Happy Thanksgiving!
As Kim Kuntrashian served up a paper plate full of lukewarm publicity stunt, Kirk Douglas, who has volunteered at the L.A. Mission since the beginning of time, NOM NOM NOM-ed on a piece of turkey. The world could've been ending around Kirk, but he wouldn't have noticed since all of his focus was put into gumming the hell out of that turkey. Kirk eat, prayed and loved that piece of turkey. This pussy knows what I'm talking about. Before I recreate these pictures with a dinner roll dipped in cooking wine, I just want to wish all you sluts a Happy Thanksgiving and thank you for giving my posts your eyes even though I talk about dick fromage and anuses all the time. So I'm thankful for that and thankful that dick fromage exists so I can talk about it all the time.
It's true that us Americans only have Thanksgiving dinner so that we can build up our strength for the Running of the Assholes at midnight tonight. You know, that's when we all gather at Best Buy and kill each other as we run toward a 5% off 3D Plasma TV. It's like the capitalist version of The Hunger Games. So I hope that when you knee me in the dick and chin me in the nipple to keep me from grabbing at that 3D Plasma TV, you do so with love. We're practically family!
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I am thankful for you all.
*hearts the shit outta each of you bitches*
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The difficult brown?! I think we're all done here. -MK
Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I'm thankful for my friends, my cat, my dlisted friends and for Michael K making me laugh every single day! Bless you all!!!
Looks like Kirk Douglas is about as good at eating as he was at acting.
Just 'cause he's old doesn't mean we have to rewrite his bio in soft, pastel colors. Fact is, he was in a lot of really forgettable movies and turned in some really amateurish performances.
is he really so attentioned-starved he has to stoop to this?!? undignified.
Submitted by Cap6 The Asperger on Thu, 11/24/2011 - 7:48pm.
Lol At gumming the tofurkey! MK AND YOU GUYS, HAPPY TURKEY DAY. Remember to enjoy but don't gluttonize. Give back. Donate a basket of canned good foods (and maybe one small bag of weed) to a food pantry somewhere and shit. Every little bit counts. ♥s TO YOU ALL.
You are awesome..I do give to my local food pantry.
These pictures are from Wednesday.
It's great that the homeless have to celebrate Thanksgiving on the day before Thanksgiving, so the celebs can get the photos out on Thanksgiving without really having to sacrifice their Thanksgiving to do it.
It looks like he his eating his own hand/face.
Happy Thanksgiving Day..to all
Gobble gobble you horz. This evening I got so pissed at Mr Hekki and his family and their guests I slipped off to our room for a couple of hours. AHHAHAHHahahahahahahahaha!!! It was delightful. He said I felt queasy which was no lie. I was sick to my stomach from all the bullshit I had to listen to.
Hey err'body! I cooked my first turkey today! Yay! And it turned out really delicious! Yay! And yesterday I saw a semi on the highway that said "Michael K Trucking"(hopefully a pic of it tomorrow)! Yay! Happy Thankgiving everybody!
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
*tackles mah Cappy*
Submitted by GlitterKitty on Sat, 07/23/2011 -
Is playing a cunt on the internet as satisfying as wanking into your mum's nightie? Because something tells me you'd know all about that.
After all this Natalie Wood stuff coming back up, and what I learned about Kirk Douglas, I can't stand to see his face.
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"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK
Michael K, I love everything you write. You are the world's biggest and funniest teaser, but this picture made me sad. Normally these people are asking for it, being paparazzi starved famewhores. But this is an old man. Who had a stroke. It's kinda disappointing.
Lol At gumming the tofurkey! MK AND YOU GUYS, HAPPY TURKEY DAY. Remember to enjoy but don't gluttonize. Give back. Donate a basket of canned good foods (and maybe one small bag of weed) to a food pantry somewhere and shit. Every little bit counts. ♥s TO YOU ALL.
