Duh Of The Day: A-Rod Definitely Has A Type

If you can crush a beer can from 20 feet away just by squeezing your ripped butt cheeks really fast and if you can crack a dude’s pelvic bone just by bumping into him while he’s hitting it from the back, then put down that Hummer you’re bench pressing and cartwheel toward A-Rod’s Miami mansion.

Cameron Diaz’s former lift partner had a party at his house the other day and dude must’ve spiked the roid punch with angel dust, because bitches were going wild. Hos, who are more ripped than a plate of ropa vieja, jumped out of trees and tried to touch the sun with their rock hard crotches. If they were that Tarzan wild during the day imagine how they were later on when the lights went out and A-Rod fluffed his titties for “private” time.

I bet A-Rod isn’t even trying to sit today. One of those crazy buff beauties probably ate the feeling right out of his ass right before she bashed in his coccyx (wink wink) by spanking him too hard. A-Rod probably doesn’t even mind that he has to squeeze a friend’s hand hard when he shits today. FREAK!

And when is somebody going to finally introduce that muscle-worshiping queen A-Rod to England’s Finest Rose?! That is a match made in HGH heaven.