Seen here working the shit out of your nana’s favorite pair of Ann Taylor sunglasses in Beverly Hills yesterday, the deep fried gizzard in a beanie that is Mickey Rourke talked to Modern Man about his role in that Immortals shit and the gems just kept slipping out between his roasted salchicha lips. Mickey, who has verbally kicked some of his co-stars in the b-hole before, called most actress “cunts” and then told a very touching story about how his grandmother used to read him a fable bout the mythological figure King Cock (that’s how I’m taking that quote). Open your eyes wide like you do when you stare at Mickey’s bag of prune balls bulge and take in all of these quotes:
You visited a Russian prison to prepare for your role in Iron Man 2. How did you prepare to play an ancient Greek Titan king for Immortals?
I showed up. The director spent three years working on the overall look of the film and that really helped. They paid me a lot of money for a few days of work so I was happy to go. It’s just a shame I didn’t get to work with the hot blond chick, Isabel Lucas. I also loved Frieda Pinto, but she has a boyfriend. She’s a really nice person and I have great respect for her as an actress — and I think most actresses are cunts with a capital K.
So … you had fun on the film?
I am just grateful for any role I have — every day I say, “God, let me not be late for work, so I’m not out of work another 13 years.” When you are out of work that long, your whole life changes; it’s a humiliating, shameful experience. I don’t know if you ever get over it. Hopefully, I can keep my mouth shut because I don’t want to go back to that lonely, dark place. This fucking town is built on envy. They can’t wait to [he raises his middle finger] to your ass.
Is there a story in Greek mythology that you especially like?
Did you ever see Johnny FuckHerFaster? It’s a mythology porno about a king named King Cock. I’m kidding. My grandmother used to read me a lot of that stuff to put me to sleep. I have always had insomnia and I loved all the different stories she read.
You can come across both as very sensitive and easygoing and as tough and a little scary. What’s the truth?
You’ll have to ask my doctor. I can’t answer that.
Well, you definitely have a soft spot for dogs.
Yeah, I miss my dog, Loki, who died after 18 years. The other night, my trainer was eating rack of lamb, and it reminded me how I used to put a piece of lamb in my pocket for her. I have four other dogs, but she was my love.
If only male prison plays paid good money, Mickey would be in a new kind of heaven since he wouldn’t have to work with any actresses and he’d get to do all of his kissing scenes with his big ass cellmate wearing a wig made out of a shredded orange jumpsuit. IF ONLY! You know, Mickey is a scabby ass lip that always secretes toxic smegma and working with him is probably about as easy as trying to make out with an alligator snapping turtle, but he’s still the piece of lamb to my Loki.
And who does the “K” stand for? Katherine Heigl? Obviously.