What’s Black, White And Freckled All Over?

In the costume closet of a community theater somewhere is a rack that’s missing a chorus girl dress from My Fair Lady’s horse race scene….. That’s because Phoebe Price stole it, shoved her farm fresh turducken parts into it and used it to serve up some “C’mon, Dover, move your bloomin’ arse shit!” at the American Music Awards last night. Yes, while your lazy ass was sprawled out on your velour sofa in your Sunday night outfit of torn underwear and a half-shirt with a Pepperidge Farm buffet on your stomach, our very own Chicken Cutlets was seat filling hard for the money (or in this case, for a 0.5 second on live television).

Every seat was filled like it’s never been filled before, the fuckery quotient stayed hugging the roof and the semi-permanent smug on Jaden Smith’s face was temporarily replaced with a look of HUH?! when PP strolled by looking like Rorschach spooged all over Dolly Levi. So I’d say it was a successful night and the hos at the AMAs can thank PP for this! I’m sure they did by letting her keep all the tips she made while working the ladies room during commercial breaks.

And here’s a few very luck hos who might have gotten their chair warmed by the most famous seat filler in the world. In order: Alanis Morissette with Souleye, Benjamin Bratt, Heidi Klum, JHud, Joe Jonas, Katy Perry with Taylor Swift and Jaden Smith.