do you think these two did it the first time with the lights on or off? And how long did their first time take?
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First question: Lights off, under the covers. He thought she had an especially tough hymen until he realized she hadn't hiked up her nightgown yet.
Second question: a half hour, 29 minutes of which was awkward attempts to get into a serviceable missionary position followed by 30 seconds of arhythmic jackhammering and 30 more of wondering what the hell just happened.
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LOL! and then she fell asleep in the wet spot for the very first time. It was a day of firsts.
*sigh* so romantical
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Mon, 11/28/2011 - 4:10pm.
Submitted by agirl on Mon, 11/28/2011 - 4:07pm.
I like it with the lights on fyi.
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Sorry I didn't read this earlier! Jack, I never knew! *blushes*
Does this mean we can move from the back of the thee-yay-ter to the parking lot? At least once in a while? Before the real cold weather sets in?
I really wish I could unsee that. Seriously.
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"Submitted by suckandfuck on Fri, 04/16/2010 - 5:46pm.
I would slaughter a thousand babies for an hour alone with Mike Rowe."
LMAO ugh this video just made my day
www.theinfamouslife.com
www.twitter.com/so_infamous
I've watched this three times and I keep getting THIS song in my head:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8HPI_HT6yjo
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When somebody brands you as a cunt, you thank them since that's better than getting knighted by the queen herself.~MK 8/15/11
Submitted by Sandbitch on Mon, 11/28/2011 - 8:04pm.
I still break out in a cold sweat when I hear a french accent. Which is why I'll never go to Canada. And I really want to go to Canada.
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Of course they speak real French in Quebec (I've got 14 generations backing me up) and I too get nervous hearing it let alone having to speak it once in awhile. Gardening Girl is right to steer you to British Columbia. Call me up when you get here and I'll show you the town.
No pre-marital kissing for the girls on My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding who usually get kissed on the cheek, just but it could also be the extra large princess dresses they wear walking down the aisle, just. I love YouTube.
Submitted by cokeysniffy on Mon, 11/28/2011 - 3:30pm.
"Can you imagine the painfully awkward wedding night oral sex???"
I dunno...if somebody came after my poontang like that it wouldn't be, you know..so bad.
I disgust myself.
worst kissing EVER
B!i!i!iD~
For your health.
Submitted by angel_i on Mon, 11/28/2011 - 8:30pm.
Submitted by Sandbitch on Mon, 11/28/2011 - 8:04pm.
I still break out in a cold sweat when I hear a french accent.
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O don't worry about that. Any French person will tell you that ain't French we're speaking up here;p
---Yes, it's a bit like the Italian they speak in New Jersey.
Je Taime
**FAINTS**
ONTOPIC!: OMG you'd think KeepItSimpleStoopit would have been something their pastor might have warned them about.
♥ Threadkilla!
"God gave you breath to waste. Waste your breath!"
Angelic, Bad Girls Club Season 7
Hot Youtube Vid Description: "have something dumb to say ? comment and see if i give a dam !" by KayyRosee1
Poor Sandbitch. I started to hide from the boy too, even though we were going steady. I stayed in to help teachers so that I wouldnt be out on the grounds. I dumped him. My friends would tease me and call me USS "GG" and shout "all hands on deck!". It was awful.
Yes, Quebec is a Canadian province. VERY FRENCH. I think that you would like British Colombia.
Submitted by Sandbitch on Mon, 11/28/2011 - 8:04pm.
I still break out in a cold sweat when I hear a french accent.
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O don't worry about that. Any French person will tell you that ain't French we're speaking up here;p
♥ Threadkilla!
"God gave you breath to waste. Waste your breath!"
Angelic, Bad Girls Club Season 7
Hot Youtube Vid Description: "have something dumb to say ? comment and see if i give a dam !" by KayyRosee1
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Mon, 11/28/2011 - 8:08pm.
@ Sandbitch - yeah I hear you on the trauma.
PS - Just dont go to Quebec!
---OK, no Kaybek either. Is that in Canada?
Srsly yes, I was TROR MAT IZED!! My senior year in high school we spent a week in Paris, at a boarding school (while the french kids were on school holidays). The french boys knew the british virgins were target rich that time of year. So I got too close to the wrought iron fence and got mauled and tonguelly raped, that'll teach me to try out me fronche.
Then, every day when we piled onto the coach for Parisian sight seeing...this boy and his crowd were at the gates yelling "BON EH, HEH HEH HEH" forcing me to hide behind my frog leg and liverwurst sandwich, like a Kardashian behind a YSL suitcase.
@ Sandbitch - yeah I hear you on the trauma.
PS - Just dont go to Quebec!
I still break out in a cold sweat when I hear a french accent. Which is why I'll never go to Canada. And I really want to go to Canada.
I had my very first French Kiss in Paris.
Aged 11.
Fucking FRENCH BOYS! Bon eh??
And I was VERY traumatised, just sayin.