Where tf is Mercury still? I feel like he's lurking. {{{Mercury, CSG and AngelI, ♥s always}}} Yall three were the first to welcome my ass here two years ago.
TEAM GUM THAT TOFURKEY lol
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"...To feel your pain, you feel mine
Go inside each others' minds
Just to see what we'd find
Look at shit through each others' eyes..."
-Eminem, "Beautiful" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lgT1AidzRWM&ob=av2e
Dude's about to turn 95, give the guy a break
Happy T-day sluts!! Love Kirk and love, love, love Zoe; talk about a hot b!tch I would go gayelle for. And this may make me a bit unpopular here but I still have soft spot for JLove.
Not so much for the other STUNT QUEEN that was there though.
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"He had an okay body. Not fat at all. And naturally toned abs. She could pour a shot of tequila down his belly and slurp it out of his navel without getting splashed in the face." - A Shore Thing, by the
Happy Thanksgiving to MK and all the Dlisted hoors.
My buddies were banging on the door at 11am.
WHO HAS THANKSGIVING AT 11am?
Apparently they do
Lions sucked (as per)
Awesome and hilarious company, though.
Played Goldeneye revisted. I remember that from Nintendo 64 days!
Best part was when 4 of them were playing against each other. One of the guys said "Okay let's all meet up in the town square..no shooting. NO SHOOTING" and as soon as they did the host of the party blew them the hell up
But yeah...then Thanksgiving got awkward so I left.
Hope everyone has had a great day!
I am thankful for Michael K!
I am thankful for Michael K!
Love you MK! Happy Turkey Day to all my favorite D-Listed slores! My days would be much more boring without you all to keep me awake and blowing iced tea out my nose!
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Is that a peen growing out of his neck?
Happy Thanksgiving to you too MK, all the rest of ya better share your family stories manana!
I'm Canadian so we gave thanks and ate our faces off last month, but I still want to say I am thankful for Dlisted. Even though things have sucked ass for me this past year and I don't have much to smile about, I can still count on a big belly laugh every day when I come here. You're my hero MK! xo
MK, you're like an abusive husband that beats us everyday and we forgive you and keep coming back for more beatings every single day.
You are the hardest working ho' walking up & down the blogosphere stroll and we thank you for that. Happy Thanks Giving to you.
http://www.inked-up.com/profile/RaulRules
this pic is creepy as hell in the 'old dude eating turkey' kinda sense. of course i am not hating, we're all headed that route sooner or later so... and umm, yeah i think that thing is his ear. kinda big but don't ears grow the entire life? noses too. scary!
happy thanxgiving to all american dlisters! don't eat too much turkey or else u will fall asleep and i won't be able to enjoy all the funny posts! :D
'We are responsible for what we do unless we are celebrities.'
MK, you're the smegma on my morning toast! Thank you for all the laughs and happy Thanksgiving. May there be 1 million celebrity scandals to keep you busy in the coming year.
Kirk's got scary old man lobes. Handy should he ever need a skin graft.
Or a second penis.
Happy Thanksgiving MK and thanks for keeping it real!! Oh and thanks for clearing up the Running of the Assholes...I thought that was the No 6 train instead it's BB. Thanks again for that and such clarity.
Have a good Thanksgiving one and all.
It really struck me viscerally that some disgusting pap stood there and actually made the decision to photograph this man attempting to eat some turkey. Someone actually thought to themselves, 'Yeah - this will be funny.'
Not going to lie, Mr. Douglas looks good for someone old enough to have courted Mother Mary, just saying.
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"'Those who danced were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.' We hear the music and we still think you're insane, bitch. For the record." [Michael K on Megan Fox]
Happy Thanksgiving, MK and all you sluts. And good luck to everyone who is planning on shopping tomorrow. I will be clicking my way to Free Delivery.
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I refreshed the page and my PENIS WAS GONE! -- SugarFreeRedBull, MicroPenis Advocate
I could have lived without seeing the "unfavorable" pics of a true actor such as Mr Douglas here today. Just the one day though. Tomorrow it's back on.
