This Thursday, some of us will be shoving shovels full of creamed turkey fat, pumpkin pie filling, canned cranberries, Stove Top cake and blocks of butter into our gluttony holes before we pass out in a 4 hour coma and get up to do it all over again. Once you’ve swallowed everything in the refrigerator including the light bulb that has a little gravy splash on it, you might want curb your carb-spree and go on of those du-du-du-diet things. Well, Grazia Magazine (via DM) might have the right diet for you (no, they don’t). One of their unnamed sources say that if you want arms as skinny as Courtney Stodden’s lizard tongue and veins that are trying to escape from your body because they are so damn HONGRAY, then stock up on coconut oil and go on the St. Angie diet.
The source says that St. Angie weighs under 100 pounds and she has her 600 calorie a day diet to thank for that. Contrary to what the Bible tells us, St. Angie doesn’t only eat the fear Brad Pitt gives off when her hypnotic vagina tries to chomp his other ball off. St. Angie actually eats food and here’s a sample of what she eats on a daily basis:
Breakfast: A spoonful of coconut oil and a handful of cereal
Lunch: A few almonds and some Gummy Bears, or a protein shake
Dinner: Steak and wine!
The source also makes it clear to add heaping amounts of stress to this diet if you really want it to work. They explained, “Yes, stress plays a part. She is the type of person who drops weight when she’s stressed out. She simply loses her appetite and can survive on almost nothing. But a lot of people are worried that she is taking things too far and that she won’t have the strength to do all the things she wants to do if she doesn’t gain some weight. Everyone has been begging her to eat more and she is trying not to get any skinnier, but unfortunately she just doesn’t seem to be putting on any more weight.”
But really, 600 calories. I gained 600 calories just from typing the first sentence in this post. That can’t be right. St. Angie probably weighs more than 100 pounds and I’m she eats more than 600 calories a day since Maddox spikes the gallons of virgin blood she drinks with Ensure. Maybe she just carries most of her weight in her arm veins?