Submitted by Datura on Mon, 11/28/2011 - 5:33pm.
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Did it look like the couple above?
.....And if it makes you feel any better the dude had smokers breath...So it wasn't all that great...And I think we used "tongue" the third time around. He still never got my panties though... 26 years virgin strong!
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Angels say they can make you suffer.They give and take like a vicious lover .When all this loses meaning, You'll never want it back somehow"-Neverending White Lights (The Grace)
My first kiss was the toungue!:( Too much for a 9th grader!
I don't think that had anything to do with tongues. I think she just started going at it like she was eating. They just didn't seem to have the first clue. I had to look away- it was that embarrassing.
To cut the guy some slack, it's the girl who initiated the mouth-munching. This dude better watch out, this chick is HONGRAY and now that she's having sex methinks one dick won't be enough to satisfy her.
I can still remember my first time, afterwards laying there thinking "that's it? THIS is what everyone is so excited about". Disappointment of epic proportions. Happily, since then, I'm now laying there thinking (out loud) "wanna go again?".
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You dumb bitch, I am home.-MK
I think I am also a donkey. I do not know what happened when I left the bar, but I am seriously in love with the donkey.
We won't buy clothes without trying them on, or a car without test driving it, but we'll get married before giving it a test run??? TEAM TRY ON THE MERCHANDISE!!!
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You dumb bitch, I am home.-MK
I think I am also a donkey. I do not know what happened when I left the bar, but I am seriously in love with the donkey.
Gross. Just goes to show that money does not buy class.
It can, however, buy you a first class whore.
☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Wed, 11/16/2011 - 6:45pm.
BITCHES, WE ALL GOOD. When will you whores not figure it out? You got the sweets 'tween yo' legs, WORK IT!
Submitted by Mas71 on Mon, 11/28/2011 - 5:19pm.
I've been seeing my current girlfriend since July 21. I'm 40, she's 26 and I'm the first boyfriend she's ever had. She too wanted to wait to kiss until marriage--and I respected tha--but she changed her mind and we started kissing about a month ago. But it was FAR from as unnatural as the two in this video. For one, it wasn't like we were trying to eat from a cob of corn between our lips.
Note: My girlfriend and I haven't tongue kissed yet : (
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Well, presumably you know how to kiss, so maybe that's given her confidence to know not to try and knaw your face off.
You are doing well though. You keep supporting her decisions and you'll get a homerun before you know it.
Team Test Drive.
Fuck waiting until the wedding...literally and figuratively. Hell I would not even consider dating or going steady with someone without trying on the merchandise, let alone moving in together or marrying.
all the people I know who waited till marriage, or only dated their spouse (and no one else) are now unhappily married or happily divorced.
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That peen needs some Miracle-Gro! - Bwhit19964
JLO must be using his entire body as an anal plug - Hellraiser
They really don't know how ridiculously stupid they look sucking tongues in front of people, huh? And it isn't really surprising both couples look like very-aged 17yros. Grow up, nasty hillbillies.
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"...To feel your pain, you feel mine
Go inside each others' minds
Just to see what we'd find
Look at shit through each others' eyes..."
-Eminem, "Beautiful" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lgT1AidzRWM&ob=av2e
I can't decide whether that was more funny or gross. Maybe I'll decide when I pick my jaw up off the floor. What. The. BEJEEZUS!
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This episode brought to you by the letter SHUTUP.
These tongue-washing virgins make me appreciate whores.
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When I come up, I rush, I rush for you..."
W.
T.
F.
I get that these folks are "saving" themselves for their spouses, which I think is overrated but whatever, but dayum. Keep it classy at the altar. If Jesus didn't want you having sex before marriage and shit, I doubt he'd want you chewing each others' mouths like gum at the altar in front of you parents.
Dumbasses.
Team no tongue @ the wedding!
LOL IV! I used to practice on my arm too & the bathroom corner tiled wall.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Did they film the awkward consummation on the wedding night, too? I mean, those two aren't going to be going at it like Last Tango in Paris...
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Never question Bruce Dickinson!
That was revolting. I have no qualms with them choosing to wait (although my mama told me you don't buy something you haven't tried), but do you have to subject your guests to that?
I am just not a fan of tongue during the wedding kiss either. Save that for when you're alone. I went to this fancy schmancy wedding in the Hamptons once. The bride was a model and was 6 months pregnant (although you'd never know it because she was such a stick). When the priest gave the go ahead, they sucked face like it was their job. In a Catholic church, no less. Gross. Just goes to show that money does not buy class.
Yikes. He didn't look very into it.
I can respect people who wait to express their love in a physical way, but PERSONALLY, I think it's a bad idea to marry before knowing for sure that you're sexually compatible. I think people should live together, too.
When Mr. Hekki and I moved in together, his smug know-it-all teenaged sister informed me that she would never move in with a guy, because then he has no incentive to marry you. I said maybe after living with him, I wouldn't WANT to marry him.
Never buy the car without taking it for a test drive.