This is so wrong on so many levels, and made me laugh for 5 minutes straight. Kirk Douglas is known to have been a real SOB in his regular chewing days, so I'm not sure how much sympathy I can rustle up for him.
When he lived upstate NY his name was Isadore Dempksy and he took my Aunt Sylvia out on a date...
Submitted by Bo on Thu, 11/24/2011 - 4:56pm.
Happy Thanksgiving back to you Michael. As soon as I turn my computer on, I click on dlisted first.
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Yep, me too! I stop by several times a day, too. Can't get enough! Thank you, Michael K! xoxoxox
Happy Thanksgiving. Michael K. and all of the rest of you. I wish a wonderful day to you and yours with many leftovers and no hangovers!
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She wore far too much rouge last night and not quite enough clothes. That is always a sign of despair in a woman.
~Oscar Wilde
Got my feasting corset on. Going to mom's soon. Wish you all a happy one. For those of you who dont partake in TG, I wish you the best also.
Happy Thanksgiving back to you Michael. As soon as I turn my computer on, I click on dlisted first. Hope your Mom is okay after her operation. Love you!
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!
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Time cast a spell on you but
You won't forget me
I know I could have loved you but
You would not let me
-Fleetwood Mac
M.K. thanks for the laughs and happy turkey day.
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"Going to Burger King to eat healthy is like going to a prostitute for a hug." Dlister Supah 8.20.11
In the third thumbnail he has something of the "Goddammit why can't I die?" look about him.
Thank you, MK for making me laugh even on the most craptastic of days. (More than a few past keyboards of mine have found their way to electronics heaven due to flying fluids. And no, not THOSE kind of fluids.)
Happy Turkey Day to all!
thank you, MK, for providing comic relief in my daily grind! i'm grateful for you & wish you a Happy Thanksgiving!
omg not joking i swear when i was looking through the pics the 3 and 4 i had to look very closely/even make it bigger cus i thought i was looking at justin biebs.
*tell em get in line and kiss your ass MUAH!*
I love you Michael K! For Thanksgiving I am VERY thankful I have you to make me smile and laugh even when I'm feeling low. Keep on with the dick fromage. You are beyond awesome.
His old ass is cool with me. After a certain age I give you a pass. Or after you start growing a pinky out of your ear. (or whatever that is on the side of his face)
Happy Thanksgiving bitches, just got up from a 2 hour nap. The kids trashed the house while i snored away....lol
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Well, aren't you just the cosmopolitan Queen Bee of Cuntsville? No, I'm sorry, of "Cuntropolis". Please excuse us in all of our inbred grandpa fucking glory. Karen Flatts, 09/21/11
Knowing you are going to hell when you die is a great motivation to stay alive.
And he's like 1000 years old to so the young celebs have no excuse. Happy thanksgiving Michael K. I vow to be your faithful hag for life.
MK, that last paragraph had me cracking up! I am so thankful that I have this website to cheer me up day after day.
Happy Turkey Day to all the Dlisted folks. Be thankful you are having yummy food to eat on this day because the house I usually go to aint hosting this year so I am having Thanksgiving fishsticks. :-P
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He kinda reminds me of Ron Jeremy, but...not as classy! - Submitted by david Letterman
Besides, it's just marriage! Who in the hell takes that shit seriously? - Michael K
Submitted by joanne on Thu, 11/24/2011 - 3:47pm.
Michael K If you wrote a book I would pre order it. Your view on the world is amazing.
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Completely agree!
Thank you for your genius MK! The awesomeness you spew fills my boring days and brings us all a good laugh. Please bless us all w a book, show, or something else that showcases the glory of dlisted and makes that fat fuck face Perez Hilton stfu and disappear!! You win.
I wouldn't go shopping tonight or tomorrow if you put a gun to my head.
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I don't like your grandma. She smells like vitamins and pee.